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Post by mirrororchid on Aug 20, 2024 4:50:16 GMT -5
Sorry if I missed the immigration angle. "We are stuck on immigration for almost a decade" Divorce would pooch that. I'm guessing she's a citizen, you aren't? But you are the father of American citizens? Checking legal web sites...this is a green card situation? Permanent residency after a decade? Something like that? Are you sure a wife soaking you for every penny and keeping a running tab of how much you owe her for her own upkeep is not going to file for divorce in year #9? Have you received legal guidance in terms of rights as a father of American citizens? Maybe there aren't any. I admit I lack background. You are empty nesters, that suggests the kids are 18 or very nearly so. Custody is not an issue? heck man, I love America, but is a decade of misery worth staying? Maybe it is. Some countries are in tough shape. Can you get citizenship elsewhere more easily? A reasonably good country with cheap flights back to visit? Getting control of your financial and personal life may be worth the ticket prices. Your wife's behavior reminds me of human traffickers. You read it right almost, neither of us are citizens so green card/perm residency situation for us and kid. Custody is not an issue. Yeah over 18, We are waiting it out for the kids to have a future in this country. The kids know and they are moving on either their lives. Back home it’s more effed up, corruption everywhere , 2nd largest to becoming the largest population in the world. There is no existence there. Okay, and kids are DREAMers? Or born here? Not quite getting where she has leverage on you that you're handing over your entire paycheck. Wouldn't divorce send her and the kids home too? Why would only you be in trouble? Sorry about your homeland, BTW. Glad you're safe right now. |
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Post by atlindsexlessguy on Aug 20, 2024 10:54:55 GMT -5
You read it right almost, neither of us are citizens so green card/perm residency situation for us and kid. Custody is not an issue. Yeah over 18, We are waiting it out for the kids to have a future in this country. The kids know and they are moving on either their lives. Back home it’s more effed up, corruption everywhere , 2nd largest to becoming the largest population in the world. There is no existence there. Okay, and kids are DREAMers? Or born here? Not quite getting where she has leverage on you that you're handing over your entire paycheck. Wouldn't divorce send her and the kids home too? Why would only you be in trouble? Sorry about your homeland, BTW. Glad you're safe right now. Kids are born in home country. They are official dependents on my work visa and so is my spouse . We are all waiting on permanent residence (green card) . It’s not a “leverage” per say. We have decided to part amicably once we get our permanent resident status. I’m not “handing” her the paycheck it’s getting used up to pay bills and she is also contributing when there is a deficit but not without loaning it as payback for my marriage betrayal which she blames me completely for. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Aug 21, 2024 9:48:51 GMT -5
Okay, and kids are DREAMers? Or born here? Not quite getting where she has leverage on you that you're handing over your entire paycheck. Wouldn't divorce send her and the kids home too? Why would only you be in trouble? Sorry about your homeland, BTW. Glad you're safe right now. Kids are born in home country. They are official dependents on my work visa and so is my spouse . We are all waiting on permanent residence (green card) . It’s not a “leverage” per say. We have decided to part amicably once we get our permanent resident status. I’m not “handing” her the paycheck it’s getting used up to pay bills and she is also contributing when there is a deficit but not without loaning it as payback for my marriage betrayal which she blames me completely for. Then you are handing her your paycheque. You are living effectively as a separated couple. Like all separated couples, you have agreed explicitly that there is no shared romantic future between you and no obligation or expectation to facilitate that future. Money is coming between you right now, and it sounds like that she's thinking about that as some reasonable offset for what she sees as a marital betrayal. She seems to be viewing herself as the arbiter of what's a reasonable amount, and you don't necessarily agree to this. Moreover, it's not so much that it's an "amount per month" but rather a disagreement of who controls what you are allowed to spend your money on, and how much you are permitted to have. If you want this to be a non-amicable divorce, continue down this path. It might be of benefit to talk to a lawyer to understand the implications for your immigration concerns, if you were to divorce and if you were to agree to a mediation around the way you divide finances. The way I'm thinking, it's likely you could both agree to a mediation around financing and decisions around childcare in such a way that it becomes active now and becomes the model for your formal filing of separation in the future. Then you both at least know what you are dealing with. I'd also throw in a clause somewhere that you both agree to, indicating that when you pick a formal separation date in the future, it can be backdated to a period that reflects when you started this way of living. Note that continued attempts at intimate relations (sleeping together, sex together) may muddy those waters. Also note that the longer you go "married", likely the more money you will make (and owe), and sometimes a marital term threshold can be reached that creates a lifelong obligation of payment, depending on the jurisdiction. |
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