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Post by forumwolf on Apr 3, 2018 5:09:38 GMT -5
I have been married for 40 years and my wife decided 20 years ago that she no longer wanted to have sex. after the first 20 years of having great sex and 4 kids she no longer wanted to have any sex of any kind with me. at first I didn't like the idea but agreed to submit to her desires and refrain from asking for sex. soon after she no longer allowed me to see her naked and I have not seen her naked body in 20 years. I soon began to masturbate to relieve myself and for many years I have done this daily. after 20 years of no sex with her I no longer have the desire to have sex with her or see her naked. I am perfectly content with my daily masturbation and even though we still sleep in the same bed together I have no desire for bodily contact with her. we stopped kissing and making out and hugging 20 years ago as well. nowadays we are just like best friends to each other.
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Post by elynne on Apr 3, 2018 5:18:20 GMT -5
I have been married for 40 years and my wife decided 20 years ago that she no longer wanted to have sex. after the first 20 years of having great sex and 4 kids she no longer wanted to have any sex of any kind with me. at first I didn't like the idea but agreed to submit to her desires and refrain from asking for sex. soon after she no longer allowed me to see her naked and I have not seen her naked body in 20 years. I soon began to masturbate to relieve myself and for many years I have done this daily. after 20 years of no sex with her I no longer have the desire to have sex with her or see her naked. I am perfectly content with my daily masturbation and even though we still sleep in the same bed together I have no desire for bodily contact with her. we stopped kissing and making out and hugging 20 years ago as well. nowadays we are just like best friends to each other. I read this and I think how sad. But it sounds like you’ve found peace and happiness with your situation. I hope that’s so.
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Post by baza on Apr 3, 2018 5:18:52 GMT -5
It reads like you have pulled off one of the hardest tricks in the world of ILIASM Brother forumwolf . The trick of accepting the situation without resentment. Back in the day, and faced with a similar situation, I could manage the "accept" part not too badly, but the "without resentment" part of the deal I just could not manage at all. I was as resentful as all fuck, and that resentment poisoned everything. For me, getting out was the answer....not "the" answer...just "my" answer.
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Post by rejected101 on Apr 3, 2018 7:11:27 GMT -5
I was thinking that exact same thought. forumwolf, The question that needs to be answered is if the clock could be turned back 20 years would you have chosen to be without sex, intimacy or seeing your wife naked? Or would you have chosen to divorce and remarry if you could turn that clock back?
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 3, 2018 7:20:41 GMT -5
Happy for you if you are happy.
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 3, 2018 7:21:43 GMT -5
I divorced my ex because of a SM. I healed from the resentment and anger during the 2 years we were apart. I love him like family, it's not romantic and passionate and I can accept that as well. I know he loves me too. We are best friends, we have so much in common especially our children. We provide each other with companionship and stability. I do have a lover on the side for the making out and passion, sex is the best I've had with anyone. So my focus is ME and what is best for my happiness!
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Post by forumwolf on Apr 3, 2018 9:20:08 GMT -5
I would have never considered divorce because I still love my wife very much and she loves me very much. I am perfectly happy not having any sex with her or seeing her naked. we don't miss the kissing or any bodily contact because we are still best friends. I actually enjoy the masturbation now better than having sex and I assume that she masturbates herself as well. I would be willing to bet that there are many married couples that stop having sex as early as age 40. you just never hear about it but I am sure it is very common.
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 3, 2018 10:01:05 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum. It's helpful to hear about alternative solutions dealing with the SM situation. We've got many members here who are staying by choice. It's great to pick each other's brains for understanding, wisdom and comfort. I've been married 21yrs and looking forward to the deep blue yonder.
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Post by WindSister on Apr 3, 2018 10:14:35 GMT -5
Well, if you are both happy then there is no strife. This is not a path everyone wishes to take when their spouse cuts sex off, however. But if it works, it works. Good luck.
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 3, 2018 10:50:59 GMT -5
I would have never considered divorce because I still love my wife very much and she loves me very much. I am perfectly happy not having any sex with her or seeing her naked. we don't miss the kissing or any bodily contact because we are still best friends. I actually enjoy the masturbation now better than having sex and I assume that she masturbates herself as well. I would be willing to bet that there are many married couples that stop having sex as early as age 40. you just never hear about it but I am sure it is very common. I'm very glad you are here and I look forward to your perspective. I respectfully would like for you to expand on the notion that you don't miss the kissing or bodily contact. Yet you and your wife masturbate daily. This sounds like you are in denial of your needs, and have taken the path of least resistance to cope. I picture Michael Jordan in his 60's no longer playing basketball but watching it daily on tv. Meanwhile right down his street are a group of retired NBA players who get together and play daily. I also would respectfully take you up on your bet.There are far more married couples in their 40's that do want a healthy sex life in their marriage. If couples did stop having sex at age 40 that was a much more acceptable cocept a generation ago. Now during the era of on line communication, womans rights, equal pay, duel incomes, abortion, smaller families, 50% divorce, the highest % of divorce in couples age 40 and over, you can read a ton of information and find many, many useful, helpful articles about the direction that marriage and sex is heading today. Again, respectfuly, how can anyone be sure about something (concerning the masses of the population ) when you never hear about it?
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 3, 2018 11:11:33 GMT -5
Yes, it's true that there are plenty of older couples who have sex and plenty who don't. If you are happy in a SM with your best friend, then the marriage is working for you. As for me, I wouldn't consider a spouse a best friend if they unilaterally ended the sex life that I was enjoying. Average monthly frequency of sex for married couples ages 50–54 5.5 times a month; ages 65–69 2.4; ages 75 or older 0.8. wiki.masterlifefaster.com/Home/sex
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Post by shamwow on Apr 3, 2018 11:36:58 GMT -5
It reads like you have pulled off one of the hardest tricks in the world of ILIASM Brother forumwolf . The trick of accepting the situation without resentment. Back in the day, and faced with a similar situation, I could manage the "accept" part not too badly, but the "without resentment" part of the deal I just could not manage at all. I was as resentful as all fuck, and that resentment poisoned everything. For me, getting out was the answer. Ouch. God, that is the trick, isn't it? The resentment is like a damn volcano ready to blow. I couldn't pull it off either, and had to leave. This guy has the patience of a Saint IMHO.
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Post by surfergirl on Apr 3, 2018 11:51:37 GMT -5
Or tertium quid?
The OP doesn’t have a drive high enough to cause resentment?
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 3, 2018 13:48:38 GMT -5
I agree about the mismatch degree as a factor. And that he experienced 20 yrs of great sex already and have four kids. And they love each other. Is religion a factor?
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 3, 2018 13:52:40 GMT -5
forumwolf, did you find out why she stopped desiring sex. I'm one of the why chasers in this forum.
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