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Post by isthisit on Feb 27, 2024 12:18:10 GMT -5
I have to wonder if the author's AP thinks this is a good setup. A life partner and lover complete his world. Multiple times here on ILIASM, refused wives want their live in partner to be their lover, hard stop. jerri , at last check, was making this type of marriage work though. Maybe if more couples end up in negotiated infidelity situations, more will come to want it? If my now X would have been accepting of a FWB for me I might well still be married to her. She was a good housemate. Great at keeping the place clean, helping with maintenance when I needed it. Very good at planning and organizing vacations or other travel. But as a lover,...not so much. I still do not understand why she would rather be divorced and live alone than just looking in the other direction so I could still enjoy intimacy with a woman. Cost her nothing. Makes no sense to me. I can see your point of view, but I wonder if your W wouldn’t allow the outsourcing thing because she feared that a FWB may well prove a more enticing overall package for you. Allowing it risked her losing you to another woman which might be harder for her than losing you with some dignity of choice. Just a thought. |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Feb 27, 2024 12:32:40 GMT -5
If my now X would have been accepting of a FWB for me I might well still be married to her. She was a good housemate. Great at keeping the place clean, helping with maintenance when I needed it. Very good at planning and organizing vacations or other travel. But as a lover,...not so much. I still do not understand why she would rather be divorced and live alone than just looking in the other direction so I could still enjoy intimacy with a woman. Cost her nothing. Makes no sense to me. I can see your point of view, but I wonder if your W wouldn’t allow the outsourcing thing because she feared that a FWB may well prove a more enticing overall package for you. Allowing it risked her losing you to another woman which might be harder for her than losing you with some dignity of choice. Just a thought. That's exactly why my wife is opposed to it. I had made it clear that sex and intimacy are closely linked. And she's not wrong if I had a willing sexual partner that wanted to be with me, of course I would rather be with them then someone that won't make any effort at all. |
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Post by isthisit on Feb 27, 2024 12:38:12 GMT -5
I can see your point of view, but I wonder if your W wouldn’t allow the outsourcing thing because she feared that a FWB may well prove a more enticing overall package for you. Allowing it risked her losing you to another woman which might be harder for her than losing you with some dignity of choice. Just a thought. That's exactly why my wife is opposed to it. I had made it clear that sex and intimacy are closely linked. And she's not wrong if I had a willing sexual partner that wanted to be with me, of course I would rather be with them than someone that won't make any effort at all. Of course she doesn’t want to lose it. “It“ being a cushy little package of a nice lifestyle she couldn’t afford in her own, the semblance of normality for social acceptance, companionship for the stuff she values while avoiding shit she would rather not bother with. If you want I can give your wife my x-H’s number? Sounds like they would get along really nicely. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 27, 2024 13:52:36 GMT -5
I can see your point of view, but I wonder if your W wouldn’t allow the outsourcing thing because she feared that a FWB may well prove a more enticing overall package for you. Allowing it risked her losing you to another woman which might be harder for her than losing you with some dignity of choice. Just a thought. When I discussed this with my X I tried to assure her that I would not be leaving her for another woman. I still loved her and assured her that I didn't think those feelings would change. I just wanted a woman that mirrored my desire for intimacy. A married woman would be my 1st preference. If we were both married there would be little danger of both of us falling for the other and both of us being willing to leave our spouses. Now there is no guarantee of that outcome, but I felt I could handle my emotions such that it was highly unlikely. My X also saw and still sees herself as an 'Alpha" woman. So in retrospec I think it is more a matter of pride. She could not tolerate another woman perhaps being fuc*ed all around her home. Just the thought of that possibility would be enough for her to put the kibosh on my proposal. |
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