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Post by Dan on Dec 12, 2017 17:49:44 GMT -5
I'm in a bit of a mood. Maybe I didn't get enough sleep last night. But here I go: I just have to say.... I MISS TOUCH SO MUCH. I mean, I'm so messed up about sex right now that if a woman I was attracted to said she wanted to have sex with me, it is quite possible my head would explode in disbelief, or I I would just crumple and weep. What I want right now so much more than sex is just to hold someone. Be held. Sitting next to her on the couch as we watch TV. Spooning and caressing under the covers. Holding hands in the car. Arm in arm at the theater. Stroking her hair, or she stroking mine. Side by side on a blanket looking up at the stars... someplace warm and beautiful, of course! I'm not always in this mood. But -- boy -- whatever the hormones are that cause and intense desire for touch and cuddling, they are really coursing through my veins today. OK... not much other point to this post than to spill my feelings on this. Maybe I'll plan a cuddle party at my [theoretical future] bachelor pad... (Related thread: NYT article on importance of nonsexual touch)
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Post by misssunnybunny on Dec 12, 2017 18:58:04 GMT -5
What I want right now so much more than sex is just to hold someone. Be held. Sitting next to her on the couch as we watch TV. Spooning and caressing under the covers. Holding hands in the car. Arm in arm at the theater. Stroking her hair, or she stroking mine. Side by side on a blanket looking up at the stars... someplace warm and beautiful, of course! I miss moments like this, too. The intimate connection of just being together, those little romantic, familiar touches that happen with being close and in love. Yep, Bunny could use a little romance and mushy-ness...sigh
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 12, 2017 20:17:48 GMT -5
What I want right now so much more than sex is just to hold someone. Be held. Sitting next to her on the couch as we watch TV. Spooning and caressing under the covers. Holding hands in the car. Arm in arm at the theater. Stroking her hair, or she stroking mine. Side by side on a blanket looking up at the stars... someplace warm and beautiful, of course! I miss moments like this, too. The intimate connection of just being together, those little romantic, familiar touches that happen with being close and in love. Yep, Bunny could use a little romance and mushy-ness...sigh I remember seeing a post about a guy that told a friend that he was in a sexless marriage, and his friend, not realizing the extent of the problem, asked how the blowjobs were. It is not just the PIV sex that is missing. When someone wants you and you want them, that attraction manifests itself in so many intimate ways that are painfully missing in a sexless marriage.
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Post by takestwototango on Dec 12, 2017 20:26:59 GMT -5
Dan, your post makes me want to cry! How I miss being touched! Most days it is all I can do to not break down crying because I feel so alone in this hell hole. Some days I do. I get tired of crying, though. But, I know how you feel. I'm pretty sure we all do.
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Post by Dan on Dec 12, 2017 21:09:49 GMT -5
... Sitting next to her on the couch as we watch TV. ... OR: cuddling on the couch in front of the fire.... ooo la la! Such activities figured prominently in some of the erotic fiction I used to write. Exposed beams.... plate glass windows open to nature... two glasses of wine... discovering a lacy bra as I slip my hand under her shirt... Geez. Better stop there, or I might make my own head explode.
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Post by brian on Dec 12, 2017 22:28:21 GMT -5
... Sitting next to her on the couch as we watch TV. ... OR: cuddling on the couch in front of the fire.... ooo la la! Such activities figured prominently in some of the erotic fiction I used to write. Exposed beams.... plate glass windows open to nature... two glasses of wine... discovering a lacy bra as I slip my hand under her shirt... Geez. Better stop there, or I might make my own head explode. Which head? One of them is okay to explode, the other... is not.
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Post by Caris on Dec 13, 2017 0:36:03 GMT -5
I remember those longings. I’m sure most of us here relate to how you are feeling, Dan. I longed to be held so much that it felt like physical pain as well as emotional pain.
Unfortunately, I have no solution because I still haven’t been touched, but thankfully those longings are mostly gone, so it’s no longer torture, but I may cry too if someone touched me. I don’t know. It’s alien to me. I hope it does not become alien to you, but one can leave it so long that it may become that way.
A virtual hug. 🤗
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2017 0:57:36 GMT -5
What I want right now so much more than sex is just to hold someone. Be held. Sitting next to her on the couch as we watch TV. Spooning and caressing under the covers. Holding hands in the car. Arm in arm at the theater. Stroking her hair, or she stroking mine. Side by side on a blanket looking up at the stars... someplace warm and beautiful, of course! Because it isn’t really about the sex after all, is it? It’s these intimacies that demonstrate love and generate closeness. That closeness leads to sex. But without the physical and emotional intimacy first? It all goes to hell in short order. I’m sorry. I’m right there with you. Here’s to brighter days ahead!
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Post by Dan on Dec 13, 2017 13:06:49 GMT -5
I’m sorry. I’m right there with you. Here’s to brighter days ahead! FWIW, I'm in a much better mood today... and for that matter I wasn't in a terrible mood (like "sorry for myself" or even feeling down) when I wrote that. I was just -- for some reason at that moment -- hyperaware of how much I was craving touch, and by extension how much I miss it as part of may daily diet of human interaction. All the best to all other seekers of copious touch!
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jetcity
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Searching for an answer
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Age Range: 51-55
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Post by jetcity on Dec 13, 2017 14:32:37 GMT -5
So here’s something I was thinking the other day. We have a “ Love” seat we both sit on, it has a center divider with cup holders and a little cubby with a lid. It’s leather, it reclines, it’s very comfortable and nice. Lately I’ve been wanting to take a sledgehammer to the center divider. I wonder if that would be over the top. We used to cuddle on our old couch, she would sit between my legs and rest her head on my shoulder. It sometimes turned in to friskiness and sometimes we would just sit and watch a movie. I miss that so much.
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appleaday
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Age Range: 36-40
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Post by appleaday on Dec 13, 2017 15:46:17 GMT -5
What I want right now so much more than sex is just to hold someone. Be held. Sitting next to her on the couch as we watch TV. Spooning and caressing under the covers. Holding hands in the car. Arm in arm at the theater. Stroking her hair, or she stroking mine. Side by side on a blanket looking up at the stars... someplace warm and beautiful, of course! Because it isn’t really about the sex after all, is it? It’s these intimacies that demonstrate love and generate closeness. That closeness leads to sex. But without the physical and emotional intimacy first? It all goes to hell in short order. I’m sorry. I’m right there with you. Here’s to brighter days ahead! I don't know. My marriage may be sexless but it certainly isn't touchless. We even showered together the other day. We cuddle, kiss, hold hands on occasion. Never as much as I would like and never in bed though. So it kind of is about the sex to me because my marriage has intimacy and love, but it's not enough. I don't know if I could cope with the complete lack of touch you guys talk about. I feel like I'm starving already. 💔
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Post by wastedyears on Dec 13, 2017 17:13:38 GMT -5
Because it isn’t really about the sex after all, is it? It’s these intimacies that demonstrate love and generate closeness. That closeness leads to sex. But without the physical and emotional intimacy first? It all goes to hell in short order. I’m sorry. I’m right there with you. Here’s to brighter days ahead! I don't know. My marriage may be sexless but it certainly isn't touchless. We even showered together the other day. We cuddle, kiss, hold hands on occasion. Never as much as I would like and never in bed though. So it kind of is about the sex to me because my marriage has intimacy and love, but it's not enough. I don't know if I could cope with the complete lack of touch you guys talk about. I feel like I'm starving already. 💔 My H will pull away if I try to hug him or hold his hand, but he will cuddle with me in bed. It's almost like he is offering me a consolation prize. It makes things that much harder for me, because it amps up my frustration.
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listedship
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Post by listedship on Dec 13, 2017 17:58:34 GMT -5
I think physical touch is my primary way of understanding love. I ask for touch, and I will be granted a patronizing brush of my hair on rare occasions. I watched a young couple frolicking the other day and thought, I remember that..... then I married...... what am I thinking.... there has to be more than a life of solitude, silence, and selflessness. To have regular affection would probably satisfy my lack of sex. The isolation I live in is the hardest part.
My dogs understand I want affection, they sit next to me, climb on me, and nuzzle me to pet them. She responds with - he is such an infant, cant he grow past being so needy. I always say, they just want love, we all just want love.
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Post by lwoetin on Dec 14, 2017 2:38:46 GMT -5
I'm in a bit of a mood. Maybe I didn't get enough sleep last night. But here I go: I just have to say.... I MISS TOUCH SO MUCH. I mean, I'm so messed up about sex right now that if a woman I was attracted to said she wanted to have sex with me, I my head would explode in disbelief, or I I would just crumple and weep. What I want right now so much more than sex is just to hold someone. Be held. Sitting next to her on the couch as we watch TV. Spooning and caressing under the covers. Holding hands in the car. Arm in arm at the theater. Stroking her hair, or she stroking mine. Side by side on a blanket looking up at the stars... someplace warm and beautiful, of course! I don't understand why anyone would not want to be held and caressed, in car, theater and looking at the stars. It's like a bug in a code. Trying to debug why the response is wrong. The goal is to find joy and passion in life, instead of just inhale/exhale air. Perhaps their body convert O2 to CO2 more efficiently.
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Post by M2G on Dec 17, 2017 18:27:07 GMT -5
Yeah a cuddle would go a long way. Managed to touch a knee without a flinch yesterday. She's trying. Overheard W crying last night, but she said all OK.
Lots she's working through. Maybe at some point I can help. For now just hanging on the little she can manage, and hoping the progress continues.
Just a little touch like that felt like the best thing in the world.
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