hiddenmind
Junior Member
Posts: 25
Age Range: 36-40
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Post by hiddenmind on Mar 7, 2018 13:23:56 GMT -5
Does anyone else have a spouse who is too attached to their cell phone?
My H, who admitted the problem last night, is on his phone constantly, mostly on Facebook. We eat dinner together as a family, but no doubt, as soon as his plate is cleaned, he zones out into cell phone land. Watching TV as a family? He's on his phone. At bedtime, which should be a good time to talk (or have sex), he is on his phone until it's lights out. He shuts out any chance of conversation or bonding because he is glued to his screen! I've made the mistake of trying to talk to him when he's on his phone. The result is that he completely forgot what I told him and accused me of never telling him at all.
It definitely doesn't help our lack of intimacy! Luckily, this problem is on our list of things we're trying to fix.
Anyone else dealing with a cell phone zombie or have ideas on how to break the habit?
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Post by flounder on Mar 7, 2018 13:40:08 GMT -5
I have three in my home. They are the iPad variety zombie,but they are similar nonetheless. Be careful! Trying to break the magic spell of technology,may result in attack !
It really is like a drug as the withdrawal symptoms are quite dramatic.
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Post by ironhamster on Mar 7, 2018 13:44:28 GMT -5
Does a MacBook count? She prefers the larger screen.
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Post by flounder on Mar 7, 2018 13:51:28 GMT -5
Does a MacBook count? She prefers the larger screen. All in the undead army of Apple !
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Post by ironhamster on Mar 7, 2018 14:02:50 GMT -5
You know, it is possible to use that technology to increase intimacy if both participants want that. Texts and selfies to share parts of your day, and, of course, sexting. Of course, if one participant is averse to this and finds some excuse not to be close, I am not sure how to fix that. My AP and I are hundreds of miles apart and more involved with each other's day than the persons we are legally bound to.
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Post by DryCreek on Mar 7, 2018 14:03:51 GMT -5
hiddenmind, it's easy to slip into. I have to be conscious of it myself - it's a crazy-convenient tool for getting info and learning. But its easy to abuse. Computers are no different. Personally, the phone goes on a charger in another room at bedtime, and I strive to not check it until I'm ready for the day. Other times, I have to be conscious about not pulling it out. It's very easy to feel like you're filling empty time with something more productive. I still do it too much. For me, it's a business tool, and that heavy use is easy to let slip into personal overuse. Motivating someone else... that's hard, aside from pointing it out. They need to gain an appreciation that physical presence isn't the same as mental presence. I clued in when I realized I was letting it suck me too far into work issues before I got ready in the morning - stuff that could have waited. And I saw what was happening with W's use, where we'd be in bed and I ranked well behind a daily milestone in an app. I'm not sure you can impart that enlightenment into someone else, but it's worth trying.
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Post by jim44444 on Mar 7, 2018 16:01:39 GMT -5
The online world is an easy escape crutch when the real world becomes an unpleasant place. It is easy to find support and someone to stroke our egos. It can also supply us with information and ideas to improve our lives. Like any other technology it is our choice to use it or abuse it. How do we break the zombie mode? Speak up! The W and I were getting into a bad habit of checking our phones at the restaraunt. We had to agree to only pull them out to google an answer to a question in the conversation.
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Post by theexplorer on Mar 7, 2018 18:43:56 GMT -5
Perhaps I'm just a bit to suspicious, but I wonder if he is involved with another woman. He may be doing nothing wrong, but I would be looking for other signs of him outsourcing. If you see some other warning signs, an investigation may be warranted.
Hope I'm wrong about your husband. My friends wife developed an obsession with her phone. He finally understood her obsession, after he saw the divorce papers.
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Post by shamwow on Mar 7, 2018 18:58:35 GMT -5
Does anyone else have a spouse who is too attached to their cell phone?
My H, who admitted the problem last night, is on his phone constantly, mostly on Facebook. We eat dinner together as a family, but no doubt, as soon as his plate is cleaned, he zones out into cell phone land. Watching TV as a family? He's on his phone. At bedtime, which should be a good time to talk (or have sex), he is on his phone until it's lights out. He shuts out any chance of conversation or bonding because he is glued to his screen! I've made the mistake of trying to talk to him when he's on his phone. The result is that he completely forgot what I told him and accused me of never telling him at all.
It definitely doesn't help our lack of intimacy! Luckily, this problem is on our list of things we're trying to fix.
Anyone else dealing with a cell phone zombie or have ideas on how to break the habit?
The whole world is too attached to the damn things. Sent from my Verizon Note 8
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Post by WindSister on Mar 7, 2018 19:15:20 GMT -5
It takes conscious effort to connect with those nearest us. We shut em down when we are being together....and in bed. No phones or tv in our room. We tend to talk most as we cuddle before sleep. I love that.
Have you directly stated that you feel ignored when he is on his phone and would prefer time together each day with phones turned off?
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 7, 2018 19:29:07 GMT -5
Even before the dreaded Iphone, kindle, and Ipad my W. would bury herself in a book, or the TV would go on, or both, or she would spend hours talking with her daddy who lived with us. 20/20 hindsight shows her fears of intimacy, and her need to be in control.
The few times that I attempted to address the issue, it was met with DARVO. Something along the lines of " I am right here, always available, all YOU have to do is speak to me, and I will put my book down". Oh---kay.... That didn't explain the "ugh-hugh" responses I would get before she would go right back into her book!
Sounds like a loosing battle.
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 7, 2018 19:52:05 GMT -5
A cell phone can be like porn. It's very safe. No criticism, full control, and all taking, taking, taking, with no giving in return needed.
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Post by baza on Mar 8, 2018 1:05:22 GMT -5
Are you advancing a position the "cell phone addiction is ruining your marriage" Sister hiddenmind ? That, is a good a "why" as any other. In the context of your other posts, this particular issue appears to be just another method he employs to keep you at a comfortable distance from him. A comfortable distance that is not too close - lest you get ideas that this is an equal partnership - but not too far away either, lest you get an idea into your head of putting some real and permanent distance between you.
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saxby
New Member
Posts: 13
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Post by saxby on Mar 18, 2018 18:10:15 GMT -5
Yep. I am a cell phone zombie. I'm married to a cell phone zombie and my eldest is a cell phone zombie.
I dream of throwing my cell phone into the sea.
I'm hooked on it.
Modern life is rubbish.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Mar 18, 2018 19:30:59 GMT -5
I am VERY PRO technology (those who’ve PMed me know why), but these two things gave me pause:
- Facebook post from my h when he came downstairs to find our son and me using iur devices: “My family is turning into cyborgs” (in lieu of talking to us),
- Concert last week. We had VIP tickets, even. I took a few photos and videos but spent most of the show dancing. He was on his phone ALL. NIGHT. LONG.
If you were to ask my h, he’d tell you that *I* am the cell phone zombie. He’s gone so far as to sing the song “Zombie” when entering the room.
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