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Post by jerri on Feb 23, 2021 4:04:13 GMT -5
FWB was wondering why I didn't call him.
My response: I am not the one who broke up with you. I felt rejected and I don't want someone who doesn't want me. I told him I would call next week.
There is a part of me that says don't burn bridges because when the pandemic ends he will be back in my city with new clients.
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Post by baza on Feb 23, 2021 4:26:35 GMT -5
I think that here, the general rule of ILIASM situations applies.
And that rule is to make your short term choices based on your longer term best interests.
If you see your best longer term interests as being to call him, then do it.
If you don't see your longer term best interests are in staying involved with him, then don't call him.
You (me, anyone) need to base our choices today on the basis of where you (me, anyone) want to be in 12 months time.
If you (me, anyone) make todays choices based on what is convenient / easy in the short term, you may pay a heavy price in the longer term.
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Post by jerri on Feb 23, 2021 12:34:54 GMT -5
It stung when FWB didn't even bother to text near Valentine's. It was insulting.
My first thought as no wonder she doesn't want sex. He doesn't do the little kind things. So BJ and steak and him finding me a nice Valentine's day present is out the window! There's an actual BJ and a steak day that Mistresses do in the USA! Hahaha I thought it was fun and he gets so much joy from it. But my sweet husband followed through and said l want to get you a new phone, tell me which one you want.
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Post by mirrororchid on Feb 23, 2021 20:34:14 GMT -5
It stung when FWB didn't even bother to text near Valentine's. It was insulting. My first thought as no wonder she doesn't want sex. He doesn't do the little kind things. So BJ and steak and him finding me a nice Valentine's day present is out the window! There's an actual BJ and a steak day that Mistresses do in the USA! Hahaha I thought it was fun and he gets so much joy from it. But my sweet husband followed through and said l want to get you a new phone, tell me which one you want. I voted: OTHER. You've seemed to like what he can do for you physically, but you're not kindred spirits. He doesn't appear to think of you as a romantic partner. You're in his Friend Zone-with Benefits? Perhaps you wanted him to be more than he is. You may want more than he can be. But is he someone helpful to you? He's been a safe resource for you for a lengthy period of time. If you need more, you can look for more, without leaving a good thing for a better one. You're both married, but you act as though you're contemplating divorce with your boyfriend. The disappointment, I understand. Your hand-wringing, not as much. In short, get a third boyfriend silly goose. |
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Post by jerri on Feb 24, 2021 3:11:57 GMT -5
baza , yikes, really good posts! interesting that you say that, mirrororchid . My original mentor said to never let someone control your sex life again and to set the pace of the R and flat out ask to be able to have other sex partners that showed STD paperwork. FWB said yes and entered into the R knowing he would not be the one and only. He jockeyed for position until I knew there would be no other. He was just too insecure even though I would help him find another. It was just too much for me and I decided no one else would come in unless he wanted a triad and I tried to get him one for a while to mark off a ménage à trois R or even a threesome. Didn't work out. I think I am a good candidate for a triad with some alone time. I doubt that he would be but he may have changed with all this time and possibly gained trust. Trust is hard to earn with some. One lady told him if your di@k fits in a paper towel roll, don't bother!!!! Rude!! hahaha,  One lady told my mentor to take a picture of his Co@k next to a CocaCola can! I guess that is one way to make sure they don't send pics of someone else's junk or get a better idea of the length. I don't know how guys can stand MBL websites. Probably not a good idea to shag a Republican because I can't keep my moth shut. It is just sexual fun and intimacy but flying off the handle because I ask for a mask is a little over the top. If nothing else those statements would make good affirmations. Thanks baza , @ itme . MirrorOrchid and others. There are quite a few fish in my city, I get excitement and also frustration when I look. I will chill for a bit.
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Post by Handy on Feb 24, 2021 20:13:28 GMT -5
MBL website? Marine Biology Laboratory? Metropolitan Business League? Maybe Married but Looking?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2021 22:26:55 GMT -5
A wise man once said, "may the bridges I burn light the way."
When people show you how they feel about you, believe them. Burn that bridge until there's nothing left.
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Post by jerri on Feb 24, 2021 23:41:22 GMT -5
Welcome, @rosie , in your other thread you were going to write about your situation. Many nice threads here. Enjoy. Bingo, Handy , MBL married but looking.  And I didn't mention that he went on vacation for 2 weeks. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2021 0:25:11 GMT -5
jerri my profile is 184 minutes old. It takes a bit to compose 752 pages. Plus it's late where I am.
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Post by jerri on Feb 25, 2021 5:36:11 GMT -5
The "NOs" win! That's what I will do. And if he takes it as rejection and doesn't come back to my city with new clients. Oh, well. If I can handle a sexless marrige, I can handle anything.
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Post by jerri on Mar 9, 2021 4:49:34 GMT -5
I think I will get shagged a few more times and leave with good rocking chair memories when I am 80, if I make it. He said he was retiring in a couple of years and that was several years ago. So it may be over soon anyway.
I don't know how some of you can go without sex and touch. When my dear husband reciprocates touch, I notice and it's welcome. The weird thing is he will only reach out to touch me if I touch and hug him first. Which has always been the case but it really stands out now.
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Post by Handy on Mar 9, 2021 12:45:08 GMT -5
Jerri or any woman in a SM, did your marital partner ever tell you that they didn't want to be a pest sexually like some men they heard about?
I ask because I was told time and time again, men's sexual urges and desires were a drain on a woman's tolerance towards her liking her man, so it was better for the relationship if sex didn't happen that often if the guy wanted to be considered a decent partner. I grew up being told not to be selfish and wanting sex was selfish. (Yes, now I know it was BS)
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Post by saarinista on Mar 10, 2021 0:50:27 GMT -5
Jerri or any woman in a SM, did your marital partner ever tell you that they didn't want to be a pest sexually like some men they heard about? I ask because I was told time and time again, men's sexual urges and desires were a drain on a woman's tolerance towards her liking her man, so it was better for the relationship if sex didn't happen that often if the guy wanted to be considered a decent partner. I grew up being told not to be selfish and wanting sex was selfish. (Yes, now I know it was BS) No, I never heard that. Yes, handy, it was BS you learned. Sounds like your family of origin was sex negative? |
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 10, 2021 5:54:03 GMT -5
Jerri or any woman in a SM, did your marital partner ever tell you that they didn't want to be a pest sexually like some men they heard about? I ask because I was told time and time again, men's sexual urges and desires were a drain on a woman's tolerance towards her liking her man, so it was better for the relationship if sex didn't happen that often if the guy wanted to be considered a decent partner. I grew up being told not to be selfish and wanting sex was selfish. (Yes, now I know it was BS) "Tolerance"? Wow. I don't know that the wisdom you got was BS. New relationships, it often is. Even some couples where the fiancée is pretending enthusiasm to get a husband (I'm curious whether being a divorcee is ever part of the plan, or they are delusional that a celibate marriage will stand the test of time without fail.) The desperate wife wannabe can see your desire as very welcome as it is useful for her goal of being a wife (at least for a while). ILIASM is evidence that for some wives, the line you were fed is absolutely true. But, so what? Having been deceived when the holiest promises were supposed to have been made, we're not inclined to like them very much either. If we stopped asking them for marital relations, they very well might like us more. If our ceasing our bids for affection changed nothing else about our behavior. But that's not likely to happen. Neutrality to rejection, I'd wager, is an uncommon response. A societal question perhaps we need to ask is whether monogamous marriage is an ideal that society should be emphasizing so strongly. A targeted parenting agreement strikes me as fulfilling the same need as marriage for many would-be spouses and would lack the stigma of open marriage: www.huffpost.com/entry/raising-children-as-a-couple-without-marriage_b_58ace713e4b0598627a55e40For the religiously devout, this would be unthinkable, but might well suit many (most?) parties better. I imagine negotiation of such contracts would be far more carefully considered than the romantic, swooning fairy tale that constitutes getting married. Such a contract being new, it would be entered into with pessimism and stark awareness of what can go wrong and contingencies can be made. (Life insurance policies, medical history, insanity clauses, etc.) Imagine a sexless marriage by design. The purpose of which would be raising children. Just like refusers think actual marriage is. |
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One lady told my mentor to take a picture of his Co@k next to a CocaCola can! I guess that is one way to make sure they don't send pics of someone else's junk or get a better idea of the length. I don't know how guys can stand MBL websites. Probably not a good idea to shag a Republican because I can't keep my moth shut. It is just sexual fun and intimacy but flying off the handle because I ask for a mask is a little over the top.
