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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Mar 10, 2018 7:31:29 GMT -5
You need to have a plan when you go to leave, a good one too. Don’t think you can wing it because you can’t. Make sure you have a source of income lined up, a place to stay, a backup place to stay, a realistic budget, and people you can count on. Don’t assume anything. There is a time to celebrate your new life, it’s not as soon as you walk out the door, it’s after you have implemented your plan and you, and your kids if you have them, are safe and secure.
No, I’m not in trouble. I have a friend who had an unrealistic poor plan, and assumed that her STBX would just go along with her plan. She celebrated before she was secure and blew a bunch of money she did not have. Her husband is fighting her for everything and dragging out the process. She planned poorly!
You need a good plan before you leave a marriage.
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Post by baza on Mar 10, 2018 16:35:46 GMT -5
As a principle in an ILIASM shithole, it is most unwise to mention divorce or separation unless you have the means and the will to carry that action out.
By necessity, this means you need solid legal advice for your jurisdiction, and a do-able plan to bring your ILIASM shithole to an end and a do-able plan for your future as a single person.
Whether you put the plans into practice is another matter, but you sure as shit will NOT be putting your plan into action if you haven't got one.
If you choose to try and "wing it" - that is to say threaten divorce and try to make ad hoc choices on the run to bring this about - you will almost certainly fuck up due to ignorance of the relevant facts (both legal and practical) and find yourself unable to bring this task off. And, worst of all, you will conclusively shred your cred. Rightly or wrongly, your spouse will - accurately - conclude that you say things you don't mean and make big statements you are not actually prepared to carry out. And that, is a real bad spot to be in. It is going to put you backwards by months and months as you - (a) - try and restore your cred (b) - gather your resources (including constructing a do-able plan this time) for another attempt (c) - give up on the whole idea
Winding up an ILIASM shithole is deadly serious (and complicated) shit. To undertake it in an unprepared manner is just asking for trouble. You probably have quite enough trouble on your hands already, so it makes little sense to add to your trouble.
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Post by DryCreek on Mar 10, 2018 17:01:34 GMT -5
lifeinwoodinville, you make a great point. Time is not your friend in a divorce. The legal process is slow - some jurisdictions mandate a year of separation first, others require mediation before requesting a court date, and it can drag out to a couple of years if contested. It's far from over when you throw down the gauntlet. Even if "your half" stands to be a princely sum, you can still go broke waiting for it if you don't have access to the accounts in the meantime. Or if you have to wait for a house to sell. If you don't have your own source of income, an emergency decree for interim spousal maintenance can get you by, but it might take weeks just to get on the court docket. And "time is money" has never been truer than when you're paying for an attorney at $300/hr. That retainer is just a bucket they get to hold - you have to keep refilling it. Bottom-line, have cash reserves and a source of income to sustain you for the duration. Think way beyond the first few weeks - think about expenses that may be over the horizon (like, next semester's school tuition, car repairs).
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Post by solodriver on Mar 10, 2018 18:13:46 GMT -5
Bro. Shamwow shared his process from start to end and then for awhile aftrerwards. Well worth reading and considering in your planning.
Thanks for sharing it and leaving on here Bro. Shamwow!
How are you and BOC doing?
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