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Post by catlover on Feb 2, 2023 13:38:09 GMT -5
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Post by sweetplumeria on Feb 3, 2023 7:32:08 GMT -5
Wow! Just wow! I had no idea. Too bad the original intent was so smashed as it seems to have resonated so well. |
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Post by h on Feb 15, 2023 6:08:52 GMT -5
That is indeed a common tactic for refusers. The refused spouse is selfish or only cares about sex. Damn perverts! Gee, maybe I am selfish and too obsessed with....it's only sex. Is there a term for what I call "the dodge?" That's when sex is refused, but the refuser can show they care about you by doing another task that's nice, but incredibly insignificant compared to marital intimacy. It's a substitute for intimacy. A suffering refused spouse can recognize the counterfeit: "Hey, I made your favorite breakfast, I care." I have this experience all the time. She spends months not touching me and I call attention to it as unloving behavior. She responds by saying that she just got me some trinket for Christmas that she had engraved with some sappy expression of love and that should prove she loves me even without physical contact. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 17, 2023 7:21:14 GMT -5
That is indeed a common tactic for refusers. The refused spouse is selfish or only cares about sex. Damn perverts! Gee, maybe I am selfish and too obsessed with....it's only sex. Is there a term for what I call "the dodge?" That's when sex is refused, but the refuser can show they care about you by doing another task that's nice, but incredibly insignificant compared to marital intimacy. It's a substitute for intimacy. A suffering refused spouse can recognize the counterfeit: "Hey, I made your favorite breakfast, I care." I have this experience all the time. She spends months not touching me and I call attention to it as unloving behavior. She responds by saying that she just got me some trinket for Christmas that she had engraved with some sappy expression of love and that should prove she loves me even without physical contact. In a takeoff on the immortal words of the late, great George "Kingfish" Stevens....Do the words Gas lighting strike a familiar note? |
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 17, 2023 7:23:26 GMT -5
Saw a new acremyn this morning,...STFUATHDLAGG....I wish this had been around during my SM...
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Post by catlover on Mar 18, 2023 10:33:22 GMT -5
Saw a new acremen this morning,...STFUATHDLAGG....I wish this had been around during my SM... STFUATTDLAGG - Know Your Meme Know Your Meme knowyourmeme.com › memes › stfuattdlagg STFUATTDLAGG is an acronym and slang term meaning "shut the fuck up and take that dick like a good girl."  |
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Post by heelots on Mar 18, 2023 13:21:43 GMT -5
Saw a new acremen this morning,...STFUATHDLAGG....I wish this had been around during my SM... STFUATTDLAGG - Know Your Meme Know Your Meme knowyourmeme.com › memes › stfuattdlagg STFUATTDLAGG is an acronym and slang term meaning "shut the fuck up and take that dick like a good girl." Oh I do like that one! |
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 20, 2023 5:09:55 GMT -5
When does a "reset" become "remission"?
Or is it like AA? You're always "recovering"?
The word "reset" has connotations of being fragile.
Remission can have "relapse", like cancer or alcoholism, but when the reset or sobriety gets lengthy, there's a point at which it conveys more information to explain there's some degree of optimism in play. Optimism that can be disappointed, yes, but describing a reset that's a week and another that is ten years old with the same word leaves out context.
It's rare enough that maybe we just say, "Eff it."
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Post by h on Mar 20, 2023 6:18:34 GMT -5
I have this experience all the time. She spends months not touching me and I call attention to it as unloving behavior. She responds by saying that she just got me some trinket for Christmas that she had engraved with some sappy expression of love and that should prove she loves me even without physical contact. In a takeoff on the immortal words of the late, great George "Kingfish" Stevens....Do the words Gas lighting strike a familiar note? Actually, I don't think it's gaslighting. Gaslighting is intentionally trying to change someone's memory of events because they know the truth is unflattering. In the case of my wife, I really think she sincerely believes that her buying me a small gift should make me feel just as loved as if she had sex with me and I think she's really confused that I don't equate the two. That's what makes it not gaslighting: the lack of intent. |
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Post by blunder8 on Mar 20, 2023 11:52:45 GMT -5
When does a "reset" become "remission"? Or is like AA? You're always "recovering"? The word "reset" has connotations of being fragile. Remission can have "relapse", like cancer or alcoholism, but when the reset or sobriety gets lengthy, there's a point at which it conveys more information to explain there's some degree of optimism in play. Optimism that can be disappointed, yes, but describing a reset that's a week and ten years old leaves out context. It's rare enough that maybe we just say, "Eff it." I'm struggling with this now. We're doing better and I'm truly happy and encouraged. But, still have this deep fear that it won't last. So am I in a perpetual state of recovering? The new normal (last 4 months) is good, but has me always nervous that it's an elaborate reset. Like I can't truly trust yet. Feeling very conflicted. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 21, 2023 6:05:14 GMT -5
When does a "reset" become "remission"? Or is like AA? You're always "recovering"? The word "reset" has connotations of being fragile. Remission can have "relapse", like cancer or alcoholism, but when the reset or sobriety gets lengthy, there's a point at which it conveys more information to explain there's some degree of optimism in play. Optimism that can be disappointed, yes, but describing a reset that's a week and ten years old leaves out context. It's rare enough that maybe we just say, "Eff it." I'm struggling with this now. We're doing better and I'm truly happy and encouraged. But, still have this deep fear that it won't last. So am I in a perpetual state of recovering? The new normal (last 4 months) is good, but has me always nervous that it's an elaborate reset. Like I can't truly trust yet. Feeling very conflicted. Been there. So has lanie . My distrust of teh reset lasted about two years. The drought was over four years. I imagine the distrust will vary by person. It really helps that Mrs. MirrorOrchid always initiates. I haven't had to ask/suggest. Having to drag her to a normal marital state would probably undermine the serenity she's provided. It's pretty much every three weeks for some reason. When it's four, I do get a minor sense of concern, but the third week is usually visited by a cold, or life event that makes romance understandably difficult to make a priority. I'm not sure turnaround wives are a thing so we have very little to compare to. If the drought is shorter, the healing may take less time. Is teh refused spouse more trusting in general? It may take less time then too. Turnaround husbands are even more rare. Just Lanie, that I can think of. jerri took a lover and her husband stuck around. Different answer. The marriage turned around, but not the husband. |
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Post by blunder8 on Mar 21, 2023 9:16:37 GMT -5
Thanks mirrororchid. I believe eventually I will get to a state of mind that isn't anxiety if more than two weeks go by without sex. It's coming at approximately two week intervals, with me always the initiator ( which I'm good with). It's just something I have to work through.
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Post by heelots on Mar 21, 2023 21:39:43 GMT -5
Thanks mirrororchid. I believe eventually I will get to a state of mind that isn't anxiety if more than two weeks go by without sex. It's coming at approximately two week intervals, with me always the initiator ( which I'm good with). It's just something I have to work through. LOL, once every two weeks was the frequency in our marriage when the wife was operating at peak performance in the beginning! 😅🤣😂 That didn't last very long though. Before long once every couple of weeks became once every other month or so when I was lucky......Then she showed me just how long she could go with nothing! Well, that was when things really got grim! ☹️ My former W, now roommate is definitely the human equivalent of a camel where sex is concerned. In fact, my roommate could teach the camel a thing or two. There has been nothing related to sex, or even affection for several years now. Things started out bad here and ended as strangers living under the same roof! Sex every couple of weeks was the best I ever had in my marriage and that only happened because I was pushing her in the beginning! |
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Post by blunder8 on Mar 22, 2023 11:48:49 GMT -5
Thanks mirrororchid. I believe eventually I will get to a state of mind that isn't anxiety if more than two weeks go by without sex. It's coming at approximately two week intervals, with me always the initiator ( which I'm good with). It's just something I have to work through. LOL, once every two weeks was the frequency in our marriage when the wife was operating at peak performance in the beginning! 😅🤣😂 That didn't last very long though. Before long once every couple of weeks became once every other month or so when I was lucky......Then she showed me just how long she could go with nothing! Well, that was when things really got grim! ☹️ My former W, now roommate is definitely the human equivalent of a camel where sex is concerned. In fact, my roommate could teach the camel a thing or two. There has been nothing related to sex, or even affection for several years now. Things started out bad here and ended as strangers living under the same roof! Sex every couple of weeks was the best I ever had in my marriage and that only happened because I was pushing her in the beginning! Thanks. I hear ya. The frequency truly is relative to the relationship/situation and varies greatly. Previously four months droughts were common, and unbearable. Then interrupted by duty sex. I can't imagine living in your circumstances. At least you've made the logical move to roommate to avoid the awful anxiety of futile hope. |
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Post by heelots on Mar 22, 2023 13:12:12 GMT -5
LOL, once every two weeks was the frequency in our marriage when the wife was operating at peak performance in the beginning! 😅🤣😂 That didn't last very long though. Before long once every couple of weeks became once every other month or so when I was lucky......Then she showed me just how long she could go with nothing! Well, that was when things really got grim! ☹️ My former W, now roommate is definitely the human equivalent of a camel where sex is concerned. In fact, my roommate could teach the camel a thing or two. There has been nothing related to sex, or even affection for several years now. Things started out bad here and ended as strangers living under the same roof! Sex every couple of weeks was the best I ever had in my marriage and that only happened because I was pushing her in the beginning! Thanks. I hear ya. The frequency truly is relative to the relationship/situation and varies greatly. Previously four months droughts were common, and unbearable. Then interrupted by duty sex. I can't imagine living in your circumstances. At least you've made the logical move to roommate to avoid the awful anxiety of futile hope. Hell, I didn't even have a chance to screw up, our problems started on the honeymoon! I mean literally from the first couple of days it was clear there were problems! A smarter man would have had the marriage annulled after returning from the honeymoon. It is a bit embarrassing to admit how incredibly ignorant I was. I should have trusted my gut instinct. |
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