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Post by bertie1471 on Jan 23, 2018 19:02:39 GMT -5
For us its lack of PIV and not enough of anything else.
Other than that cuddles and kisses - not a huge amount but there we go. In these other ways, we still act like a married couple. Wife has no hang ups about me seeing her naked - she will happily walk around.
I understand this is not the case for everyone? I guess I should be a little grateful for that - keen to hear experiences.
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Post by ihadalove on Jan 23, 2018 19:37:48 GMT -5
For us its lack of PIV and not enough of anything else. Other than that cuddles and kisses - not a huge amount but there we go. In these other ways, we still act like a married couple. Wife has no hang ups about me seeing her naked - she will happily walk around. I understand this is not the case for everyone? I guess I should be a little grateful for that - keen to hear experiences. Pretty close to my situation, but I'd disagree it's just the sex. It's about what's lacking to drive the sex.
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Post by baza on Jan 23, 2018 19:54:53 GMT -5
Most - not all - stories in here tell a tale of a dysfunctional relationship between two incompatible people and usually the lack of sex is but a symptom of the deeper malaise. That is to say, there are a number of problems including sex. There are some, not many, who make a convincing case that in their deal, it's just the sex, and everything else is just great. Is this the position you are taking Brother bertie1471 ? Either way, your options remain the same. Stay Cheat Leave Personal position - in my deal there were several problem areas and one of them was sex. None of the problems were big enough in and of themselves to be dealbreakers. But taken in full, they were. Had sex been the only problem in my deal, I doubt that I would have left. But there were a number of problems (including sex) in my deal and looking back, I wonder how I stayed as long as I did.
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Post by h on Jan 23, 2018 19:59:45 GMT -5
Similar here. My wife is very physically (but not sexually) affectionate. Hand holding, kissing, cuddling in plenty. PIV limited to less than once a month in one position with no foreplay for me. NO oral for me and she doesn't allow me to give her oral. The terrible sex is the only thing that is bad in our relationship. The problem is that it ends up spilling over into the rest of the marriage.
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Post by brian on Jan 23, 2018 20:40:17 GMT -5
The lack of passion and desire simply bleeds into other areas and gets a person thinking of all sorts of other issues. Sex is a stress reliever for me. It is a stress inducer for her. In times of high stress in the relationship, when I need her most, is the exact times when she can’t/won’t be there to help me. So that gets me wondering about how compatible we really are, since we can’t be there for each other.
Just an example.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 23, 2018 20:53:31 GMT -5
Similar here. My wife is very physically (but not sexually) affectionate. Hand holding, kissing, cuddling in plenty. PIV limited to less than once a month in one position with no foreplay for me. NO oral for me and she doesn't allow me to give her oral. The terrible sex is the only thing that is bad in our relationship. The problem is that it ends up spilling over into the rest of the marriage. Friend, you did mention her attitude. (I am going to mis-quote it) something about her outright "no" response when you where sick. I believe you agreed that "yes" there are other control issues besides the sex? Asked only as a reminder, meant to be supportive. Sorry if it is not.
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Post by h on Jan 23, 2018 21:02:38 GMT -5
Similar here. My wife is very physically (but not sexually) affectionate. Hand holding, kissing, cuddling in plenty. PIV limited to less than once a month in one position with no foreplay for me. NO oral for me and she doesn't allow me to give her oral. The terrible sex is the only thing that is bad in our relationship. The problem is that it ends up spilling over into the rest of the marriage. Friend, you did mention her attitude. (I am going to mis-quote it) something about her outright "no" response when you where sick. I believe you agreed that "yes" there are other control issues besides the sex? Asked only as a reminder, meant to be supportive. Sorry if it is bot. More like her outright no to my request for an alternate position since I was injured and incapable of doing the only position she allows.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 23, 2018 21:11:33 GMT -5
Friend, you did mention her attitude. (I am going to mis-quote it) something about her outright "no" response when you where sick. I believe you agreed that "yes" there are other control issues besides the sex? Asked only as a reminder, meant to be supportive. Sorry if it is bot. More like her outright no to my request for an alternate position since I was injured and incapable of doing the only position she allows. Okay, doesn't that show you that her disrespect, "her my way only" attitude, her total lack of empathy, shows that lack of sex is not the only problem?
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 23, 2018 21:13:33 GMT -5
"My wife is very physically (but not sexually) affectionate. Hand holding, kissing, cuddling in plenty. PIV limited to less than once a month in one position with no foreplay for me. NO oral for me and she doesn't allow me to give her oral. The terrible sex is the only thing that is bad in our relationship. The problem is that it ends up spilling over into the rest of the marriage."
The bad sex is due to your wife's unwillingness to not call all of the shots in sex. I bet that you get along so well in the rest of your marriage because you ignore your own desires and acquiesce to her. You may have done this so long that you're completely out of touch with your desires.
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Post by h on Jan 23, 2018 21:18:25 GMT -5
More like her outright no to my request for an alternate position since I was injured and incapable of doing the only position she allows. Okay, doesn't that show you that her disrespect, "her my way only" attitude, her total lack of empathy, shows that lack of sex is not the only problem? Not really. We dated for several years before we got married and she was always considerate. In other areas of our life, she is thoughtful. She is great at gift giving. The thing that changed is when we got married, I expected sex. The sex was the beginning of the downward spiral.
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Post by ihadalove on Jan 23, 2018 21:19:36 GMT -5
The lack of passion and desire simply bleeds into other areas and gets a person thinking of all sorts of other issues. Sex is a stress reliever for me. It is a stress inducer for her. In times of high stress in the relationship, when I need her most, is the exact times when she can’t/won’t be there to help me. So that gets me wondering about how compatible we really are, since we can’t be there for each other. Just an example. This is a huge problem for us.
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Post by baza on Jan 23, 2018 21:23:27 GMT -5
Similar here. My wife is very physically (but not sexually) affectionate. Hand holding, kissing, cuddling in plenty. PIV limited to less than once a month in one position with no foreplay for me. NO oral for me and she doesn't allow me to give her oral. The terrible sex is the only thing that is bad in our relationship. The problem is that it ends up spilling over into the rest of the marriage. Friend, you did mention her attitude. (I am going to mis-quote it) something about her outright "no" response when you where sick. I believe you agreed that "yes" there are other control issues besides the sex? Asked only as a reminder, meant to be supportive. Sorry if it is bot. At the risk of kicking you when you are down Brother h , have you not previously pointed out her financial irresponsibility as being a huge issue ?
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Post by h on Jan 24, 2018 5:31:44 GMT -5
Friend, you did mention her attitude. (I am going to mis-quote it) something about her outright "no" response when you where sick. I believe you agreed that "yes" there are other control issues besides the sex? Asked only as a reminder, meant to be supportive. Sorry if it is bot. At the risk of kicking you when you are down Brother h , have you not previously pointed out her financial irresponsibility as being a huge issue ? I have, but that is an issue I have handled. If the sex were good, I don't even know if I would have said anything about it. Thinking objectively about it, she makes poor decisions because she was never taught how to handle money. I addressed the issue with her and we have been working on getting our finances back in line.
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