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Post by surfergirl on Jan 28, 2018 21:59:25 GMT -5
Thanks, everyone.
It's tax season and I completely forgot that I have a Chamber of Commerce ribbon cutting on one of my new stores this week. I'm overwhelmed.
But safe to say, I have to drag my ass back sometime soon so it's impossible to be charged with abandonment. I'm the CEO and....like, I don't even know what to say. I have to send tax docs in tonight and write a press release. I tried to leave, and then I just checked my phone for upcoming events, and I'm like, "Please, lawd, make this stop."
I have a lot on my plate.
Today, I owned my shit with my husband. I called him and said that I am sorry for not listening. I'm sorry for over-reacting. We had a WONDERFUL evening Friday night, and after a filet mignon and asparagus, I wanted to get laid. When he pushed back, I FLEW OFF THE HANDLE. Neither of us was right, but I can't wait for him to behave correctly. I can only own my own stuff. So I did.
Here is the insight I gained: he is afraid of failing (ED issues) and hates that I complain about it. I complain about it, not because I'm a bitch and mean and expect him to be a robot, but because when he fails, it means that I will be SHUT OUT for two months. It was a good talk. Took forever to get there, and seems we have a lot of built up resentment, but this seems to be CORE for us. And I'm glad -- no matter what happens -- that we both understand our own sides and listened to each other.
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Post by csl on Jan 29, 2018 0:01:01 GMT -5
Here is the insight I gained: he is afraid of failing (ED issues) and hates that I complain about it. I complain about it, not because I'm a bitch and mean and expect him to be a robot, but because when he fails, it means that I will be SHUT OUT for two months. It was a good talk. Took forever to get there, and seems we have a lot of built up resentment, but this seems to be CORE for us. And I'm glad -- no matter what happens -- that we both understand our own sides and listened to each other. Shannon Etheridge, a christian marriage writer and speaker, has a saying that goes straight to your hub's attitude. "It doesn't matter if you can't cut the mustard, as long as you can still lick the jar." Tell him that.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 29, 2018 7:48:26 GMT -5
“Here is the insight I gained: he is afraid of failing (ED issues) and hates that I complain about it. “
He has been sexually averse throughout your marriage. Still, if it is his concern, it hasn’t bothered him enough to get medical or psychological help. Thus, the evidence shows that sex isn’t that important to him. Men for whom sex is important run to get help when they can’t perform. He is not likely to change now. Even if under threat of your leaving he seeks help now, it’s not likely to result in a passionate marriage because sex with you just isn’t something he inherently desires.
As is typical here, finding the why doesn’t result in a passionate marriage. You still have 2 options: stay with or without outsourcing or leave.
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boudinMan
Junior Member
frustrated
Posts: 91
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by boudinMan on Jan 29, 2018 13:37:20 GMT -5
By the way, I’m in some dumpy hotel room in Atlanta. I walked this morning. you should have called... i could have been there lickity split. lol
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 29, 2018 19:52:43 GMT -5
Thanks, everyone. It's tax season and I completely forgot that I have a Chamber of Commerce ribbon cutting on one of my new stores this week. I'm overwhelmed. But safe to say, I have to drag my ass back sometime soon so it's impossible to be charged with abandonment. I'm the CEO and....like, I don't even know what to say. I have to send tax docs in tonight and write a press release. I tried to leave, and then I just checked my phone for upcoming events, and I'm like, "Please, lawd, make this stop." I have a lot on my plate. Today, I owned my shit with my husband. I called him and said that I am sorry for not listening. I'm sorry for over-reacting. We had a WONDERFUL evening Friday night, and after a filet mignon and asparagus, I wanted to get laid. When he pushed back, I FLEW OFF THE HANDLE. Neither of us was right, but I can't wait for him to behave correctly. I can only own my own stuff. So I did. Here is the insight I gained: he is afraid of failing (ED issues) and hates that I complain about it. I complain about it, not because I'm a bitch and mean and expect him to be a robot, but because when he fails, it means that I will be SHUT OUT for two months. It was a good talk. Took forever to get there, and seems we have a lot of built up resentment, but this seems to be CORE for us. And I'm glad -- no matter what happens -- that we both understand our own sides and listened to each other. Sorry if I sound skeptical. perhaps i am taking into account the 20 yrs you have been manipulated. This part has me thinking "he bought more time" -" When he fails it means that I will be SHUT OUT for two months." Well ....that does sound exactly like, what will happen again. "the hamster on the wheel" These are called "circular arguments". "I can only own my own stuff. So I did." That's great! that's powerful! Have you considered that your H "needs" to do the same thing, but what is the reality? What is his 20yr track record? Like baza asked you, " What's going to happen to surfergirl in the year 2019 when Mr. I only date single woman comes knocking on your door?" This is worded 100% better than I can do. I hope it's helpful for you ,and others. (it is for me) www.facebook.com/Shrink4Men/photos/a.182161483981.152087.138379663981/10156233236353982/?type=3&theater(Narc club rule no. 5)
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Post by jim44444 on Jan 30, 2018 13:41:25 GMT -5
“Here is the insight I gained: he is afraid of failing (ED issues) and hates that I complain about it. “ He has been sexually averse throughout your marriage. Still, if it is his concern, it hasn’t bothered him enough to get medical or psychological help. Thus, the evidence shows that sex isn’t that important to him. Men for whom sex is important run to get help when they can’t perform. He is not likely to change now. Even if under threat of your leaving he seeks help now, it’s not likely to result in a passionate marriage because sex with you just isn’t something he inherently desires. As is typical here, finding the why doesn’t result in a passionate marriage. You still have 2 options: stay with or without outsourcing or leave. surfergirl Take northstarmom words to heart. They are true. After my last sexual encounter with my W she complained that I was not hard enough. A fair statement so 2 days later I had an appointment with my doctor. We discussed if the ED was physical or psychological. He knows of my SM from prior input from my W and I during routine checkups. The easiest approach was generic Viagra. So now I have these little pills, waiting on a chance to try them out. As has been mentioned many times if a man wants to fuck you then there are damn few things that can get in his way. I assume the same is true for women.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Mar 18, 2018 13:10:23 GMT -5
I could only find booty shorts to wear to bed last night: ibb.co/f0BqHxNOW my h wants sex. Is demanding it. We’ll see if I get off or just him...
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Post by hopingforachange on Mar 18, 2018 21:09:34 GMT -5
I could only find booty shorts to wear to bed last night: ibb.co/f0BqHxNOW my h wants sex. Is demanding it. We’ll see if I get off or just him... And? Did you? And with him?
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Mar 18, 2018 21:44:38 GMT -5
I couldn’t get turned on. He ended up MB on me.
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Post by hopingforachange on Mar 19, 2018 5:59:55 GMT -5
I couldn’t get turned on. He ended up MB on me. I'm sorry.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Mar 19, 2018 11:00:02 GMT -5
Me too; we ended up having a huge fight over something that happened last week (he hid dishes from me because I left a dirty one when I was in a hurry to leave he house)… He told me that I needed to tell him exactly what the problem was, without “gaslighting” him (I think he actually learned that word from me, lol). I have to give ONE EXAMPLE of where EXACTLY he’s done something over and over again to force him to do something dramatic to get his attention.
I said, well there was that whole thing about not having sex for 15 years… he didn’t like that answer.
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Post by jim44444 on Mar 21, 2018 23:46:41 GMT -5
He hid dishes??? WTF!!! Is he 10 years old?
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Mar 23, 2018 1:10:15 GMT -5
Evidently so...
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Post by elynne on Mar 23, 2018 5:37:05 GMT -5
H hid my bicycle key from me once because I had left it in the bike lock while the bike was in our driveway. He also won’t tell me where he keeps the charger for the dog’s lamp for letting her out at night. It’s their childish way of infantilizing us and remaining in control.
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Post by hopingforachange on Mar 23, 2018 6:12:19 GMT -5
H hid my bicycle key from me once because I had left it in the bike lock while the bike was in our driveway. He also won’t tell me where he keeps the charger for the dog’s lamp for letting her out at night. It’s their childish way of infantilizing us and remaining in control. WTF, that is childish crap.
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