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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 8, 2018 4:22:06 GMT -5
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Post by h on Apr 8, 2018 18:32:15 GMT -5
Doesn't fit my situation at all.
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Post by Apocrypha on Apr 8, 2018 22:58:42 GMT -5
"Now, the spark going out in a marriage isn’t cause to hit the panic button. It’s normal, says Snyder, and it happens to everyone. “At first, you have lots of sex together — partly from desire, and partly because you need the reassurance that everything’s okay. But eventually other things begin to take priority, and you don’t really desire each other in the same way.” " Does anyone else have a hard time agreeing with this quote from the article? Or the title of the article? I have a hard time agreeing with that quote. This forum is packed to the gills with long term marriages in which one partner is in the same marriage as their spouse, and very much wants to have the sex that the other doesn't. It doesn't seem to fit the the norm.
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Post by baza on Apr 8, 2018 23:54:45 GMT -5
This Jeremy Brown bloke who wrote the article quotes some other bloke - Stephen Snyder - extensively.
Wouldn't you love some of these dicks like "Stephen Snyder" to have a crack at fixing an ILIASM deal like you see in this group.
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Post by WindSister on Apr 9, 2018 9:04:14 GMT -5
I feel that is unrealistic to maintain over years and years with your life partner and that is setting people up for a failure they don't have to prescribe to. I mean, I do think it's important to get excited together regularly, but it won't always be like a new-love make out session. If someone expects that kind of intimacy their entire life with one person, they will be unhappy their whole life, partner after partner.
We get excited together over lots of things: the basement remodel, motorcycling, camping, concerts.... and those things do play out positively in the bedroom, but the whole verbage of "being like two high school students making out in the hallway between classes" is ridiculous, I think. Yeah, we were like that for a couple years, but I think it's hogwash (a word I don't even use ever) to expect that FOREVER.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 9, 2018 11:00:01 GMT -5
I would like to know more about this constant sex in the first few years of marriage. I wish to have more of that. I could make out like a teenager, and not find it boring. My husband couldn't. He's not so much into kissing and I honestly haven't been kissed since I was 27? maybe? I'm 34 now. So ummm, no.
and I think its more realistic for your sexuality to evolve and change over your marriage.
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Post by Apocrypha on Apr 9, 2018 11:26:21 GMT -5
I feel that is unrealistic to maintain over years and years with your life partner and that is setting people up for a failure they don't have to prescribe to. I mean, I do think it's important to get excited together regularly, but it won't always be like a new-love make out session. If someone expects that kind of intimacy their entire life with one person, they will be unhappy their whole life, partner after partner. We get excited together over lots of things: the basement remodel, motorcycling, camping, concerts.... and those things do play out positively in the bedroom, but the whole verbage of "being like two high school students making out in the hallway between classes" is ridiculous, I think. Yeah, we were like that for a couple years, but I think it's hogwash (a word I don't even use ever) to expect that FOREVER. Ok, but there's a lot of hyperbole there. Is there room for a middle ground that might signal something other than a total aversion?
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 9, 2018 12:11:12 GMT -5
The quote describes what happens in normal marriages not grossly dysfunctional ones like those in iliasm.
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Post by WindSister on Apr 9, 2018 12:29:58 GMT -5
The quote describes what happens in normal marriages not grossly dysfunctional ones like those in iliasm. Yes - agreed. And I think that's kinda the point of most of our assessments of the whole article - it doesn't quite "fit" people who are here at ILIASM (and still in their shithole marriages). I am saying it also doesn't really fit functional relationships either... lol.. because I don't agree that loving will be hot, steamy and like new for the whole span of a relationship. In a healthy relationship, it WILL ebb and flow.
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