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Post by Admin on Nov 16, 2016 15:49:45 GMT -5
Hi all.
The fact that the "Introduction" thread is growing is both good and bad.
It is good that folks are joining, finding support, and being comfortable enough to share their initial stories.
But of course it is bad/sad that so many folks are dealing with a sexless marriage!
The other downside is that that thread is VERY long. I fear that make it intimidating for new folks to add their story... or for it to get regular readers. (Imagine someone who feels they need to read the whole thread to "catch up" before adding anything; that is nearly impossible at this point.)
SOOO...
I'm seeking suggestions on how to make the "Introduction" process a bit more tractable.
I'll get us started with some possible suggestions. Please comment, or suggest a modification, or propose something entirely new.
Suggestion 1 (simplest for the mods to manage):
Once in a while (maybe monthly, or when the thread exceeds five pages) CLOSE the current "Introduction" thread, rename it (such as "Introductions -- October 2016"), and open a new one name "Introductions".
Suggestion 2 (more work for the mods):
AFTER someone posts in "Introductions" and gets a few replies, select the introduction post and related replies, and MOVE those few posts to their own thread, named after the new user, and move that new thread to "Sexless Marriage Issues". Example: recent post and replies to new user "elena" could be moved to a new thread called "elena's Introduction" and moved to SM issues.
I'm actually leaning "Suggestion 2" at the moment.
Comments? Concerns?
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Post by jim44444 on Nov 16, 2016 16:34:23 GMT -5
Suggestion 2 sounds best but I would suggest leaving the thread in the Welcome forum. That might make it easier to find someone's initial story.
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Post by DryCreek on Nov 16, 2016 16:37:59 GMT -5
#1 seems the simplest, for sure. Though I dunno about locking the old one because sometimes folks want to chime in later. But would be good if it didn't resurface and confuse things, too. (Zombie threads, I think they're called. ;-)
#2 sounds like the work would ever end, though it would certainly be clean.
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Post by unmatched on Nov 16, 2016 18:44:07 GMT -5
How about having an introduction thread that is read only and tells people welcome and how to start their own new thread in sexless marriages, and makes it clear that they are very welcome to do this? Otherwise you are going to be endlessly shuffling stuff around.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 16, 2016 20:09:30 GMT -5
My experience with the introduction thread is a lot of, " Hi, I am new here ,I read a lot on here, this is very helpful for me." That's about as far as it goes. Then a few of us try to encourage them to open up more, and give them some pointers and encouragement. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I think the "few" are getting burned out from it. It happens. I read it less and less. Perhaps it needs to be removed, or more of an instruction, 101, beginners manual? A fill in the blank diagram? Show some examples.
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Post by Admin on Nov 16, 2016 21:30:18 GMT -5
#1 seems the simplest, for sure. Though I dunno about locking the old one because sometimes folks want to chime in later. But would be good if it didn't resurface and confuse things, too. (Zombie threads, I think they're called. ;-) Good point about locking; I agree it is OK if someone wants to reply to someone. I'm just aiming for a way to get NEW folks to introduce on the newest/current intro thread. Perhaps I'll mark "retiring intro threads" as "falling" (which means the don't pop to the top when a new post is added). Thus the newest/current intro thread will stay above the "retiring" ones.
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Post by baza on Nov 16, 2016 21:57:50 GMT -5
I think it would be far better if the initial poster did so under their own thread in the introduction group, thus keeping their post (and responses thereto) all together rather than spread around like a dogs breakfast. But, given that initial posters cannot know what a dogs breakfast is created by this, then I think your intervention proposal makes a whole lot of sense. - An alternate view would be to scrub the introduction group altogether, put a note up saying "Welcome" together with a guideline to post their story in the appropriate group. - I think there is an essential flaw in this layout, and it is probably not fixable. The EP site was nothing brilliant, but it did have the virtue of - largely - keeping people on the topic of the story. This ILIASM site lends itself more to people commenting on the comments, rather than the original story and unsurprisingly, threads tend to inadvertently get hi-jacked a lot. And a lot of worthwhile material gets buried as a result. - An example would be JonDoes Oct 21 thread (about his missus having a vibrator) By the end of the first page of comments, it had veered off to "Zipcode therapy" By the second page of comments it was off discussing the validity of the claim that "everything is great bar the sex" By page 3, it had moved on to "ultimatums". Page 4 saw it head off to "scheduling sex". Page 5 shows it having darted off to "menopause as a 'why" Page 6 comments are still accruing. - ALL of these subjects the above thread drove off to are worthwhile subjects, but really, we may as well be in a chat room. And it is so very difficult to find back comments. If I wanted to find out what, if anything, Sister Isabella had said about helping kids transition through a divorce, a look at HER stories 'might' reveal that info. But if she wrote that info as a comment on IdahoBumFucks thread about "counter-refusing", it would be just blind luck to find it. - - - And now, as I review the above, I have sort of veered off topic too !!!! Sorry. - I think we are pretty much stuck with what we've got here.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2016 23:01:19 GMT -5
People want to investigate and compare their marriage to others. So want to lurk a while before joining in. So I wonder if introductions should come at the ends of forum - maybe instead introductions add some kind of questionnaire about their marriage - how long has it been, what do think was initial cause or has it always been this way etc.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Nov 17, 2016 0:59:54 GMT -5
People want to investigate and compare their marriage to others. So want to lurk a while before joining in. So I wonder if introductions should come at the ends of forum - maybe instead introductions add some kind of questionnaire about their marriage - how long has it been, what do think was initial cause or has it always been this way etc. I think an optional questionnaire is a really good idea. Optional because it could well put some people off if they HAD to do it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2016 1:06:22 GMT -5
People want to investigate and compare their marriage to others. So want to lurk a while before joining in. So I wonder if introductions should come at the ends of forum - maybe instead introductions add some kind of questionnaire about their marriage - how long has it been, what do think was initial cause or has it always been this way etc. I think an optional questionnaire is a really good idea. Optional because it could well put some people off if they HAD to do it. I agree always optional that why you should SM up from and tell us about yourself at the end
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Post by lwoetin on Nov 17, 2016 2:40:15 GMT -5
I think the Intro thread makes it easy to get started in the forum without starting a thread, so it can be useful. So let new members say Hi there but encourage them to just start their own thread to discuss their particular situation. I don't look in the Intro thread much and scan new threads instead. Intro is definitely too big and needs paring. I think Suggestion 1 can work.
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Post by Admin on Nov 17, 2016 8:37:19 GMT -5
The EP site was nothing brilliant, but it did have the virtue of - largely - keeping people on the topic of the story. This ILIASM site lends itself more to people commenting on the comments, rather than the original story and unsurprisingly, threads tend to inadvertently get hi-jacked a lot. And a lot of worthwhile material gets buried as a result. I don't think this site is fundamentally different than EP, as a "thread" here seems to DIRECTLY correspond to a posted "experience" there. My thoughts on hijacks: • Sometimes annoying, sometimes justified or funny, they are not fundamentally evil. Just like a conversation at a cocktail party: it meanders, ends up someplace different than it started, and usually fades gracefully. Usually: no harm, no foul. • On a few occasions, moderators have split threads where an IMPORTANT sub-topic was introduced, or the original topic was too important to hijack. If you strongly feel a thread would benefit this, use the "Report Post" feature to get moderator attention, and include a reason. • The best way to manage this is for members to remember to start a new thread when appropriate!
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Post by Admin on Nov 17, 2016 16:26:56 GMT -5
OK -- I just gave something a try: carving off five to eight pages of introductions in to separate "archived introductions" threads. I also made the original "Introduce Yourself" thread "sticky" (which means keep it at the top of this board; indicated by a red push-pin icon).
Since intros slowed down after the initial wave of immigrants from EP, looks like we might only need to do this every quarter or so, which is not too much of a moderation burden.
Thanks to everyone who gave some input.
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Post by baza on Nov 17, 2016 20:01:37 GMT -5
It's a fair point you make about the numbers Brother Admin. Currently 485 which is not greatly more than it was back in May 6 months ago. There does seem to be somewhere between 180 - 200 "visitors to the group in the last 24 hours", at any given moment but it seems not too many of them convert in to members.
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