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Post by Chatter Fox on May 29, 2016 7:44:10 GMT -5
She's only 2. She came up to me as I was drinking my coffee on the couch and she just snuggled up to me so nice. She's my sunshine. It's rough knowing that parts of my marriage are not quite right but moments like this make it easier to cope. She'll never be this age again and tomorrow she'll grow ever so slightly before my eyes. I'm just going to sit with her and soak in the positive. I'm trying lately to focus on these moments and try not to wallow in the negative.
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2016 8:21:05 GMT -5
She's only 2. She came up to me as I was drinking my coffee on the couch and she just snuggled up to me so nice. She's my sunshine. It's rough knowing that parts of my marriage are not quite right but moments like this make it easier to cope. She'll never be this age again and tomorrow she'll grow ever so slightly before my eyes. I'm just going to sit with her and soak in the positive. I'm trying lately to focus on these moments and try not to wallow in the negative. Tomorrow, you'll grow ever so slightly before her eyes. |
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Post by baza on May 29, 2016 9:02:57 GMT -5
"I'm trying lately to focus on these moments and try not to wallow in the negative".
The dilemma of two competing, but separate issues.
#1 - your relationship with your missus.
#2 - your relationship with your kid.
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Can you improve and enhance your relationship with the kid in days and years to come ? Whatever the circumstances ?
Probably yes.
Can you improve and enhance your relationship with your missus in days and years to come ? Whatever the circumstances ?
Probably not.
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I guess the big question here is whether your good relationship with your daughter is necessarily contingent upon you continuing your dysfunctional relationship with your missus.
Probably, the two things are bolted together in your present thinking.
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Something to consider.
People DO divorce
People DO maintain their relationships with their kids
It's possible.
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Not to say you should (or should not) do this.
Just think about it in terms of it as being possible.
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Post by wewbwb on May 29, 2016 9:15:36 GMT -5
She's only 2. She came up to me as I was drinking my coffee on the couch and she just snuggled up to me so nice. She's my sunshine. It's rough knowing that parts of my marriage are not quite right but moments like this make it easier to cope. She'll never be this age again and tomorrow she'll grow ever so slightly before my eyes. I'm just going to sit with her and soak in the positive. I'm trying lately to focus on these moments and try not to wallow in the negative. You are a good man and a loving father. There are all sorts of information about positive thinking. Research some of it. It helps if you utilize it. |
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Post by obobfla on May 29, 2016 10:44:25 GMT -5
After arguing with my wife yesterday, my son said he was worried about my wife and me splitting up. I didn't tell him that we would stay together, but I explained that I was upset at my wife's thoughtlessness (he was too). I know what he wants, but I also have to think of what is best for him.
My son and I are very close. We do everything to make each other laugh, making faces, teasing, and playing with puppets. He is 13 right now, but his mother treats him as if he were younger. She goes into his room without knocking. She even insists on walking him to the school bus stop. She also insists on going everywhere with us. My son and I don't get to spend too much time alone except after she goes to sleep.
My son is forever. My wife is not, regardless of what the marriage vows said.
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Post by Chatter Fox on May 29, 2016 14:15:38 GMT -5
She's only 2. She came up to me as I was drinking my coffee on the couch and she just snuggled up to me so nice. She's my sunshine. It's rough knowing that parts of my marriage are not quite right but moments like this make it easier to cope. She'll never be this age again and tomorrow she'll grow ever so slightly before my eyes. I'm just going to sit with her and soak in the positive. I'm trying lately to focus on these moments and try not to wallow in the negative. Tomorrow, you'll grow ever so slightly before her eyes. Very true! Thanks for that insight! |
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Post by Chatter Fox on May 29, 2016 14:16:23 GMT -5
"I'm trying lately to focus on these moments and try not to wallow in the negative". The dilemma of two competing, but separate issues. #1 - your relationship with your missus. #2 - your relationship with your kid. - Can you improve and enhance your relationship with the kid in days and years to come ? Whatever the circumstances ? Probably yes. Can you improve and enhance your relationship with your missus in days and years to come ? Whatever the circumstances ? Probably not. - I guess the big question here is whether your good relationship with your daughter is necessarily contingent upon you continuing your dysfunctional relationship with your missus. Probably, the two things are bolted together in your present thinking. - Something to consider. People DO divorce People DO maintain their relationships with their kids It's possible. - Not to say you should (or should not) do this. Just think about it in terms of it as being possible. Very well said! You make many good points. |
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Post by Chatter Fox on May 29, 2016 14:19:17 GMT -5
She's only 2. She came up to me as I was drinking my coffee on the couch and she just snuggled up to me so nice. She's my sunshine. It's rough knowing that parts of my marriage are not quite right but moments like this make it easier to cope. She'll never be this age again and tomorrow she'll grow ever so slightly before my eyes. I'm just going to sit with her and soak in the positive. I'm trying lately to focus on these moments and try not to wallow in the negative. You are a good man and a loving father. There are all sorts of information about positive thinking. Research some of it. It helps if you utilize it. Thank you for saying that.  Its very much appreciated. Truth is, some days I feel like an awful father. Some days I just get so angry and resentful and I feel like I'm really falling short on my full potential to be a good dad. My SM leaks out and affects my kids. I try my hardest to not let it but some days are harder than others to find my happiness. Today was a good day though. |
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Post by Chatter Fox on May 29, 2016 14:25:05 GMT -5
After arguing with my wife yesterday, my son said he was worried about my wife and me splitting up. I didn't tell him that we would stay together, but I explained that I was upset at my wife's thoughtlessness (he was too). I know what he wants, but I also have to think of what is best for him. My son and I are very close. We do everything to make each other laugh, making faces, teasing, and playing with puppets. He is 13 right now, but his mother treats him as if he were younger. She goes into his room without knocking. She even insists on walking him to the school bus stop. She also insists on going everywhere with us. My son and I don't get to spend too much time alone except after she goes to sleep. My son is forever. My wife is not, regardless of what the marriage vows said. I can relate. Marriage is freaking tough! Deciding how kids are to be raised or treated is enough of a struggle in and of itself. Personally, I agree with your perspective of giving your son more space and freedom. I think 13 is old enough to go to the bus stop on your own. Plus, the entering without knocking thing. He's at the age where he probably needs a bit more respect for his privacy. Also, in getting alone time with him. I get that too. I believe it's important for parents to get plenty of one on one time with their kids. Family time with everyone involved is nice and all but I just think that it's important to have that one on one stuff as well. My son is 6. May I ask, how long has your marriage been sexless? Do you wish you left when your kids were younger? |
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Post by obobfla on May 29, 2016 16:03:26 GMT -5
After arguing with my wife yesterday, my son said he was worried about my wife and me splitting up. I didn't tell him that we would stay together, but I explained that I was upset at my wife's thoughtlessness (he was too). I know what he wants, but I also have to think of what is best for him. My son and I are very close. We do everything to make each other laugh, making faces, teasing, and playing with puppets. He is 13 right now, but his mother treats him as if he were younger. She goes into his room without knocking. She even insists on walking him to the school bus stop. She also insists on going everywhere with us. My son and I don't get to spend too much time alone except after she goes to sleep. My son is forever. My wife is not, regardless of what the marriage vows said. I can relate. Marriage is freaking tough! Deciding how kids are to be raised or treated is enough of a struggle in and of itself. Personally, I agree with your perspective of giving your son more space and freedom. I think 13 is old enough to go to the bus stop on your own. Plus, the entering without knocking thing. He's at the age where he probably needs a bit more respect for his privacy. Also, in getting alone time with him. I get that too. I believe it's important for parents to get plenty of one on one time with their kids. Family time with everyone involved is nice and all but I just think that it's important to have that one on one stuff as well. My son is 6. May I ask, how long has your marriage been sexless? Do you wish you left when your kids were younger? How long has our marriage been sexless? Of and on about 10 years, with no sex whatsoever the past two years. After my son was born, my wife was born, my wife was scared to get pregnant again. Yes, I wish I left earlier. Although my son is one of the reasons I have stayed, the biggest has been lack of money. My wife is on disability and cannot support herself. I cannot afford rent for two apartments. |
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Post by lwoetin on May 29, 2016 23:06:28 GMT -5
She's only 2. She came up to me as I was drinking my coffee on the couch and she just snuggled up to me so nice. She's my sunshine. It's rough knowing that parts of my marriage are not quite right but moments like this make it easier to cope. She'll never be this age again and tomorrow she'll grow ever so slightly before my eyes. I'm just going to sit with her and soak in the positive. I'm trying lately to focus on these moments and try not to wallow in the negative. I treasure those years. My daughter is 14 and in high school now. She is always my sweet little girl though...despite all the curse words in her vocabulary and taller than my wife too. They grow so quickly. A few days ago she was asking when we will allow her to have a boyfriend. And if my wife and I were virgins when we conceived her. Uhhh. My wife answered and said it was none of her business. Enjoy your time with your precious daughter. |
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2016 10:42:57 GMT -5
I'm vacationing in CA with my family for a week. Yesterday after a long hike, maybe too much sun, maybe too much food, and driving on winding mountain roads, my 15 year old daughter had us pull over so she could barf.
So I'm standing with her at a turn out holding her hair while she pukes her guts out.
My son is sitting in the truck telling me to scoop up the vomit so we can take it back to the restaurant and get our money back. That food was defective.
Yes, even the bad stuff is good. Daughters are the best.
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Post by lwoetin on May 31, 2016 11:54:12 GMT -5
I'm vacationing in CA with my family for a week. Yesterday after a long hike, maybe too much sun, maybe too much food, and driving on winding mountain roads, my 15 year old daughter had us pull over so she could barf. So I'm standing with her at a turn out holding her hair while she pukes her guts out. My son is sitting in the truck telling me to scoop up the vomit so we can take it back to the restaurant and get our money back. That food was defective. Yes, even the bad stuff is good. Daughters are the best. You raise your son well! It's great when the kids can sympathize with one another. Scooping vomit? I hope she feels better. We're heading to Yosemite for several days this summer. Where did you go? |
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2016 20:55:35 GMT -5
I'm vacationing in CA with my family for a week. Yesterday after a long hike, maybe too much sun, maybe too much food, and driving on winding mountain roads, my 15 year old daughter had us pull over so she could barf. So I'm standing with her at a turn out holding her hair while she pukes her guts out. My son is sitting in the truck telling me to scoop up the vomit so we can take it back to the restaurant and get our money back. That food was defective. Yes, even the bad stuff is good. Daughters are the best. I think your son is pretty cool, myself. Sick sense of humor! |
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Post by Pinkberry on Jun 1, 2016 7:31:57 GMT -5
You are a good man and a loving father. There are all sorts of information about positive thinking. Research some of it. It helps if you utilize it. Thank you for saying that. Its very much appreciated. Truth is, some days I feel like an awful father. Some days I just get so angry and resentful and I feel like I'm really falling short on my full potential to be a good dad. My SM leaks out and affects my kids. I try my hardest to not let it but some days are harder than others to find my happiness. Today was a good day though. I agree that you sound like a loving father. Hold onto that. I know it's hard. Even now that I am out, interactions with my ADBX refuser make me tense and that can leak out into my interactions with my kids. I do my best to prevent that. If it does leak, I apologize to the kids and tell them that I am sorry that I am short tempered because they do not deserve that. Nobody is perfect, but acknowledging when you fall short and letting the child know how important they are and that you will continue to strive to do better is a key to ensuring that the effects of the SM don't permanently change the child. I found that I was a pretty miserable person while in my SM. It is virtually impossible not to have that affect other areas of your life. Furthermore, I found that I am a MUCH better parent outside the SM. That is not to say that the divorce was not hard on my kids. It was, but not as hard as living in a house with horrible tension and parents who fought all the time. It was not as hard as watching my children drink in our marriage as if it was normal. My experience is certainly not universally applicable, but the vast majority of folks find that out is hugely better than in, even when it is very, very difficult. |
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Its very much appreciated. Truth is, some days I feel like an awful father. Some days I just get so angry and resentful and I feel like I'm really falling short on my full potential to be a good dad. My SM leaks out and affects my kids. I try my hardest to not let it but some days are harder than others to find my happiness. Today was a good day though.
