|
|
Post by shamwow on Sept 2, 2022 16:50:43 GMT -5
I simply used my browser in incognito mode back when I was married.
For some weird reason even after I got divorced I continued to go this route. At some point I just started using this forum like any other application.
In my case I didn't cheat so there wasn't really anything "bad" I needed to keep under wraps. And now one of my two kids knows everything about the sexless nature of the marriage and I plan on telling the other when the time is right.
If someone were to stumble upon ol' Shammy and put two and two together what would they find? Some of the Sexually Speaking posts could be embarrassing I guess but in the end, so what?
|
|
|
|
Post by petrushka on Oct 16, 2022 21:13:00 GMT -5
My wife knows I am on here. Heh, she even came out 'maybe I should join too. I told her that I didn't think she'd find a lot of support and sympathy
as the asexual in the marriage - she hasn't brought it up again.
Back in the day all my close friends knew. Sadly, they trickled away, and then we moved to town ourselves - but, I am not ashamed. If one of the neighbours finds out, then so be it.
Happy to be me, and to stand up for myself. Anyone tries to give me shit over it, will get told to go soak their head.
|
|
|
|
Post by mirrororchid on Oct 19, 2022 6:23:44 GMT -5
My wife knows I am on here. Heh, she even came out 'maybe I should join too. I told her that I didn't think she'd find a lot of support and sympathy
as the asexual in the marriage - she hasn't brought it up again... If I recall properly, the reception of refusers has been generally civil. iliasm.org/thread/5857/refuser-story-indexAfter all, we want to get their side of things to see if there is useful information to determine if there are approaches to breaking the impasse or they can offer signs about when to give up, one way or another, be it divorce or learning to accept it. I started a thread for refuser stories, iliasm.org/thread/6188/refuser-stories if the previous refuser visits don't seem intimidating. Maybe she'd like to read them, decide if we can be trusted, and write in that thread specifically for such accounts? |
|
|
|
Post by steve1968 on Oct 20, 2022 10:21:38 GMT -5
I dual boot my Windows PC into a Linux distribution when I want to ensure privacy. That and using a dummy email account that used for nothing else.
|
|
|
|
Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 20, 2022 12:37:54 GMT -5
shamwow. Missed this when originally posted. I think about this as I plan to eventually exit. Ive always wondered how much I share with the adult kids. And now one of my two kids knows everything about the sexless nature of the marriage and I plan on telling the other when the time is
|
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Oct 21, 2022 16:33:09 GMT -5
shamwow. Missed this when originally posted. I think about this as I plan to eventually exit. Ive always wondered how much I share with the adult kids. And now one of my two kids knows everything about the sexless nature of the marriage and I plan on telling the other when the time is Well, my oldest daughter and I became somewhat estranged as she got older. I don't think this necessarily had anything to do with the divorce since it involves behavioral issues on her part (primarily obsessive lying). However, in an effort to keep things amicable, we didn't give the kids a lot of information on the divorce in a play-by-play manner. I had a suspicion that my ex used this ambiguity to insinuate that I had been unfaithful (which I had not). As an effort to explicitly clear the air, I gave my daughter the reasons as to why the marriage ended as well as a timeline. I explained when I told her mom I was getting a divorce I was still months from meeting ballofconfusion. None of this really helped with my daughter. We speak, but it is mainly when she needs something. It isn't what I want in a relationship but at least she is working from full knowledge. During the conversation with her, I did have a few things I definitely planned on telling her (ie SM / loveless marriage bring the key reason why the marriage ended). I then had other things that I asked if she wanted to know other things (ie mom lied about getting an std while married to me, the fact her mom said she was sexually abused and that I didn't believe this story - and why). At various stages I asked if she wanted to know more. At age 21 I figured she was old enough to make that decision. I've been slower to talk with my son. I didn't have anything to clarify with him. He is 18 and is a freshman in college. My talks with him have centered more about how as a college age guy now you can get tossed out of school via kangaroo court based upon false accusations. I've known people this has happened to so it's not a hypothetical. Maybe at some point I'll give him more details on what happened between his mom and I but I don't perceive an appetite or hunger for that info. I do think I will have talks with him as he gets older and gets serious with a young woman. But we aren't there yet. Hope this helps! |
|
|
|
Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 24, 2022 12:02:31 GMT -5
shamwow. You have had quite the journey. And I marvel and I am very grateful for your generosity in sharing these experiences and what you have learned. I am not divorced. The way its headed though, I may be divorced down the road. It will be on the amicable spectrum although we wont be BFFs or platonic soulmates or any of that jazz. I do expect that at least some of my 4 kids may ask for reasons and I fluctuate between telling them simply that we drifted apart or being more detailed. My takeaway from what you say is that it depends on the situation and their appetite for information. I have two sons, and I "try" to impart masculine wisdom as it applies to relationships and other areas of life as well. I use my experience and things I wish I would have known when I was their age as guiding principles for these discussions. shamwow. Missed this when originally posted. I think about this as I plan to eventually exit. Ive always wondered how much I share with the adult kids. Well, my oldest daughter and I became somewhat estranged as she got older. I don't think this necessarily had anything to do with the divorce since it involves behavioral issues on her part (primarily obsessive lying). However, in an effort to keep things amicable, we didn't give the kids a lot of information on the divorce in a play-by-play manner. I had a suspicion that my ex used this ambiguity to insinuate that I had been unfaithful (which I had not). As an effort to explicitly clear the air, I gave my daughter the reasons as to why the marriage ended as well as a timeline. I explained when I told her mom I was getting a divorce I was still months from meeting ballofconfusion. None of this really helped with my daughter. We speak, but it is mainly when she needs something. It isn't what I want in a relationship but at least she is working from full knowledge. During the conversation with her, I did have a few things I definitely planned on telling her (ie SM / loveless marriage bring the key reason why the marriage ended). I then had other things that I asked if she wanted to know other things (ie mom lied about getting an std while married to me, the fact her mom said she was sexually abused and that I didn't believe this story - and why). At various stages I asked if she wanted to know more. At age 21 I figured she was old enough to make that decision. I've been slower to talk with my son. I didn't have anything to clarify with him. He is 18 and is a freshman in college. My talks with him have centered more about how as a college age guy now you can get tossed out of school via kangaroo court based upon false accusations. I've known people this has happened to so it's not a hypothetical. Maybe at some point I'll give him more details on what happened between his mom and I but I don't perceive an appetite or hunger for that info. I do think I will have talks with him as he gets older and gets serious with a young woman. But we aren't there yet. Hope this helps!
|
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Oct 26, 2022 0:12:10 GMT -5
shamwow. You have had quite the journey. And I marvel and I am very grateful for your generosity in sharing these experiences and what you have learned. I am not divorced. The way its headed though, I may be divorced down the road. It will be on the amicable spectrum although we wont be BFFs or platonic soulmates or any of that jazz. I do expect that at least some of my 4 kids may ask for reasons and I fluctuate between telling them simply that we drifted apart or being more detailed. My takeaway from what you say is that it depends on the situation and their appetite for information. I have two sons, and I "try" to impart masculine wisdom as it applies to relationships and other areas of life as well. I use my experience and things I wish I would have known when I was their age as guiding principles for these discussions. Well, my oldest daughter and I became somewhat estranged as she got older. I don't think this necessarily had anything to do with the divorce since it involves behavioral issues on her part (primarily obsessive lying). However, in an effort to keep things amicable, we didn't give the kids a lot of information on the divorce in a play-by-play manner. I had a suspicion that my ex used this ambiguity to insinuate that I had been unfaithful (which I had not). As an effort to explicitly clear the air, I gave my daughter the reasons as to why the marriage ended as well as a timeline. I explained when I told her mom I was getting a divorce I was still months from meeting ballofconfusion. None of this really helped with my daughter. We speak, but it is mainly when she needs something. It isn't what I want in a relationship but at least she is working from full knowledge. During the conversation with her, I did have a few things I definitely planned on telling her (ie SM / loveless marriage bring the key reason why the marriage ended). I then had other things that I asked if she wanted to know other things (ie mom lied about getting an std while married to me, the fact her mom said she was sexually abused and that I didn't believe this story - and why). At various stages I asked if she wanted to know more. At age 21 I figured she was old enough to make that decision. I've been slower to talk with my son. I didn't have anything to clarify with him. He is 18 and is a freshman in college. My talks with him have centered more about how as a college age guy now you can get tossed out of school via kangaroo court based upon false accusations. I've known people this has happened to so it's not a hypothetical. Maybe at some point I'll give him more details on what happened between his mom and I but I don't perceive an appetite or hunger for that info. I do think I will have talks with him as he gets older and gets serious with a young woman. But we aren't there yet. Hope this helps! Exactly. It depends on the situation and their appetite for information. The only thing I'd add though is that you should make it clear when you speak with each young man / young woman that what is shared is not to leave the room. You may have care about situation / appetite. They are still young and may not in regards to their siblings. Good luck if you ever need to have the conversation. |
|
muzack
Junior Member
Posts: 79 
|
Post by muzack on Nov 3, 2022 17:32:17 GMT -5
I've talked about this site with my wife a couple times. I bill it as a support group for people in similar situations. She is supportive of me and isn't likely to get upset by others posts, only if I were to post something untrue or intentionally hurtful.
|
|
|
|
Post by sanfranciscojames on Nov 27, 2022 22:46:37 GMT -5
Has anyone ever heard of a spouse finding this site and recognizing their life? I’m not tech savvy - I worry about being discovered by someone too close to home. My spouse works in technology. What precautions do some of you take to keep this group private? Yes, but not at this site, I responded to essays on Medium.com and my wife’s older son sleuthed them out, she wasn’t happy that details of her son’s conception (both were conceived via in-vitro using a sperm donor that wasn’t me, the younger one using an egg donor as well, originally I believed her when she said it was because she didn’t like how some in my family turned out, in retrospect I think it was so she could avoid my touch) were told and she asked me to delete them. As I don’t want to the boys to feel embarrassed I did delete those responses (though to vent a later left some others with less details), and while I wouldn’t want the boys to see them, I have little problem with my wife seeing much that I write as I just don’t feel that much compassion for her anymore, if she feels shame she should be ashamed, I’m still angry that she didn’t acknowledge the long letter I sent her in the week before Valentine’s Day 2021 until almost two months later when I demanded “marriage counseling of divorce”. |
|
|
|
Post by h on Apr 24, 2023 11:49:59 GMT -5
Has anyone ever heard of a spouse finding this site and recognizing their life? I’m not tech savvy - I worry about being discovered by someone too close to home. My spouse works in technology. What precautions do some of you take to keep this group private? Yes, but not at this site, I responded to essays on Medium.com and my wife’s older son sleuthed them out, she wasn’t happy that details of her son’s conception (both were conceived via in-vitro using a sperm donor that wasn’t me, the younger one using an egg donor as well, originally I believed her when she said it was because she didn’t like how some in my family turned out, in retrospect I think it was so she could avoid my touch) were told and she asked me to delete them. As I don’t want to the boys to feel embarrassed I did delete those responses (though to vent a later left some others with less details), and while I wouldn’t want the boys to see them, I have little problem with my wife seeing much that I write as I just don’t feel that much compassion for her anymore, if she feels shame she should be ashamed, I’m still angry that she didn’t acknowledge the long letter I sent her in the week before Valentine’s Day 2021 until almost two months later when I demanded “marriage counseling of divorce”. I have been writing on Medium for several months now and I don't sugar coat anything. I don't know anyone personally that uses Medium but just in case, I still go by my "H" name. |
|
