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Post by tiredofbeinglonely on May 12, 2020 10:12:16 GMT -5
When heading back out there...what apps or methods did you use for meeting people? I am really just looking to meet people...talk...learn about what I want.
I have been married for 27 years. I was 19 when we met. While I dated before him, he is really all I have known my adult life...and it has been disappointing. I am not looking to run into another relationship, nor am I looking to just sleep around. I'm 45 and a quick look at dating apps didn't really have great options in my age range (+/- 10 years).
My son is 26 and he has already warned me that he doesn't want to know I am on tinder lol...which appears to be a hook up site anyway.
How did others start?
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Post by northstarmom on May 12, 2020 11:26:15 GMT -5
I got involved in Meetups and other activities that interested me. This included getting involved in community theater, something I’d always been interested in but never had done. I ended up not only finding out I have acting talent but also meeting the love of my life there, quite a surprise because many men in theater are gay.
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Post by tiredofbeinglonely on May 12, 2020 11:31:55 GMT -5
I got involved in Meetups and other activities that interested me. This included getting involved in community theater, something I’d always been interested in but never had done. I ended up not only finding out I have acting talent but also meeting the love of my life there, quite a surprise because many men in theater ate gay. That brought a smile to my face...you found something you love, have interest in, and someone to share it with. Perfect match all around  Covid makes it a little harder. All of my events were cancelled for the foreseeable future. Once the world opens again...I think I will start doing some more things to push myself out of my comfort zone. |
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Post by Apocrypha on May 12, 2020 12:15:47 GMT -5
Different apps favour different strengths, circumstances, desires, genders, styles, locales.
Best to use one that plays to your strengths.
The one that's right for you depends on a mix of all these factors.
When I was fresh out of my marriage in mid-40's, coming from a few years of "ethical non-monogamy" (loosely defined), and living in a metropolitan city, I found OKCupid worked best for me.
As I got more established and more available for a fulsome "normal" relationship with a quality person, I moved to Bumble - where women need to initiate contact. That immediately removes all women who won't do that, with the result that many women on Bumble in my city tend to be well-centred, reasonably confident, often professional business women. I'm almost never contacted by younger women on Bumble.
Tinder honestly isn't really for hookups past a certain age. Maybe the younger kids are. But due to the character limit and emphasis on pics, it is designed for shallow introductions. I think for 40+ it's largely a way for women to feel validated (but rarely meet) - it's a time waster - like a scratch and play lotto card.
Hinge in my area is huge- with its emphasis on starting conversations about topics.
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Post by tiredofbeinglonely on May 12, 2020 12:36:27 GMT -5
Apocrypha - that was an excellent breakdown! Thank you!
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Post by nyartgal on May 15, 2020 19:49:50 GMT -5
I never used an app. It’s funny, I never thought about it this way exactly, but all the men I was with up to and including my now husband were either through social connections (FB, friend of a friend, etc) and in one case a guy who worked where I was doing an artist residency. My husband was an acquaintance of a distant cousin of mine in Spain I met once in 1996. So I guess my advice is work your contacts, your social circle, etc. It feels less blind than online dating. That said, two of those men were in Italy (on two different trips) and one lives many states away from me. So not great for finding a boyfriend in my case, more like flings. If you’re on social media, that could be a good place to get to know someone (and who they know). Good luck!
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Post by elynne on May 20, 2020 1:54:57 GMT -5
When heading back out there...what apps or methods did you use for meeting people? I am really just looking to meet people...talk...learn about what I want. I have been married for 27 years. I was 19 when we met. While I dated before him, he is really all I have known my adult life...and it has been disappointing. I am not looking to run into another relationship, nor am I looking to just sleep around. I'm 45 and a quick look at dating apps didn't really have great options in my age range (+/- 10 years). My son is 26 and he has already warned me that he doesn't want to know I am on tinder lol...which appears to be a hook up site anyway. How did others start? I met my partner at a 3 day painting retreat. Immediate chemistry. I just knew that I liked being near him. He retells that the moment he saw me he thought “Oh my. She’s the one I’ve been hoping for my whole life.” After the dinner the second night, I checked my phone and had received an upsetting email. From across the room he noticed my subtle change in posture; a sigh or shoulders dropping. I looked up to find him kneeling beside my chair in the noisy room, his hand on my knee, concerned expression. “Are you ok?” My heart melted. Not only did this handsome painter notice me, he genuinely cared about my feelings. I think the trick to meeting someone special (after the current Covid crisis dies down) is to increase your odds. Get out there. Meet people. Lots of people. Do what you love. Be around other people who are interested in it too. Be open to new experiences and then take things slowly. Let a potential partner show you who they are. Equal parts hope and caution, I guess. I can’t imagine how destroyed I would be if I had gotten into another relationship like my marriage. That was enough pain and heartbreak for two lifetimes. |
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Post by mirrororchid on May 25, 2020 12:02:48 GMT -5
Apocrypha - that was an excellent breakdown! Thank you! Seems the COVID era is a very good time to test the waters of online dating. It'd force you to go slow. Chat up several gentlemen with no commitment to meet anyone because...COVID. Perfect built in excuse to let suitors down gently. Downside. If some guy says everything right and seems like a great catch. You're gonna hate waiting to meet him. If you can't wait? You might have a picnic. Two blankets, al fresco, six feet away. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Nov 3, 2020 9:49:55 GMT -5
Apocrypha - that was an excellent breakdown! Thank you! Seems the COVID era is a very good time to test the waters of online dating. It'd force you to go slow. Chat up several gentlemen with no commitment to meet anyone because...COVID. Perfect built in excuse to let suitors down gently. Downside. If some guy says everything right and seems like a great catch. You're gonna hate waiting to meet him. If you can't wait? You might have a picnic. Two blankets, al fresco, six feet away. In my experience (in a metropolitan city), I find that the way successful dating changed the dynamics was more complicated than that - and maybe less slow. For example, it's normal on a dating app in the "conversational" phase to be simultaneously chat-acquainted with a dozen or more suitors at once, and to be chatting more in depth with several of those. The trick is in getting the meet. Back in March to late spring, it became apparent that the chats were flooded with bored women who were looking to chat. My phone blew up with DMs from "tire-kicking" women who wanted chatty companionship but who clearly had no intention to meet any time within the next few months due to COVID. I saw the way that was going and the way the lockdowns would happen here, so I switched my habit. Ordinarily, I might go out for drinks and snacks once or twice a week on first date/meets and greets. That wasn't advisable or possible. So, instead, I chose to do it one at a time - having a pinky pact with my date on quarantine protocol, and two weeks in between anyone if there was kissing. Also, we moved up the "sexual health and habits" interview to instead occur before kissing, since the stakes were higher now for casual contact. The result was that we actually moved a bit faster, and I'm still in a relationship with the woman I met with. I think in metropolitan cities, people prefer to shop around a bit before picking the horse they are going to ride. COVID helped separate out the tire-kickers from women who were serious about a relationship, and helped to reduce the "shopping around" period of casual dating early in a relationship - which (IMO) sped things up. |
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 3, 2020 11:33:14 GMT -5
Despite lockdowns, one can participate in online meetups and classes, all of which can be great ways of having fun and meeting people including potential partners.
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Post by warmways on Nov 7, 2020 8:06:53 GMT -5
I’m going on a date in two hours. Wish me luck!! It’s a nice day where I live so I’m thinking we can bring our coffee outside to sip and sit in Adirondack chairs and it’s along a river. The coffee shop is right next to the waterfront
I’m so nervous for some reason.
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 7, 2020 10:03:02 GMT -5
I’m going on a date in two hours. Wish me luck!! It’s a nice day where I live so I’m thinking we can bring our coffee outside to sip and sit in Adirondack chairs and it’s along a river. The coffee shop is right next to the waterfront I’m so nervous for some reason. Your post gives me the chance to practice my Japanese...."rots of ruck"... |
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Post by sadkat on Nov 7, 2020 10:47:39 GMT -5
I’m going on a date in two hours. Wish me luck!! It’s a nice day where I live so I’m thinking we can bring our coffee outside to sip and sit in Adirondack chairs and it’s along a river. The coffee shop is right next to the waterfront I’m so nervous for some reason. Good Luck! I hope it goes well and it’s a start of a new adventure! I think a bit of nerves is understandable. |
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Post by saarinista on Nov 7, 2020 12:34:49 GMT -5
I’m going on a date in two hours. Wish me luck!! It’s a nice day where I live so I’m thinking we can bring our coffee outside to sip and sit in Adirondack chairs and it’s along a river. The coffee shop is right next to the waterfront I’m so nervous for some reason. Good Luck! I hope it goes well and it’s a start of a new adventure! I think a bit of nerves is understandable. I agree. Dating is stressful. Isn't that a lot of the reason most of us got married--to avoid having to date in the future? 😬😁 Good luck. |
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timedelay
Full Member
Posts: 153
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by timedelay on Nov 7, 2020 13:47:43 GMT -5
I’m going on a date in two hours. Wish me luck!! It’s a nice day where I live so I’m thinking we can bring our coffee outside to sip and sit in Adirondack chairs and it’s along a river. The coffee shop is right next to the waterfront I’m so nervous for some reason. Thinking of you now and hoping it's going well/was fun! |
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