saxby
New Member
Posts: 13
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Post by saxby on Mar 19, 2018 0:44:07 GMT -5
Excuse the thinking out loud type thread. I have only been on here for a few days but I'm getting messages loud and clear.
Sure, I'm angry about my situation. But is that going to help? Short term yes. It's expression. I have a right to be angry. Part of the process of letting go.
Now what?
It seems as though self love is the way forward. This is the most important thing.Putting me first. Loving me first. Telling me I'm wonderful. I'm good enough.
Letting go of toxicity. Letting go of what others think of me.
Working hard on me. Loving me. Doing what I want to do. Being who I want to be. Creating space for me to grow.
Exploring my sexuality. Reclaiming my sexual power again. Letting go of guilt and shame and rejection.
Giving karma back to people who do me wrong. Showing people I'm not to be messed with.
Changing me for me. Changing my life for me.
Understanding the process. Understanding where I am at. Why I am feeling what I am feeling. Knowing who I am. Loving who I am.
I don't need my wife's vagina to feel good about myself. I don't need anyone's vagina to feel good about myself.
Right now I need me more. My love. My nurturing. My understanding. My own love.
Sure I am looking at meeting up with an ex for sex play soon. This might happen. It might not. I'll decide.
I also look at my own destructive behaviour.
This is rambling.
I love myself. I love my body.
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Post by baza on Mar 19, 2018 1:12:32 GMT -5
Personally, I believe that the whole shooting match is about personal growth, which, in life, is about the only thing that you can exercise a fair amount of control over. Understanding yourself, knowing your less savoury aspects and working on them. Knowing your good points and maximising them. Trying, striving to be the best version of you possible.
If you get that right, a helluva lot of issues in your life tend to get sorted out as part of that personal growth path you are on. And, the more intractable problems in your life you will deal with from a position of strength and certainty - and thus make better fully informed choices that are in your longer term best interests.
Relationships, if they are of quality, will not only survive this process, they will thrive under the challenges thrown up. And if they are not of quality, they will fall by the wayside and/or be redefined into relationships based on fact, not wish or hope.
Sort your own shit out, as hard and as difficult as this is, it is really your only way forward.
And, just in case I have farted unicorn glitter dust in your direction, be aware that this sorting your own shit out is no picnic, and will challenge you to your limits...and is most certainly NOT a pain free exercise...and you never get to the end of it... and you invariably make some monumental fuck ups during the process too.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 19, 2018 1:23:37 GMT -5
The only thing in the world that you can control is yourself.
Like you, I decided that I would take care of me and do things that I have always wanted to do.
So....
I joined a hiking club and started hiking every weekend. I am meeting interesting people and exploring the beautiful state I live in. I invited my hub to join me but he said no. I kiss him bye and go.
I always wanted to learn to do country line dancing, so I go every week to a dance hall/saloon to dance. Every week I invite him to join me. He says no. I kiss him bye and go.
I go to the gym and lift weights and practice yoga. I invite him to join me. He says no. I kiss him bye and go.
My sexuality.... yes. I’m exploring that too. I do not invite him to join me. He would just say no.
I have something to look forward to every day, but am I happy? No, not happy, just not miserable. It is what it is.
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 19, 2018 5:44:08 GMT -5
“Giving karma back to people who do me wrong. Showing people I'm not to be messed with. “
I agreed with everything except this. The time you spend on revenge would be better spent taking the actions under your control to create a happy life for yourself. This includes letting go of toxic people and situations. That’s not giving karma. That’s loving yourself enough to eliminate poison from your llife.
As I brought into my life activities and hobbies interesting to me, I didn’t invite my husband. I didn’t want him along. I realized that his presence damped my fun and made it harder to develop friendships. I like getting to know people on a personal level. He liked having rambling conversations about sports and theories.
I didn’t take these steps as part of a plan to divorce. But when one day I woke up and realized I was done with the marriage, I had a support group and an independent life. I never missed him.
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Post by johnwyo1 on Mar 19, 2018 11:29:24 GMT -5
Excuse the thinking out loud type thread. I have only been on here for a few days but I'm getting messages loud and clear. Sure, I'm angry about my situation. But is that going to help? Short term yes. It's expression. I have a right to be angry. Part of the process of letting go. Now what? It seems as though self love is the way forward. This is the most important thing.Putting me first. Loving me first. Telling me I'm wonderful. I'm good enough. Letting go of toxicity. Letting go of what others think of me. Working hard on me. Loving me. Doing what I want to do. Being who I want to be. Creating space for me to grow. Exploring my sexuality. Reclaiming my sexual power again. Letting go of guilt and shame and rejection. Giving karma back to people who do me wrong. Showing people I'm not to be messed with. Changing me for me. Changing my life for me. Understanding the process. Understanding where I am at. Why I am feeling what I am feeling. Knowing who I am. Loving who I am. I don't need my wife's vagina to feel good about myself. I don't need anyone's vagina to feel good about myself. Right now I need me more. My love. My nurturing. My understanding. My own love. Sure I am looking at meeting up with an ex for sex play soon. This might happen. It might not. I'll decide. I also look at my own destructive behaviour. This is rambling. I love myself. I love my body. You're right. Being the best we can be, caring for ourselves as properly as we can, and loving ourselves is very important. We are more attractive if we do so, if we're healthy emotionally and mentally, if we're physically well. That can attract our partners, maybe, or make us appealing to someone who will replace the sexless partner. Plus, we feel better and can enjoy life some.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2018 14:18:04 GMT -5
I totally agree with you. One thing I´ve learned in my personal SM journey is that I need to love myself in first place cause things won´t be any better if I continue depressed, allowing all this toxicity take care of my thoughts. I believe that this is part of the healing process. We all have our guilty feeling about our marriages, always thinking what we could have done different. Doing this is a waste of time and we need to focus in the present and the future, having in mind that it´s not our fault. Since I noticed this I´m loving myself again, and trying to live like George Michael song: "be good to yourself cause nobody else has the power to make you happy". Luck to you on your journey saxby
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