Post by timeforliving2 on Apr 26, 2016 18:24:21 GMT -5
I know how much a SM messes with our heads... our emotional state... our feeling of self-worth.When you're in that cycle, it can be hard to break out. With that in mind, I am re-posting a well-liked short story that can help us to dig just a little deeper to find the courage to start changing things. Because one thing is for certain... the status quo isn't working. Therefore, to create some kind of change, you've got to start (or keep) doing something different. So without further ado...
I Am No Nonger Accepting...
The focus of this post is not really religious, but just for a frame of reference, the well-known "Serenity Prayer" goes like this:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Many of us I think grew up with this in the back of our heads. While this may be helpful for some people in terms of how to deal with certain things which they can or cannot control, in the context of sexless marriages, it can steer us in the wrong direction if we're not careful.
Now here's my main point. I saw a great post / sign recently from a friend on FB... and it is a twist on the Serenity Prayer:
"I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept."
For those of us with sexless marriages, this is *much* clearer... and empowering.
I adopted this TWIST on the traditional Serenity Prayer: "I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept." Life goes on. Time marches on. No more status quo. It's time for living.
You are in control of your own choices, and that's it.
In an ILIASM context - #1 - your spouse may choose to withdraw sex. Your control over his choice is zero. #2 - your choice (in light of his choice) is whether you are going to cop it or not, and his control over your choice is zero.
What tends to happen though, is that you - under these situations- is to go along with his choice. You go along with it unwillingly, resentfully, unhappily, and in a pretty pissed off manner. But, you DO go along with it. In effect, you CHOOSE to go along with it. And YOU get to wear the consequences of that choice.
It was - and still is - not your spouses choice that you have stayed. It is - and always was - YOUR choice.
And, you can re-visit your choice whenever you like. Objectively re-assess it. And if you want, change it.
misssunnybunny: You're welcome! So glad to hear you had a great day
Jan 19, 2019 16:34:01 GMT -5
worksforme2: anyone hear anything lately from mrslowmaintenance or smartkat?
Jan 24, 2019 18:06:02 GMT -5
petrushka: Just saw the forecast for Mildura at 47C -- I hope you and Ms. Enna are going to be ok Baz. That's getting dangerous.
Jan 24, 2019 20:10:00 GMT -5
lifeinwoodinville: I last heard from mrslowmaintenance about a month ago. I have been in regular contact with her for the last year and a half. I feel comfortable in saying that her situation remains unchanged. If you want to know more PM me.
Jan 25, 2019 22:36:50 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey baza,...I know it's hot and dry down under. N.C. is having record rainfall. I would gladly trade some rain for some sunshine....
Feb 22, 2019 20:28:35 GMT -5
tamara68: Today it's steak and blowjob day! I suppose the steak is for those who don't get a blowjob.
Mar 14, 2019 16:49:49 GMT -5
petrushka: tamara68 Laughing with tears in my eyes. And my steak is going to be semolina gruel, due to some tummy upset :-\
Mar 15, 2019 1:11:10 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: So sad to hear the news from New Zealand. Boston Strong supports Kiwi Strong!!
Mar 15, 2019 7:46:22 GMT -5
petrushka: I was gobsmacked when I heard. This is just not us. In all of 2017 we had 37 murders in the country ..... I think the echo chambers of "social media" have a lot to answer for.
Mar 15, 2019 18:45:45 GMT -5
baza: Feeling for our Brothers and Sisters across the ditch Brother petrushka .
Mar 15, 2019 19:27:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: petrushka, I thought I read the headline wrong (this stuff happens here, not in NZ). It is frightening the hate that is being spread; it makes my heart hurt.
Mar 15, 2019 20:46:54 GMT -5
saarinista: All of us, IMHO, should try to be civil and kind as much as possible in person and online. I actively Tweet (civilly) on political matters and am horrified by the rancor & trolling on both sides of the spectrum, which only inflames unstable people.
Mar 19, 2019 23:21:20 GMT -5