You've reached the "ILIASM Forum".

This is an active support community for men and women dealing with the causes and effects of living in a sexless marriage. Sexless marriages may be entirely devoid of intimacy, but the term is used clinically to include couples who engage in sex fewer than 10 times per year. The causes are many, but the effects are generally detrimental, and in some cases devastating.

What is "ILIASM"? It stands for "I Live In A Sexless Marriage".

If that applies to you, then you probably need this site.

Where can you turn for support and understanding with your sexless marriage? Counseling (both individual and marital therapy) can have some benefit, but is not a cure-all. (This is actually often discussed on the forum.) Your family and friends may not be able to understand the depth of your suffering, or you may be reluctant to share intimate details... especially if you feel no one will believe you or show due sympathy. There are books and advice websites galore which propose other ways to fix your situation.

We offer not a fix but support: first of all, the support in knowing that a normal healthy sex life is a reasonable expectation in a marriage. Second, we offer the wisdom of how to deal with the burdens you may be carrying, as we've been there, too. We'll share stories, resources, and lend an ear, a hand, or a shoulder. Third, we offer you insights and options. But only you can decide what is best for you.

This is a moderated forum: the community has posted Guidelines outlining what is allowed on the site and expectations of a supportive decorum. Volunteer moderators encourage all to provide earnest and well-meaning support. However, there is no "party line" here. There are many voices, many opinions, and many options. It is up to you to share enough of your experiences so that you can receive the input you need.

Feel free to start browsing the message boards in the forum to consider if you'd like to participate. (Non-members can read the posts, but not interact.) Membership is free, but you must be 18 years or older to register. Registered members may participate in discussions by asking questions, posting supportive answers, or commenting on other posts.

To browse now, continue to the main Forum page.


This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
worksforme2: Hey ironhamster...I just saw your picture on another site and your head wasn't covered. You actually look better without the bandana.... Sept 2, 2019 11:54:55 GMT -5
javba: Dunno Iron Hamster - I have not seen your other photo - I think you ROCK anyways. Sept 4, 2019 10:11:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happened across Tamara68 on another site, messaged her but she didn't respond... Sept 15, 2019 13:13:02 GMT -5
elkclan2: Dealing with an escaped gerbil. Fun times. Sept 16, 2019 13:01:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: 1. Hope tamara is doing well. 2. Elkclan2, did you catch the critter??? Sept 17, 2019 15:40:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Tamara answered me yesterday. She and her partner are moving into a house next week. It's probably about as good as is possible. She didn't comment on the situation with her daughter. Sept 17, 2019 17:46:02 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Thanks for the update; just hope she is happy Sept 17, 2019 19:49:55 GMT -5
workingonit: Elkclan2 my son's gerbil escaped at the same time as his pet snake. I did not think it was a coincidence! Sept 17, 2019 20:40:26 GMT -5
hopingforachange: Wow, is been forever since I read the shoutbox. Sept 17, 2019 21:33:01 GMT -5
hopingforachange: I need to set up another Skype session. Sept 17, 2019 21:33:16 GMT -5
sme935: Not quite sure if anyone reads it but if there is a female in the Chicago area (40-60 years old) who is interested in chatting with me drop me a message or look at my profile for messenger screenname; Sept 19, 2019 9:09:33 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Another Skype session would be great! Sept 21, 2019 10:51:02 GMT -5
elkclan2: Gerbil was recaptured unharmed. Turns out my cat is good at opening gerbil cages, but not good at catching gerbils. Sept 27, 2019 8:10:33 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Yay! Glad to hear the critter is okay. :) Sept 28, 2019 20:44:20 GMT -5
worksforme2: elkclan2....don't feed cat for a couple days, cat will become very proficient at catching gerbil Sept 29, 2019 14:15:01 GMT -5
javba: Hi folks been gone a minute [several minutes actually] What is the skype we're referencing? Oct 1, 2019 8:55:44 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: , once in a while someone sets up a group Skype chat, so we can see each other and chat. I have a Skype account with my user name from here for them. One hasn't happened in a long time... Oct 6, 2019 9:55:29 GMT -5
wewbwb: I'm pretty sure that it was seeing my ass. Oct 6, 2019 15:21:29 GMT -5
petrushka: you breed donkeys? Oct 10, 2019 6:05:03 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday shamwow…. Oct 11, 2019 9:02:53 GMT -5