You've reached the "ILIASM Forum".

This is an active support community for men and women dealing with the causes and effects of living in a sexless marriage. Sexless marriages may be entirely devoid of intimacy, but the term is used clinically to include couples who engage in sex fewer than 10 times per year. The causes are many, but the effects are generally detrimental, and in some cases devastating.

What is "ILIASM"? It stands for "I Live In A Sexless Marriage".

If that applies to you, then you probably need this site.

Where can you turn for support and understanding with your sexless marriage? Counseling (both individual and marital therapy) can have some benefit, but is not a cure-all. (This is actually often discussed on the forum.) Your family and friends may not be able to understand the depth of your suffering, or you may be reluctant to share intimate details... especially if you feel no one will believe you or show due sympathy. There are books and advice websites galore which propose other ways to fix your situation.

We offer not a fix but support: first of all, the support in knowing that a normal healthy sex life is a reasonable expectation in a marriage. Second, we offer the wisdom of how to deal with the burdens you may be carrying, as we've been there, too. We'll share stories, resources, and lend an ear, a hand, or a shoulder. Third, we offer you insights and options. But only you can decide what is best for you.

This is a moderated forum: the community has posted Guidelines outlining what is allowed on the site and expectations of a supportive decorum. Volunteer moderators encourage all to provide earnest and well-meaning support. However, there is no "party line" here. There are many voices, many opinions, and many options. It is up to you to share enough of your experiences so that you can receive the input you need.

Feel free to start browsing the message boards in the forum to consider if you'd like to participate. (Non-members can read the posts, but not interact.) Membership is free, but you must be 18 years or older to register. Registered members may participate in discussions by asking questions, posting supportive answers, or commenting on other posts.

To browse now, continue to the main Forum page.


This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
solodriver: Happy Birthday surfergirl :) Mar 8, 2018 21:42:51 GMT -5
tamara68: , , , and thanks all! Yes it feels good. but also a bit mixed feelings. Switching between sadness, loss and excitement lol :-) Mar 9, 2018 6:01:48 GMT -5
wewbwb: I am sure that it's not a simple thing . Mar 9, 2018 6:17:17 GMT -5
tamara68: Hi , no not simple. however, despite all, it is much much better than my marriage. Mar 9, 2018 6:55:24 GMT -5
boudinMan: yoohoo, becca... hope you're still alive! Mar 11, 2018 13:03:00 GMT -5
saarinista: Hope everyone in the northeastern US is surviving the horrible storms up there.... Mar 12, 2018 21:16:32 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Doing okay so far! Expecting 16-20" of snow by me. Yet another snow day... Mar 13, 2018 9:36:24 GMT -5
lonelywifey: Looks like we will end up with another foot and a half here. UGH. Mar 13, 2018 21:27:42 GMT -5
nancyb: RIP Stephen Hawkings. Mar 14, 2018 6:10:55 GMT -5
saarinista: get out the sleds! yay! 😩 Mar 14, 2018 6:59:32 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Apparently a FOURTH nor'easter may be on the way mid-next week. noooooo! Mar 14, 2018 17:51:30 GMT -5
saarinista: Anybody watching the March Madness? Not to reveal where I went to school but go green! Mar 15, 2018 14:33:05 GMT -5
davelobe: Hello all...it's my first time in here. Mar 16, 2018 21:53:08 GMT -5
saarinista: Oops. hi . welcome! If you feel like it go tell us a little bit about your situation in the welcome area. Or,just lurk, but it's more fun if you participate. Mar 16, 2018 22:36:25 GMT -5
saarinista: So we have no basketball fans on this forum? Nobody is watching March Madness? I am and it's making me so nervous! Mar 18, 2018 15:58:27 GMT -5
LITW: Four Nor'easters in one month would be the real "march madness" Mar 19, 2018 16:42:40 GMT -5
saarinista: Well never mind. My March Madness has turned into March sadness. My team lost! 😭😭 Mar 19, 2018 19:37:26 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Awww...sorry saarinista. :( Mar 20, 2018 8:15:17 GMT -5
saarinista: Thank you @missunnybunny Mar 20, 2018 14:13:24 GMT -5
nycblues: hi brothers & sisters. Another newcomer here. Mar 22, 2018 17:14:25 GMT -5