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Post by northstarmom on Mar 7, 2023 11:21:38 GMT -5
Apocrypha:"
Aw thanks. I've been noodling for years about writing this all into some kind of Fringe Fest 40 min play."
You've just given me an idea for the sketch comedy troupe my partner and I are starting. Please keep those great ideas coming!
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Mar 8, 2023 7:04:40 GMT -5
I want to be part of this thread where y'all kick around creative ideas inspired by musings on a message forum frequented by people who "survived" years of the mindfuck that sexless marriages can be. Apocrypha:" Aw thanks. I've been noodling for years about writing this all into some kind of Fringe Fest 40 min play." You've just given me an idea for the sketch comedy troupe my partner and I are starting. Please keep those great ideas coming! |
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Post by jim44444 on Mar 8, 2023 12:40:17 GMT -5
Interesting thread.
However I am confused.
I sense that there is a prejudice against potential partners who have a FWB. It would seem , from my interpretation of the comments, that someone with an FWB could not have a (or be acceptable for a) relationship with another.
Why is it that I can have a nonsexual emotional relationship with my best friend of 50+ years and that would be OK? Is it because we are both of the same gender and heterosexual? That seems to be frivolous logic at best.
How then to interpret my emotional nonsexual relationship with birdie39? It that OK also or is it a red flag because there could be sex under some proper alignment of the stars?
The best part of ILIASM is when it causes me to stop and think about the possibilities of life.
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 8, 2023 12:50:34 GMT -5
jim4444:"However I am confused.
I sense that there is a prejudice against potential partners who have a FWB. It would seem , from my interpretation of the comments, that someone with an FWB could not have a (or be acceptable for a) relationship with another."
I would not have been interested in such a person because when I started dating as I left my SM, I was looking for a monogamous FWB relationship, not a FWB relationship with a person who was having sex with others. Monogamy was important to me because it would reduce the risk of STDs.
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Post by ironhamster on Mar 10, 2023 5:35:25 GMT -5
Most nonmonogamous people I know are insistent on barrier protection. I think that is an important thing, and it would be a red flag if someone wasn't. I've heard the sort of "I'm clean. I know where I've been" argument from people that per rumor are wreckless about their sexual health.
That being said, there are people in monogamous relationships that choose not to be monogamous in large enough numbers that the statistics on STDs don't vary that much between the two groups.
With a bit of lube on the inside, condoms are less desensitizing and less uncomfortable, but I don't know anybody that prefers them to raw-dogging with a dedicated partner.
The most important thing, in my opinion, is to be true to yourself about what you want. If sharing a partner or having more than one partner isn't your thing, don't compromise on that. We only have so much time here on earth, and I hope we can all find our happiness.
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Post by Apocrypha on Mar 14, 2023 10:01:12 GMT -5
Interesting thread. However I am confused. I sense that there is a prejudice against potential partners who have a FWB. It would seem , from my interpretation of the comments, that someone with an FWB could not have a (or be acceptable for a) relationship with another. Why is it that I can have a nonsexual emotional relationship with my best friend of 50+ years and that would be OK? Is it because we are both of the same gender and heterosexual? That seems to be frivolous logic at best. How then to interpret my emotional nonsexual relationship with birdie39? It that OK also or is it a red flag because there could be sex under some proper alignment of the stars? The best part of ILIASM is when it causes me to stop and think about the possibilities of life. I'm confused. A FWB is not a nonsexual relationship. I have no issue at all with someone who has a FWB. I have, myself, had what I might call that - or a casual relationship that was mainly sexually focused and somewhat low investment - meaning we had no assumed date, saw each other somewhat infrequently and had few expectations or a sense of obligation other than to each other's health and basic care. We ignored some political differences and others that made us unlikely to be a match in the long term. There are different onramps into a more fulsome relationship - sometimes sexual, sometimes conversation, or shared interest or just shared activities or experience. Some just stay put in one place for a while. FWB is a sexual relationship. The issue isn't FWB - it's seeking and dating someone else for an invested, fulsome relationship (and "taking it slow" with that, while also maintaining the FWB). That's not just an FWB - it's now an open relationship, which comes with its own package off rules and customs and likely outcomes. An open relationship and and FWB relationship is still a relationship. Proceeding from there without cognizant knowledge and mindful practices, and enthusiasm for the effort involved - is foolish for me. I know how hard it is to maintain an open relationship - it involves radical honesty and cooperation and I'd only do it with someone if I felt the tradeoff was worth it. I like to bring it back to real conversations - like the one I posted upthread. Let's say I'm a single guy who is looking to avoid getting myself into a situation with a woman who isn't sexually open with me. I meet this person, and she tells me she's taking it slow - but she isn't actually. She's in a sexual relationship with someone else - she's just "taking it slow with me". This is similar to the marriage I left.Maybe after our "take it slow" night where I'm buying drinks or dinner, she is going to run out with this guy (who can never be her boyfriend). I had one woman explain her guy - 20 years younger, like it was a big boast, but still not grasp how that appears to me. It signals "I'm not in any hurry with you, Apocrypha, because my sexual needs are fulfilled with a guy I have nothing in common with. I'm hear for companionship, drinks, food, discussion, but feel zero appetite for more." It means she's angling for me to be her gay best friend but has no awareness of it. The odds are stacked against me and certainly against her. I can shake the dice again and see if I can find someone who doesn't have someone in her life, or at least who I'm on equal footing with. |
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