Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 18, 2017 22:39:01 GMT -5
So - I am not a therapist, but I hope to be one someday. And if I do get to be, I hope I never mix up the words “submissive” and “vulnerable” - because to me, these mean different things. Yes, there may be similarities or overlap in their meaning but they are different connotations to me. Being vulnerable may include finding the courage to drop my bad-ass mask, put down my superhero sword for an evening and say: I want you to take care of ME sometimes. Whereas, submissive means going along, accepting a lot of things I don’t agree with, and going with someone else’s plan, without debating whether my plan is better. If this therapist MEANT vulnerable then I’d switch providers. Because words MEAN stuff. Talk therapy simply cannot be effective if the counselor isn’t using the right words!
Post by workingonit on Nov 18, 2017 22:46:22 GMT -5
yes @geekgoddess that is the distinction I was trying to make. If I am going to put down my sword someone is going to need to show me that they can handle taking over. And absolutely finding a therapist who is going to use words wisely is KEY.
That would piss me off too. Knowing me, I’d never go back, but I’m not saying that’s the best thing for you. You know her. I don’t, but if someone does not “get me,” then since I wasted 25-years of my life being too tolerant and too patient with someone who didn’t “get me” at all, I’ve run out of patience, and time, for anyone who doesn’t.
And for the record, JMX, I know what you're referring to regarding "Submission" and strength.
You're talking about vulnerability. And only the strongest can afford to be vulnerable.
Weak folk need to keep all their parts well covered. If exposed and targeted, they'll fall apart. They'll be crushed.
The strong folks can expose themselves and take the consequences. They're able to be put back together and they're not afraid of being torn apart.
If what you say is true, then I’m a very weak woman, and yet I have shouldered so much on my own, and I’m still here. Then again, it did break me, and then again it’s because I know “people” that I cover my vulnerability. Anytime I show vulnerability, it makes me a prime target for narcissists and the unscrupulous, it always has, so maybe my cover is not weakness, but wisdom. I feel fragile in ways, but I also feel strong, and I see nothing wrong with fragility or strength.
I wonder if it is the same concept being discussed here as "being vulnerable". I don't trust her, so I am rather stoic around her. I don't share my "true self". (It is not worth the grief.) I am unwilling to be vulnerable with her, because I don't trust her.
I want to be with a "strong woman". Very much. But for some very specific definition of "strong": has opinions... but knows how to express them clearly/earnestly/patiently, and can confidently to listen to mine. Someone who knows when to stand her ground, but also when to compromise. (In fact, doesn't it take strength to know when and how to compromise? It is admirable.) I want to be with a woman who is sexually strong and confident, but will also follow my lead, let me "be the man".
I want to be with a strong woman who will BALANCE my strengths. And I want us to use our combined strength to make our lives awesome... and make the world a better place.
Such a woman, I could trust. Such a woman could place her trust in me. With such a woman I could be strong and vulnerable. And such a woman could trust me with her vulnerability, too.
For some reason I haven't seen it until just now: the intense intertwinement of trust and vulnerability.
I want to be with a "strong woman". Very much. But for some very specific definition of "strong": has opinions... but knows how to express them, how to listen to mine. Someone who knows when to stand her ground, but also when to compromise.
Last Edit: Nov 22, 2017 13:08:40 GMT -5 by daddeeo
Post by northstarmom on Nov 22, 2017 11:51:56 GMT -5
“Anytime I show vulnerability, it makes me a prime target for narcissists and the unscrupulous, it always has, so maybe my cover is not weakness, but wisdom.”
Seems wise to not show vulnerability until you learn to discern who are people to avoid. Speaking from experience. Took me a long time to figure out who are people whom I can trust and open my heart to and whom are people to avoid because they’ll take advantage of me or treat me unkindly.
i think the narcissists and unscrupulous target virtually everyone. Some people have the wisdom to quickly shun such people. Others let them into their lives and don’t kick them out because of mistakenly thinking that they themselves are the person in the wrong.