You've reached the "ILIASM Forum".

This is an active support community for men and women dealing with the causes and effects of living in a sexless marriage. Sexless marriages may be entirely devoid of intimacy, but the term is used clinically to include couples who engage in sex fewer than 10 times per year. The causes are many, but the effects are generally detrimental, and in some cases devastating.

What is "ILIASM"? It stands for "I Live In A Sexless Marriage".

If that applies to you, then you probably need this site.

Where can you turn for support and understanding with your sexless marriage? Counseling (both individual and marital therapy) can have some benefit, but is not a cure-all. (This is actually often discussed on the forum.) Your family and friends may not be able to understand the depth of your suffering, or you may be reluctant to share intimate details... especially if you feel no one will believe you or show due sympathy. There are books and advice websites galore which propose other ways to fix your situation.

We offer not a fix but support: first of all, the support in knowing that a normal healthy sex life is a reasonable expectation in a marriage. Second, we offer the wisdom of how to deal with the burdens you may be carrying, as we've been there, too. We'll share stories, resources, and lend an ear, a hand, or a shoulder. Third, we offer you insights and options. But only you can decide what is best for you.

This is a moderated forum: the community has posted Guidelines outlining what is allowed on the site and expectations of a supportive decorum. Volunteer moderators encourage all to provide earnest and well-meaning support. However, there is no "party line" here. There are many voices, many opinions, and many options. It is up to you to share enough of your experiences so that you can receive the input you need.

Feel free to start browsing the message boards in the forum to consider if you'd like to participate. (Non-members can read the posts, but not interact.) Membership is free, but you must be 18 years or older to register. Registered members may participate in discussions by asking questions, posting supportive answers, or commenting on other posts.

To browse now, continue to the main Forum page.


This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
solodriver: Happy Birthday h :) Aug 31, 2018 1:52:03 GMT -5
h: Thanks Aug 31, 2018 4:17:08 GMT -5
choosinghappy: Hope you had a great birthday ! Sept 1, 2018 21:19:34 GMT -5
mrrobot: Hi guys, I don't know if this community is still active - if so, I posted a thread at the forum if anyone could give me some light I'd be really thankful! Cheers Sept 2, 2018 7:48:17 GMT -5
georgia: Hi...I’ve just joined the group. And I simply need a place to vent and hopefully receive some help dealing with my utterly sexless marriage. After 15 years of marriage our sex life has dwindled to nada, zero, nothing. Sept 3, 2018 14:48:18 GMT -5
kh: yooo Sept 4, 2018 4:26:22 GMT -5
kh: i need support . i'm glad there isa community for this. obviuosly nobody wants to be here Sept 4, 2018 4:26:50 GMT -5
kh: i'm only in 5 yeasr in marriage, but we had a baby 8 monhts ago. this throws a wrench into many things. Sept 4, 2018 4:27:10 GMT -5
kh: my wife knows i'm completely commited as a dad.. even wants anther kid.. which is nooot happening Sept 4, 2018 4:27:57 GMT -5
kh: i dont understand why she will lie to me. don't tellme lie oh we can have esx next weekend or next month ... and keep pushing Sept 4, 2018 4:28:30 GMT -5
kh: crazy. Sept 4, 2018 4:28:33 GMT -5
kh: why even marry someone with a high libido if you hate sex Sept 4, 2018 4:28:42 GMT -5
javba: - fast forward 2 kids and 20 years later I have not resolved the problem you're looking at. Now I have cracked 51 yrs, have lesser chances of finding someone, not as market-able. You may want to reconsider "child is 8 mon old" with a 50% divorce rate Sept 4, 2018 10:07:57 GMT -5
DryCreek: , , - welcome! I see a couple of you have posted your stories in the forum. I think not a lot of folks use this chat because you can only see it on laptops, not on phones. , please do post your story and vent here. We get it. Sept 6, 2018 10:29:43 GMT -5
h: Happy Birthday Sept 14, 2018 10:35:47 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Happy Birthday !!! Sept 14, 2018 16:18:02 GMT -5
worksforme2: Day 1 of what will likely be 4 days of rain. I'm about an hour north of Charlotte and it looks like we will be mostly dealing with water. Sept 15, 2018 21:10:11 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Be safe wfm2! Sept 16, 2018 8:45:25 GMT -5
warmways: Yes-please be safe! Sept 23, 2018 16:33:27 GMT -5
worksforme2: whooa,...is that a like I see from smartkat ? ......I have been wondering about you...... Sept 23, 2018 21:18:07 GMT -5