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Post by dinnaken on May 21, 2017 4:48:50 GMT -5
Bravo eternaloptimism, I am delighted to read your posts; a clear appraisal of your situation and laid out before your partner without anger, well done. My two-penneth, I experienced huge relief after breaking the news of my decision to my wife and this was followed by a slump and a wobble. Be prepared for those and keep the momentum up. As you rightly say, one step at a time, they don't have to be as big steps as your first but you still have to keep taking them. All the very, very best
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Post by eternaloptimism on May 21, 2017 4:58:37 GMT -5
Thanks petrushka. I will be careful At least I have it documented here. He can't try to gaslight me ... I have evidence he he. I really don't hold high expectations that this will now run into a completely amicable separation - although honestly that is my ideal. But I can't predict him. Regardless, I saw and felt him understand me last night. That is enough for me to be able to stop feeling guilty like it's all my fault. I got my acknowledgement from him that this situation must end for both our sakes. I now feel more able to act for my self and my kids knowing that he absolutely knows that HE ALONE is responsible for his actions, and how he CHOOSES to deal with his shit is up to him. And that for me to continue in this situation is killing me. And I won't continue. I, as part of my own mental fucked upness, have a need to be understood to be honest. I feel I must justify everything and be accountable to everyone around me. I am working on myself a lot! It's fucking hard and horrible. But I get it a bit now. One on one counselling will be good when that eventually happens.
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Post by eternaloptimism on May 21, 2017 5:04:23 GMT -5
Bravo eternaloptimism , I am delighted to read your posts; a clear appraisal of your situation and laid out before your partner without anger, well done. My two-penneth, I experienced huge relief after breaking the news of my decision to my wife and this was followed by a slump and a wobble. Be prepared for those and keep the momentum up. As you rightly say, one step at a time, they don't have to be as big steps as your first but you still have to keep taking them. All the very, very best Thanks dinnaken. It does feel good to have been able to get it out there. Its all consuming while its jamming up your heart and mind. I feel lighter. Definitely. Mind you, I've got 9 delicious hours until he comes in from work so that's probably helping! I wonder what he's thinking today?!?
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Post by hopingforachange on May 21, 2017 6:28:45 GMT -5
So I am going to remind you of the Cycle of Abuse and with his hard drug use, he can skip right from the start of the honeymoon right to the act of violence, physical or psychological. Please keep your guard up until there is some distance between you. It would be better for him to leave so you can take care of the kids. And make sure you get all the locks changed. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_of_abuse
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Post by Venus Erotes on May 21, 2017 7:59:31 GMT -5
Thanks petrushka . I will be careful At least I have it documented here. He can't try to gaslight me ... I have evidence he he. I really don't hold high expectations that this will now run into a completely amicable separation - although honestly that is my ideal. But I can't predict him. Regardless, I saw and felt him understand me last night. That is enough for me to be able to stop feeling guilty like it's all my fault. I got my acknowledgement from him that this situation must end for both our sakes. I now feel more able to act for my self and my kids knowing that he absolutely knows that HE ALONE is responsible for his actions, and how he CHOOSES to deal with his shit is up to him. And that for me to continue in this situation is killing me. And I won't continue. I, as part of my own mental fucked upness, have a need to be understood to be honest. I feel I must justify everything and be accountable to everyone around me. I am working on myself a lot! It's fucking hard and horrible. But I get it a bit now. One on one counselling will be good when that eventually happens. I am SOOOOO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU!!!!! Way to go EO! -Hey, that rhymes! Yes, you can only fix you and he can only fix him. Love who you are and be proud of yourself for getting this far. Everyone here loves you, and you definitely need to make sure you love yourself too! It's amazing what time away can do, isn't it? XOXO!
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Post by eternaloptimism on May 21, 2017 9:21:52 GMT -5
Thanks petrushka . I will be careful At least I have it documented here. He can't try to gaslight me ... I have evidence he he. I really don't hold high expectations that this will now run into a completely amicable separation - although honestly that is my ideal. But I can't predict him. Regardless, I saw and felt him understand me last night. That is enough for me to be able to stop feeling guilty like it's all my fault. I got my acknowledgement from him that this situation must end for both our sakes. I now feel more able to act for my self and my kids knowing that he absolutely knows that HE ALONE is responsible for his actions, and how he CHOOSES to deal with his shit is up to him. And that for me to continue in this situation is killing me. And I won't continue. I, as part of my own mental fucked upness, have a need to be understood to be honest. I feel I must justify everything and be accountable to everyone around me. I am working on myself a lot! It's fucking hard and horrible. But I get it a bit now. One on one counselling will be good when that eventually happens. I am SOOOOO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU!!!!! Way to go EO! -Hey, that rhymes! Yes, you can only fix you and he can only fix him. Love who you are and be proud of yourself for getting this far. Everyone here loves you, and you definitely need to make sure you love yourself too! It's amazing what time away can do, isn't it? XOXO! That's just 2 nights as well!! i hope to progress even better when we are permanently apart xx
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Post by tamara68 on May 21, 2017 10:46:07 GMT -5
Well done eternaloptimism! You are moving in the right direction. Better times ahead!
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Post by eternaloptimism on May 21, 2017 12:28:29 GMT -5
Well done eternaloptimism ! You are moving in the right direction. Better times ahead! Thanks tamara68 when im out and sorted were going to that Dali museum! Xxx
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Post by tamara68 on May 22, 2017 9:42:25 GMT -5
Well done eternaloptimism ! You are moving in the right direction. Better times ahead! Thanks tamara68 when im out and sorted were going to that Dali museum! Xxx Yes! But I think you mean the Magritte museam in Brussels (The Dali museum is in Barcelona - which is on my list too )
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Post by McRoomMate on May 22, 2017 9:54:07 GMT -5
Congratulations eternaloptimism I hope you get some temporary freedom ASAP - Very good idea on changing the locks. Also as I am sure has been said BE AWARE of flip flops and emotional flares (in my case could come from anyone including me). Going thru separation is like a slow steady walk with nitroglycerin bottles - It can seem all calm and then the slightest twitch and BOOM. Courage and Blessings ! ! !
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Post by eternaloptimism on May 23, 2017 13:35:02 GMT -5
Thanks tamara68 when im out and sorted were going to that Dali museum! Xxx Yes! But I think you mean the Magritte museam in Brussels (The Dali museum is in Barcelona - which is on my list too ) Yeah. I probably mean that one. Any'll do really ... creativity and good company is a great combo xxx
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Post by eternaloptimism on May 23, 2017 13:37:14 GMT -5
Congratulations eternaloptimism I hope you get some temporary freedom ASAP - Very good idea on changing the locks. Also as I am sure has been said BE AWARE of flip flops and emotional flares (in my case could come from anyone including me). Going thru separation is like a slow steady walk with nitroglycerin bottles - It can seem all calm and then the slightest twitch and BOOM. Courage and Blessings ! ! ! Thanks Roomster flip op flops and flares. Sound like shaggy from scooby-doo lol! its been weirdly quiet since this last talk. Like hes hoping ive forgotten. I need to broach the subject again. Grr. I find it really hard.
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Post by tamara68 on May 23, 2017 13:54:41 GMT -5
Yes! But I think you mean the Magritte museam in Brussels (The Dali museum is in Barcelona - which is on my list too ) Yeah. I probably mean that one. Any'll do really ... creativity and good company is a great combo xxx I am looking forward to it We'll make sure to have a nice story to tell on iliasm xxx
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Post by hopingforachange on May 23, 2017 14:17:21 GMT -5
Congratulations eternaloptimism I hope you get some temporary freedom ASAP - Very good idea on changing the locks. Also as I am sure has been said BE AWARE of flip flops and emotional flares (in my case could come from anyone including me). Going thru separation is like a slow steady walk with nitroglycerin bottles - It can seem all calm and then the slightest twitch and BOOM. Courage and Blessings ! ! ! Thanks Roomster flip op flops and flares. Sound like shaggy from scooby-doo lol! its been weirdly quiet since this last talk. Like hes hoping ive forgotten. I need to broach the subject again. Grr. I find it really hard. You can do it. While the it is painful now, your heart will feel better soon.
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Post by lyn on May 23, 2017 14:40:50 GMT -5
eternaloptimismGirl you are inspiring! These are horrible - hard - crucial conversations - it might be worth having another talk very soon while there is still some momentum left from the last one. Eyes wide open of course. Maybe tell him ahead of time that you'd like to have another convo at such-and-such a time. Maybe a heads-up could keep things more mellow and constructive. Watching from the other side of the pond and sending positive thoughts - vibes in your direction!
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