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Post by baza on May 31, 2016 18:17:06 GMT -5
I'd be interested to get a snapshot of where the members are in their process as regards their ILIASM situation.
If you can be bothered, would you take a moment to participate in the poll ?
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Edited (after comments below)
Suggested Guidelines
"Staying" = leaving is not under consideration.
"Thinking of Leaving" = leaving is under consideration but no action undertaken at this point
"Actively in the process of leaving" = action underway to get out
"Left" = left.
Edited again June 7.
If you take out the "Left" component, the data says -
Staying ------------------------------------------------ 35%
Thinking of Leaving ----------------------------------- 46%
Actively in process of leaving ------------------------ 19%
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2016 20:56:43 GMT -5
It may clarify to explain what is meant by actively in the process of leaving. Does this mean a formal legal proceeding has been set in motion? Maybe an even more nuts and bolts definition, you've written your first check to a lawyer!
Or is a person actively in the process if they have begun to formulate their exit plan?
Or something else?
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Post by baza on May 31, 2016 21:55:54 GMT -5
Thanks Brother Phin.
By that "Actively in process of leaving" I mean the member is actually doing more than 'thinking about it'.
That they are proactively gathering all the information they need and putting together a do-able exit strategy.
Say for example "have seen a lawyer" (as opposed to 'thinking about seeing a lawyer')
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But I guess any respondent is going to put their own spin on what "Actively in process of leaving" means, to them.
For example, some respondents may regard "Have had 'The Talk' as being actively in the process of leaving.
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Incidently, thus far the post has had 63 "views" and only 14 "votes" so I have my doubts that any useful 'trend' or anything is going to emerge. But maybe "guests" can't vote.
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Edited to add
When I was thinking about this, I reckoned in my own mind that it would eventually probably pan out at -
50% staying
20% thinking about leaving
20% actively in the process of leaving
10% left.
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Post by bballgirl on May 31, 2016 22:00:27 GMT -5
The Talk is not actively in the process. It is usually followed by reset sex and continues the mindfuck.
Seeing the attorney and preparing is active.
Telling your spouse you want a divorce and have seen an attorney that is active.
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Post by unmatched on May 31, 2016 22:14:01 GMT -5
We are in counselling which (by mutual agreement) is either going to end up with a much better relationship or divorce. Which box would you like me to tick?
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Post by baza on May 31, 2016 22:29:42 GMT -5
I'd go "thinking about leaving" personally Brother U, but don't substitute my opinion (or anyone elses) for yours.
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Post by JMX on Jun 1, 2016 6:37:11 GMT -5
Actively in process of leaving  |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2016 11:21:58 GMT -5
Do I recall correctly discussion of a trend in the later days of EP where fewer people arrived at EP asking for advice on how to fix it? Wasn't the trend more towards "help me get out of here"?
This seems to be reflected at least so far in this poll.
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Post by baza on Jun 1, 2016 20:46:44 GMT -5
I think you might be referring to a post on a slightly different matter Brother Phin.
I wrote one about how, when I joined EP, the prevailing mantra was "it's not your fault" (that the marriage has gone south) and not a real lot else.
But over the 2014/6 period this "it's not your fault" mantra had morphed in to - "it is not your fault that your spouse is avoidant, but it IS your fault to stay in that situation".
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Post by baza on Jun 2, 2016 21:37:16 GMT -5
Interesting to see at this stage that there are 316 members of this group.
And that 31 have thus far voted on the poll (about 10%, which is a worthwhile sample)
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********************* edited again, to reflect the info as of June 5 ***********************************************
The split up, as of June 5 is
Staying ------------------------------- 24%
Thinking about leaving -------------- 31%
Actively in the process of leaving -- 11%
Left ----------------------------------- 34%*
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If you chuck out those who have "Left"*, and look at only those who are still in their ILIASM deals, the split up looks like this -
Staying ------------------------------- 36%
Thinking about leaving -------------- 48%
Actively in the process of leaving ---16%
This is pretty similar to the figures in the old EP / ILIASM group (and that had 50k+ members)
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But anyway, there is the "snapshot" as of June 5.
Undoubtedly over months to come, some of the present "stayers" will gravitate in to the "Thinking about leaving" lot, and vice versa.
And some of the "Thinking about leaving" crew will shift over to the "Actively in the process of leaving" section.
And some of the "Actively in the process of leaving" section will complete their escape.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2016 21:47:35 GMT -5
Thank you for having the patience to do these calculations, baza. |
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Post by baza on Jun 2, 2016 22:02:30 GMT -5
I have great empathy for those "Thinking about leaving" group Sister SmartKat. From my own experience back in the day.
In my opinion it is the "worst" position to be in, with a boot in two camps, and the camps moving further apart.
And the ominous "Sword of Damocles" hanging over your head in the meantime.
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It's no way to live.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2016 18:44:49 GMT -5
^^Oh, I remember. I was "thinking about leaving" for a couple of years. I had to leave by the "one inch at a time" method.
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Post by ggold on Jun 4, 2016 22:20:40 GMT -5
^^Oh, I remember. I was "thinking about leaving" for a couple of years. I had to leave by the "one inch at a time" method. I think this is going to be me @smartkat. :-( |
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Post by obobfla on Jun 4, 2016 22:35:39 GMT -5
With my situation, I have to leave carefully. I care for my wife and want to make sure that neither of us is destitute. Therefore, I am busy packing a parachute to make the jump. We're going to start marriage counseling soon, but I believe that our marriage cannot be saved. Not sure if that is the best solution, but that is my plan.
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