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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 27, 2021 20:31:26 GMT -5
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 30, 2021 15:47:33 GMT -5
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Post by mirrororchid on Nov 1, 2021 6:15:52 GMT -5
"10. Remind yourself that the holidays won’t last forever." Dang. That is so not supposed to be what goes through a person's head. The clichés chafe. If you're having a rough time like this, GreatCoastal, we'll be wishing you unexpected joy and reasons for thankfulness with strengthened bonds you want and some you didn't realize you had. |
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 14, 2021 4:34:10 GMT -5
I have some family estrangement going on, but I'm not in that bad a shape over it. My oldest suffers from narcissism along with hypochondria, both traits of her mother. She's refused contact with me since I gave her full access to her UGMA, at which point I suddenly became the bad guy in her life. I suppose this is the downside of giving one's child financial independence. I occasionally listen to her podcast to see what is new in her life. Beware, though. It only reveals what a shitshow her life is. There IS nothing wrong with her except that she makes up problems in order to feel special. open.spotify.com/show/7u1nPB1jjiV3lNqL7s63v3My youngest also refuses contact, but is less public. My July hearing which extended child support past the age of nineteen was in part based on claims she isn't mentally stable, but without any proof or detail. I have been trying to get the courts to determine if she is competent or will need a conservatorship regarding her imminent UGMA. My sisters and I have never been particularly close, but my wife whom I supported and protected became a wedge issue and those wounds seem to linger. So, I have my mother remaining as biological family, and while I wish her a long, happy, healthy life, I know her time is limited. So, as the holidays approach, I am thankful for the friends I have. As for family, meh. It is what it is. Reagan had a daughter that was estranged from him. When he was diagnosed with Alzheimers, he wrote her a touching letter, begging her to come back and reunite with him while he could still function. She never did. She sold the letter for five hundred dollars to buy drugs. At least, in my case, I am not famous, and the letters I write won't be sold. The best advice I can give is, don't let things you can't change bother you. |
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Post by isthisit on Nov 14, 2021 16:43:57 GMT -5
I have some family estrangement going on, but I'm not in that bad a shape over it. My oldest suffers from narcissism along with hypochondria, both traits of her mother. She's refused contact with me since I gave her full access to her UGMA, at which point I suddenly became the bad guy in her life. I suppose this is the downside of giving one's child financial independence. I occasionally listen to her podcast to see what is new in her life. Beware, though. It only reveals what a shitshow her life is. There IS nothing wrong with her except that she makes up problems in order to feel special. open.spotify.com/show/7u1nPB1jjiV3lNqL7s63v3My youngest also refuses contact, but is less public. My July hearing which extended child support past the age of nineteen was in part based on claims she isn't mentally stable, but without any proof or detail. I have been trying to get the courts to determine if she is competent or will need a conservatorship regarding her imminent UGMA. My sisters and I have never been particularly close, but my wife whom I supported and protected became a wedge issue and those wounds seem to linger. So, I have my mother remaining as biological family, and while I wish her a long, happy, healthy life, I know her time is limited. So, as the holidays approach, I am thankful for the friends I have. As for family, meh. It is what it is. Reagan had a daughter that was estranged from him. When he was diagnosed with Alzheimers, he wrote her a touching letter, begging her to come back and reunite with him while he could still function. She never did. She sold the letter for five hundred dollars to buy drugs. At least, in my case, I am not famous, and the letters I write won't be sold. The best advice I can give is, don't let things you can't change bother you. Don’t let things you can’t change bother you isn’t bad advice for a tonne of other stuff too. Wisdom here. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Dec 22, 2021 5:27:16 GMT -5
I won't call it estrngement, more on the level of carelessness or taking something for granted.
Since graduating from college in '71 I have worked and traveled extensively across the US. This ment I was seldom in the state where most of my extended family lives. Now that I am retired and my own kids have families I have begun to reach out to my remaining living cousins and to my delight they were enthusiastic about re-establishing the connection we had as children and our grandparents kept and watched us.
I have been interested in my family ancestry for decades, but never really persued it. To my surprise I found 3 female couisins that share that interest, two of whom have traced our geneology back to our 1st immigrant ancestor who came to America in 1752. Their efforts have produced an extensive family tree and they have offered to share it with me. One of them is a long lost 3rd /4th (?) cousin who also is into geneology and has put together over 10,000 relatives into a family tree. I look forwards to speaking more with them and seeing just what they have about our ancestors.
EDIT: The origional ancestor was a Lutheran Minister who attended the University of Guttenburg before coming to America. He fathered a # of sons. Judging by the shear # of relatives (if correct) our family has taken the command "Be fruitful and multiply" to heart.
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Post by Handy on Dec 22, 2021 13:07:38 GMT -5
Worksforme2
I have been interested in my family ancestry for decades.
What I found is I WASN'T interested in family history until most of the older folks died and I had questions only they could answer.
Ten years ago I looked up relatives based on what my mother talked about. I traced my maternal grandfather back to him marrying his first wife, who died early, then to his second wife and all of his/her 13 children. I knew some of my maternal grandfather's brother's names. I tried to look up that family but didn't find anything because people moved from the area I was familiar with.
People began to move across country and are more difficult to find on old US census forms.
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Post by worksforme2 on Dec 22, 2021 15:54:02 GMT -5
Worksforme2
I have been interested in my family ancestry for decades. What I found is I WASN'T interested in family history until most of the older folks died and I had questions only they could answer. Actually there may be other sources. Based on my cousins efforts I would recommend you submit a saliva sample to Ancestry .com. You will get back a genetic profile and based on the information you give them they may come up with some relatives you might not be aware of. $65 for the DNA test and 1 month of membership, but who knows what you might find... |
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 23, 2021 19:47:05 GMT -5
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 25, 2021 18:37:34 GMT -5
I can't help but wonder how self serving some of the psychology articles are when the author asserts that resolving a problem requires an experienced therapist. Admittedly, I have some reservations about the whole profession, given my ex was part of it, in schooling, at least. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 25, 2021 20:54:05 GMT -5
I can't help but wonder how self serving some of the psychology articles are when the author asserts that resolving a problem requires an experienced therapist. Admittedly, I have some reservations about the whole profession, given my ex was part of it, in schooling, at least. Very true. One of my favorite experienced therapist writers is Dr Tara with "A shrink 4 men". Part of her being my favorite for helpful advice is her knowledge ,and disdain, of how biased and one sided the psychology field has become. ( i can find the "facts" but I think I've posted them in the past) Women have taken over the field and men are 'counseled' to give in and labeled the bad guy, while the women continue to play the victim card. Disclaimer: Nothing against the numerous sexless women who post here. I truly believe your situation and have great respect for you. This being Christmas day/evening, I do my best to focus on the positive of my situation. Being with my woman and one of my 6 children. The holiday can easily fester ill feelings of why my adult children avoid/dislike their dad. Sadly I strongly believe that my manipulative controlling ex has done her best to install a strong parental alienation mindset into my other 5 adult children.A fixless situation. ( Don't forget there's the $$$ involved, and now, years after the divorce, the spiteful revenge...with no concern for what it does to the children for the rest of their lives) Sigh...one of those things that is just difficult to understand when I look back at the years and years of healthy , loving, fun, respectful times me and the children had together. ( here's to new beginnings with other people who will love and respect you! And you can give that back to them!) Merry Christmas! |
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 26, 2021 0:06:40 GMT -5
I could argue, "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," but, I will bet money that some of the women that ended their shithole marriages have had the same issues with their ex husbands.
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 26, 2021 11:46:19 GMT -5
I can't help but wonder how self serving some of the psychology articles are when the author asserts that resolving a problem requires an experienced therapist. Admittedly, I have some reservations about the whole profession, given my ex was part of it, in schooling, at least. Ironically my "experienced therapist" had experienced his own divorce, one where his now ex was also a physcologist (had a house with her practice in it, right next door to the house where he had his child psychology practice) and she took everything! He played dead, continued to be a " yes dear" and allowed it all to happen. However, like they say " hindsight is 20/20" he did end up giving me much "don't make the same mistakes I did advice" as I opened his eyes to how disrespectfully he was treated and how one sided he let his relationship go on for far to long. He could relate to much of what I went through. I was surprised to find out how little he knew about Narcissism,Sociopath and Borderline. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 27, 2021 20:14:05 GMT -5
I have some family estrangement going on, but I'm not in that bad a shape over it. My oldest suffers from narcissism along with hypochondria, both traits of her mother. She's refused contact with me since I gave her full access to her UGMA, at which point I suddenly became the bad guy in her life. I suppose this is the downside of giving one's child financial independence. My youngest also refuses contact, but is less public. My July hearing which extended child support past the age of nineteen was in part based on claims she isn't mentally stable, but without any proof or detail. My sisters and I have never been particularly close, but my wife whom I supported and protected became a wedge issue and those wounds seem to linger. You (and me) where a resource not a relationship. They receive admiration and respect from others by being with someone of high value.... you. They receive supply by devaluing you and eroding your sense of who you are. They receive tons of supply by leading their flying monkeys ( family) to see them as a poor soul being victimized by mean, mad, angry, you. The mask came off, you saw who they really are, and now they fear you will reveal it to the world (family). |
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Post by mirrororchid on Dec 28, 2021 6:53:41 GMT -5
I have some family estrangement going on, but I'm not in that bad a shape over it. ...I occasionally listen to her podcast to see what is new in her life. Beware, though. It only reveals what a shitshow her life is. There IS nothing wrong with her except that she makes up problems in order to feel special. open.spotify.com/show/7u1nPB1jjiV3lNqL7s63v3I tuned in to Fresh Out of Spoons and appreciate her efforts and her friends. (I assume she's the host?) Her show about "alternative" medical and mental care was gratifying. She came across with strong skepticism and warning listeners about the plethora of quacks peddling useless junk in the alternative circles. I think people at the end of their ropes could benefit from hearing that one episode so they don't squander time and money placing undue faith in any one service/vendor and going in sniffing for BS. Her sense of humor keeps the podcast upbeat even if the subject isn't, which can be useful for people in her (imagined?) condition. She could stand to be more tolerant of those who don't understand how clinical depression works. (like the flu, but no fever to prove it.) Thanks for the referral. I subscribed. It doesn't post often, so it's no time suck. She owes you one listener. |
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