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Post by shamwow on Feb 1, 2018 8:39:49 GMT -5
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Post by brian on Feb 1, 2018 9:12:11 GMT -5
I had to vote “no” as the current state, but my answer would have been “yes” for the first few years of our marriage. Of course, I may have just been naive and fooling myself as evidence mounted that My partner was not in love with me.
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Post by lostintime on Feb 1, 2018 10:47:31 GMT -5
I do not love my wife nor did I love any of my girlfriends. I did treat them better than most of the guys I know. Maybe love is fairy tail
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Post by shamwow on Feb 1, 2018 11:03:08 GMT -5
I do not love my wife nor did I love any of my girlfriends. I did treat them better than most of the guys I know. Maybe love is fairy tail The love of fairy tales is that everyone will always live happily ever after. Of course that kind of love has pumpkins turning into carriages and couples bursting into song about their love for each other. That isn't how the world works. It is the love that children are taught to expect though which leads to almost comically unrealistic expectations. However, the love that they talk about in the video? Yeah. I now know that exists. It doesn't say you are problem free. It doesn't say you're happy all the time. All it says you are intimate, vulnerable, care about the other person's feelings, and they care about yours. It took me until middle age to find it for myself. She lives half a continent away and it will take 77 plane flights between the two of us until we can finally be together on a daily basis. But this is the real thing. No bursting into song. Every day isn't some kind of "happily ever after". But we are intimate, vulnerable, and care about EACH OTHER in a way I've never experienced before. It is rare. It is precious. But it is not unobtainable. And it is why next week I will be jumping on an airplane (twice actually) to take trips 13 and 14 of 77. Edit: These trips go in both directions. The next 2 happen to be me going to see her. I live you ballofconfusion!
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Post by ballofconfusion on Feb 1, 2018 11:26:38 GMT -5
shamwow - I knew I didn't need to watch your video to also reply with a resounding and heartfelt YES!
I watched it anyway (because you posted it) and my answer is still an emphatic, clear, and genuinely deep YES! I love you Shammy!
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appleaday
Junior Member
Posts: 95
Age Range: 36-40
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Post by appleaday on Feb 1, 2018 11:32:22 GMT -5
So I answered "yes" before watching the video because I can't follow directions. I got through point two in the video and my answer has changed to a resounding "no!"
I care about my husband, I respect and esteem him, but I am not in love. I was but he squashed all intimacy and it squashed my willingness to fight for my love.
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Post by cagedadventurer on Feb 1, 2018 11:47:31 GMT -5
Six years ago in a conversation she stated that she didn't feel she was worthy of love. Real father left though nearby and was all but fully disengaged and did not even remember her birthday. Her mother, judgmental, harsh and belittling - I have witnessed this. So my W has these walls that keep her isolated for the most part and with no close friends. These walls affect her relationships with our kids, neighbors and me of course as well. To avoid being hurt, she rarely opens up or allows vulnerability so therefore she has no relationships. And though she prides herself on being someone who thinks for herself, she shows no earthly ambitions, no future concerns, no adventurous spirit; so we are almost never on the same page. So I had to vote NO here. And if she did the same, that'd be no surprise and I would not even care.
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Post by Apocrypha on Feb 1, 2018 12:33:40 GMT -5
Six years ago in a conversation she stated that she didn't feel she was worthy of love. Typically when someone tells you this, they are telling the truth - or a partial version of it. Listen to them. It's a way of framing themselves as being at a social disadvantage compared to you when they simply aren't attracted to you in the same way. Or they are actually DOING something immoral that troubles their soul - cheating perhaps.
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Post by cagedadventurer on Feb 1, 2018 13:03:06 GMT -5
"Framing themselves" "social disadvantage" - YES, I concur. You nailed it. The year prior, (2011) there was a week of DOING something that troubled her soul. I knew it then but observed and stopped it after the week because he was not someone I could let into our family. (If decent - I may have encouraged it). It was hardly to be believed as it was sooooo far from who my wife was or even is. It was hard not to believe I was in a crazy dream. But as Rose said on Titantic "the heart is a deep ocean of secrets".
But today it often feels just a matter of her going through the motions to not rock the boat and if not going to leave it, she'll make the best of it. But that "best" still leaves me quite alone and her unfulfilled I am sure - but she does not seem to know how to lower those walls. However, it is just more pleasant now and I am no longer affected by her attempts at control.
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Post by WindSister on Feb 1, 2018 13:27:00 GMT -5
Ex - NO (probably never was either)
Now husband? YES, YES, YES! Intimacy - check We have always been open and vulnerable with each other, touchers, hand-holders, talk about everything Passionate - check Confidence - check He has my back and I have his, yes, yes, yes. No abuse - CHECK!!
Now, for "passionate" I think they need to go into what that looks like in a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP because I think it DOES change a bit. Not go away, mind you, but change. But on a Friday night when we are letting loose, listening to music and unwinding from the week, yes.. our passionate sides come out for each other. I think it always will.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 1, 2018 13:54:18 GMT -5
Several years ago, I told a friend that I believe the only man who will ever truly love me is my son. Friend said at the time, “That’s not true!” but so far, I’m not wrong. I also keep falling out of love due to the way these guys treat me.
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Post by jim44444 on Feb 1, 2018 13:58:21 GMT -5
"in love"? Once a definite yes but no longer. Although I do love her and probably always will. But no longer "in love".
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 1, 2018 15:21:14 GMT -5
Love - yes
"In love"- not romantically or passionately
BUT
We are best friends, we have each other's back. We enjoy each other's company and companionship. I'm so comfortable with him and I can be myself.
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Post by lwoetin on Feb 1, 2018 21:04:45 GMT -5
Yes, I'm in love with her, but it's not mutual. She loves me though.
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Post by elkclan2 on Feb 2, 2018 2:14:04 GMT -5
Yes, in love now - but I didn't want to skew the poll. Yes, I was in love before and for a long time.
I kinda disagree that true love doesn't involve abuse. I think both partners CAN be in love and there be abuse in the relationship due to poor modelling of relationships, addictions, etc. It's not a GOOD love. It's not a love you should engage with and it's appropriate in the video where people are assessing whether their relationship is love or not. But people love their abusers, and I also believe that abusers can truly love, too. But it's a rotten, wrong love and not worth the pain. I was in an abusive relationship and it killed my love...eventually and killed the in-love well before the familial love.
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