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Post by bertie1471 on Jan 22, 2018 14:56:51 GMT -5
Not sure whether I get too hung up on the actual PIV complete act...... (now that has been a while)
Been a while for this but wife still provides other services (admitedly not that often) which result in orgasm. Is this different?
Not ideal obviously :-(
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Post by Apocrypha on Jan 22, 2018 15:49:35 GMT -5
You can get caught up in minutia of the number of times and acts offered, but the real issue is the presence of desire. Does your partner desire to have sex with you or is she averse to it? Does the thought of sex with you fill her cup or drain it? Are the acts that she DOES engage in intended merely to sate you and tide you over so you don't make further demands? Is "Let's just cuddle" offered pre-emptively as a passive-aggressive way so that your normal desire for sexual intimacy is posed as ruining another kind of intimacy? Does she invest herself in the sexual act - not just as service to you - but also for her own joy, or is it a task to convince her. If she does it, has she done you a favour?
Anyone can have sex, whether they want to or not. The real question is about desire.
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Post by wom360 on Jan 22, 2018 16:18:47 GMT -5
Not sure whether I get too hung up on the actual PIV complete act...... (now that has been a while) Been a while for this but wife still provides other services (admitedly not that often) which result in orgasm. Is this different? Not ideal obviously :-( My satisfaction with other services in lieu of piv would depend on whether the sickness and health loophole to the marriage contract applied.
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Post by surfergirl on Jan 22, 2018 16:59:59 GMT -5
FWIW, I read that the clinical definition is "less than 10 times per year".
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Post by baza on Jan 22, 2018 17:50:06 GMT -5
You know the feeling when you have had a great fuck, where you both got completely swept away in the moment, teased pushed and pulled each other up to the edge of the cliff into that moment of exquisite anticipation and then hurtled off the cliff together tumbling head over heels into a writhing pumping yelling quivering paroxysm of total abandon thrusting, locking up, coming like a freight train ?
Well this ^^^^^ counts as a root.
If you have at least 10 of them a year (plus more supplementary mundane roots, a bit of oral action or whatever else takes both your fancies, plus touching, snogging etc etc) then you probably are NOT in an ILIASM shithole and you probably are not a member of this group.
If, in reading the above, you think "what the fuck is he talking about" and it bears no resemblance to your personal experience, then you can pretty safely assume that you are in an ILIASM shithole.
There is not a real lot of value in counting roots or head/hand jobs in determining your status.
Chances are that if your circumstances reach a point where you are moved to google *sexless marriage* then your marriage is in deep shit.
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Post by M2G on Jan 22, 2018 18:05:03 GMT -5
If I had 10 sexual collisions a year as described above by brother Baza above I would not be sitting alone in a pub eating salmon with my mind racing 24 hours ahead to the meeting with my first prospective AP. But I don’t - so I am.
It’s all relativity: from my POV you have it pretty good
For others, you’d be sex starved in a SM.
It’s more about your own situation as relates to your sex drive and expectations
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Post by bertie1471 on Jan 22, 2018 18:14:20 GMT -5
If I had 10 sexual collisions a year as described above by brother Baza above I would not be sitting alone in a pub eating salmon with my mind racing 24 hours ahead to the meeting with my first prospective AP. But I don’t - so I am. It’s all relativity: from my POV you have it pretty good For others, you’d be sex starved of n a SM. It’s more about your own situation as relates to your sex drive and expectations Yeh I guess everyones situation is different. Is it normal that a LL person would back away in other things too? Like you not seeing them naked etc etc. Strangely my wife is the same with this - no problem at all with it. Which in a way is good but very frustrating for me!
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Post by M2G on Jan 22, 2018 18:29:13 GMT -5
We went “nevernude” a while ago. That one kind of crept up over a period of time.
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Post by surfergirl on Jan 22, 2018 21:28:29 GMT -5
If I had what baza said 10 times in my LIFE (or once)....? I said I had HOT SEX with my Outsourcer but I realize the main reason was that he was willing and I didn’t have to coerce, beg, etc. Such a pathetic low standard I’ve settled for.
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Post by brian on Jan 22, 2018 22:54:05 GMT -5
I can’t remember even once as baza described. Hell, I haven’t had an orgasm that wasn’t self-induced in over a decade. Not allowed to induce an orgasm in my roomie either. So... yeah... I haven’t had what baza describes.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jan 22, 2018 23:04:06 GMT -5
If I’d had 10 encounters matching baza’s description in the entirety of my 17-yr marriage, I may never had googled “sexless marriage” in the first place. If I had never googled it, though, I may have never learned how disconnected we were in the relationship in all the other areas. I like Apocrypha’s measure of: does your W consider these desirable acts that you both enjoy or is it a “favor” to you. Everyone really has their own set of criteria to determine if they are in an SM shithole. But if you searched the term, the odds are good you may be in one.
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 26, 2018 5:04:52 GMT -5
FWIW, I read that the clinical definition is "less than 10 times per year". I’ve read that too before. My wife and I made around 10 one year and 11 the following year (yes I was counting). We were both in our 20’s and all of our friends (when this type of subject came up) were giving numbers like once a week. Once or twice a week, 2-3 times a month. I felt that I was in a sexless relationship and sometimes I think that’s what matters. How you feel.
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Post by h on Jan 26, 2018 5:17:41 GMT -5
FWIW, I read that the clinical definition is "less than 10 times per year". I’ve read that too before. My wife and I made around 10 one year and 11 the following year (yes I was counting). We were both in our 20’s and all of our friends (when this type of subject came up) were giving numbers like once a week. Once or twice a week, 2-3 times a month. I felt that I was in a sexless relationship and sometimes I think that’s what matters. How you feel. That's my experience too. Right from year one, it was about once a month or less. Back then, I flirted daily, complimented her often, asked for it, begged for it, did anything I could to increase my chances, and nothing changed. I gave up doing all that stuff before long and the sex continued at the same pace so I realized that nothing I did made a difference. Still going on about the same and NEVER the amazing experience like baza described above.
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 26, 2018 5:21:48 GMT -5
I’ve read that too before. My wife and I made around 10 one year and 11 the following year (yes I was counting). We were both in our 20’s and all of our friends (when this type of subject came up) were giving numbers like once a week. Once or twice a week, 2-3 times a month. I felt that I was in a sexless relationship and sometimes I think that’s what matters. How you feel. That's my experience too. Right from year one, it was about once a month or less. Back then, I flirted daily, complimented her often, asked for it, begged for it, did anything I could to increase my chances, and nothing changed. I gave up doing all that stuff before long and the sex continued at the same pace so I realized that nothing I did made a difference. Still going on about the same and NEVER the amazing experience like baza described above. In which case you, like me, were/are your partners dildo that she got out of the drawer when she fancies and puts back for any period (maybe indefinite) that she sees fit.
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Post by sweetplumeria on Jan 26, 2018 6:40:04 GMT -5
Whats rejection in its true sense?
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