m76
Full Member
Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Jan 1, 2024 10:06:10 GMT -5
I'll keep this short. I volunteer at a youth organization. There's another adult that that I spend a lot of time talking with. The group often goes out for drinks after the youth part of the evening is done. At these social gathering we often sit close to each other and spend a lot of time talking about similar interests. I've watched shows and read books that she's recommended and she's done the same with my recommendations. I think she genuinely enjoys my company and I really enjoy hers. The conversations have extended beyond just those social evenings with the group where we often chat online.
The big catch here.... I'm 47, she's 25. Asking her out on a date sounds like a disaster waiting to happen but at the same time I'm thinking like my old coach "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take".
Happy new year everyone, take care of yourselves.
Edit: I know I should take action to exit my current relationship but I've wondering if this has the potential to become a FWB situation, as long as my friend is aware of my current situation.
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Jan 1, 2024 10:25:58 GMT -5
I'll keep this short. I volunteer at a youth organization. There's another adult that that I spend a lot of time talking with. The group often goes out for drinks after the youth part of the evening is done. At these social gathering we often sit close to each other and spend a lot of time talking about similar interests. I've watched shows and read books that she's recommended and she's done the same with my recommendations. I think she genuinely enjoys my company and I really enjoy hers. The conversations have extended beyond just those social evenings with the group where we often chat online. The big catch here.... I'm 47, she's 25. Asking her out on a date sounds like a disaster waiting to happen but at the same time I'm thinking like my old coach "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take". Happy new year everyone, take care of yourselves. Edit: I know I should take action to exit my current relationship but I've wondering if this has the potential to become a FWB situation, as long as my friend is aware of my current situation. Is she married? If not that is a real concoction for your marriage imploding. Baza knows best when it comes to these things. But if it’s worth it than by all means indulge yourself. Let us know how it works out. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 1, 2024 14:59:04 GMT -5
That's not a bad question! Especially now, when your mind is full of tons of new information about ,what seemed to be a stable, meaningful, permanent part of your life ,that has been turned upside down....so yeah, I get it!
Personally been there, continue to deal with it, and (sadly) have experience...hopefully wisdom from it as well!!
It has the potential of a FWB.
It has the potential of giving you a tremendous moral boast.
It has the potential of a short,temporary fix.
It has the potential of someone who can be a good friend without benefits too! ( or the benefit of setting you up with someone closer to your age after the divorce.)
Could you 'take a rain check' and be fulfilled with the idea that a younger, attractive woman is interested in you as more than a friend! ( that in itself is worth a lot, and may see you through?)
Now the bad side:
It has the strong potential of your soon to be ex W using it against you... for the rest of your life ..with everyone she/you have ever known, currently know and will know in the future. Most of all the children!!
Is it something she can use against you in court,? Not technically, but will she use it against you with the family and friends? Absolutely!!
Do you think it's a good example for your kids? Even if they fully understand your past, current and future situation?
Do you need the added extra stress of having to hide it, and lie about it? (Living in the SM is stress enough)
It has the potential of word getting out in your volunteer youth organization, and you will be banned. Word can get back to your employer,etc...
Personally.... I waited months after the divorce was final, so my now ex would not have that weapon in her arsenal against me. It was mostly a matter of time, not worth the long term repercussions.
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Post by toughtiger on Jan 1, 2024 15:33:35 GMT -5
I'll keep this short. I volunteer at a youth organization. There's another adult that that I spend a lot of time talking with. The group often goes out for drinks after the youth part of the evening is done. At these social gathering we often sit close to each other and spend a lot of time talking about similar interests. I've watched shows and read books that she's recommended and she's done the same with my recommendations. I think she genuinely enjoys my company and I really enjoy hers. The conversations have extended beyond just those social evenings with the group where we often chat online. The big catch here.... I'm 47, she's 25. Asking her out on a date sounds like a disaster waiting to happen but at the same time I'm thinking like my old coach "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take". Happy new year everyone, take care of yourselves. Edit: I know I should take action to exit my current relationship but I've wondering if this has the potential to become a FWB situation, as long as my friend is aware of my current situation. Maybe a good FWB situation and since she knows your situation she may be wanting a FWB thing knowing you are not in position to want a full blown relationship |
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Post by ironhamster on Jan 1, 2024 21:26:43 GMT -5
m76, huge potential, there. Consider that adding a new partner can destabilize your bad marriage. Consider the family law within your jurisdiction. If your wife/STBX decides to rake your reputation through the mud how will that affect you, professionally? How will it affect your potential FWB, professionally? That being said, age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. There are single and divorced guys your age that date in this younger category, especially if they are thinking of starting a new family, and you seem to have some common interests.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jan 2, 2024 7:00:04 GMT -5
Would I? Nope. For one thing I'm a chicken. For another, this woman is probably a huge boon to your self-esteem. She finds your company pleasant and this will do wonders for you if you start hunting for FWBs elsewhere and get rejected (the dating world is a minefield). You even chat online, so even if you moved out of the area, she could be helpful to keep your spirits high. Here at ILIASM we say a first step of getting out is building a social support network and this sounds like a superb core kernel of that. GreatCoastal has the excellent point that she might matchmake for you if she catches on you're being neglected. Hints to that effect could be mistaken for hitting on her which could jeopardize the steady, pleasant rapport. (Remember, I'm a coward, so this could be terrible advice) greatcoastal , are all your platonic dance partners helpful for self-esteem? Or perhaps, were they when the divorce was fresh and bleeding? If Greatcoastal's legal warnings hold sway with you, they may well serve as a whip to get your moving faster on the separation part so even better opportunities can be acted upon in safety. Or, if you'd like to stay married, Have all your ducks in a row and explain you'll open the marriage in ___ months if there's no progress on intimacy between the two of you. None of that hiding GreatCoastal warns of would be necessary then. Is it time to ditch your ring? Your ring is a symbol of another woman's claim on you. Mrs. m76 doesn't claim you, though. Shielding you from temptation is counterproductive, possibly to both of you, if your wife could also find someone she would, at least temporarily, be passionate with before neglecting him too. It may be some refusers do not want to agree to an open marriage, but would not mind one or get over it if they did mind (like with Jerri's husband [and bballgirl? Was I told that at some point?]) |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 2, 2024 12:55:24 GMT -5
greatcoastal , are all your platonic dance partners helpful for self-esteem? Or perhaps, were they when the divorce was fresh and bleeding? My platonic DPO's (Dance Partner Only) are a mixed blessing. 1) Most are older than me or married, so we use each other for dance practice- only. 2) There's always the few that have a possibility of leading to a date and a relationship. 3) Male disposability has been around since the concept of time, it comes out very strongly on the dance floor. One dance, make the female look good, thanks for the 'entertainment' and on to the next guy. 4) Does one or two dances help my self -esteem? I do enjoy a good dance, I like the thought of sharing the short time of pleasure with someone else, however...it's going to, one day, mean alot more to me and a potential future partner. ( the same with a a one night stand, a FWB, compared to a long term commitment - where trust, and intimacy are involved with sex) |
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Post by mirrororchid on Jan 9, 2024 20:38:38 GMT -5
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