Almost 5 years of SM in a 13-year marriage. She avoids topic

I introduced myself and told my story in another thread outside “choosing to stay” and I completely regret it.
I am hopeful that in this thread, those who are TRULY choosing/trying to stay will be a little less abrasive.  I came here for support and comfort because I learned so many others are going through the same thing with me. I hope to be able to offer something as well.

I love my wife and I felt like she was an answer to my prayers when we got together 13 years ago.  I was just starting a divorce process with my first wife (no kids fortunately) and we “ran into each other” via a mutual friend’s regular joke emails .  My wife had accidentally hit “reply all” and so noticed her reply and remembered her from years ago. We were fast in love and knew we wanted kids and I moved 500 miles from my hometown for her.  I can’t imagine being happy with anyone else, and now we have 2 kids so I would never leave anyway at this point even if I wanted to.
But…it’s so hard and frustrating and sad and the whole gamut of emotions that you all know I’m sure.
 The intimacy we enjoyed the first several years was always amazing to me…and it seemed like it was for her too…most of the time. (I’m not naive, I wouldn’t put it past any loving wife to fake it sometimes to make the guy feel good about himself).  
Either way though…there was always a lot of hugging and snuggling and kissing.    In 2017 she was diagnosed with CML, went on the meds to control it, and it SEEMS - though not conclusive - that that was the end of us being together.

We had ONE encounter in the fall of 2019.  It was odd…and it was right after our favorite college football team won a game.  After that…zip again going on another 2 years.  So the general dry spell is basically 5 years long in Feb 2022.

A couple of times each year the topic comes up because I want it to address it.  She avoids talking about her feelings on the matter.  She might say  “I don’t know what to tell you” or “I don’t know what YOU want me tell you” - which, to me, is more like avoiding it…not even letting me know WHAT she feels inside…just no discussion.  I tell her exactly how I feel, how she makes me feel (the good feelings and the frustration).  I dropped hints / made jokes for the longest time (a lot of “that’s what she said”) because I have nothing else but humor sometimes.

I get the looks of “oh you’re sweet’ when I want to hug more than a few seconds but it NEVER goes beyond  5-10 seconds.  
She talks like she loves me…she volunteers that out of the blue often.  She will “goose” me sometimes which used to be cute and playful but now it just frustrates me because I can’t assign any intimate playfulness to it.

Sometimes I get the same vibe I got from my ex (who cheated on me) that there is guilt behind the lack of desire to be with me.
And then I feel like it’s a pattern of 2 failures for which I am the constant…that I am the cause.  But I also can’t imagine her doing that - she is the best person I know.

My commitment to her and the marriage is based on how she made me feel about her when we first got together - the unmatched feeling of KNOWING this person is for me, and it is also based on my conviction / religious beliefs. I wouldn’t ever leave unless she were to force it via adultery, but I have no evidence of that having taken place.

If anyone has anything to contribute or ask me…I will be an open book.  I know there is no “solution” , just therapy and the occasional reversal of the SM status.

Looking forward to some conversations here.

UPDATE - so yesterday we had a fight. I did not need to get upset with her but my frustration with this topic was pouring over into a different conversation. I basically blew it and called a news story she was following a piece of propaganda - which basically insulted her. We actually yelled at each other. I reminded her that it's not the lack of sex so much as the avoidance of the topic itself or her not trying to help me understand how she feels, etc. that I find hurtful. Today she reminded by text that she loves me and is still "IN" love with me and it just hurt and frustrated me because that makes it sound even more permanent. I know sex and love are 2 different things, but falling in love can MAKE you attracted to someone and want to be close / intimate - that's just natural. I feel like her telling me she's in love with me still makes it clear that she can do without the sex. I couldn't even reply to her and now there is silence for the rest of the day...small talk and a sad countenance.
I know I want to make her feel like I"m there for her (she works hard and always looks out for what anyone here wants / needs). Anything I say right now will only hurt her feelings.
I'm here because I just need to feel like my feelings / needs matter and maybe I'll develop the nerve to handle things better after venting.