Post by solodriver on May 7, 2017 2:51:16 GMT -5
Welcome and I'm glad you found us. As you have read, we each have founds ways to deal with our situations, thanks to the friendships and sharing that happens here. Please know you are not alone and please read as often as you can. Something here may help you find your way on this path. We, collectively, open our arms to you. As you can see, many folks here are at various places along this path. But we each here support and care about each person on this path. I know for me, the folks here have been able to help me feel whole again and understand the most important thing to understand: YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM, NOR IS HAVING A STRONG SEXUAL DRIVE A BAD THING. OUR REFUSERS ARE THE ONES WITH THE PROBLEM! We just have to evaluate our situations and figure out what is best for us.
Because of the folks here, even though I'm still in my almost 19 year sexless marriage, I have learned how to deal with it and no longer blame myself about anything related to having a sexless marriage. I am so much stronger, have restored my self-esteem, and put the blame for the problem exactly where it belongs, with my refuser wife. And she can no longer hurt me either. We are roommates, and I will always care for her as I would any family member, but she will never hurt me again because of her choice to shut down the romantic sexual part of our marriage. And I also will not allow that to close my mind to future possibilities.
I'm living my life the best I can and am enjoying new friendships and experiences that previously I would not have allowed myself to have because I felt "obligated" to my refuser. And the wonderful, beautiful folks here are the ones that helped make that happen for me. Sometimes we need a hug and sometime we need a little kick n our butts, but each one is coming from someone who is or has lived very similar experience to yours.
We are here for you.