Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Sept 17, 2019 8:25:13 GMT -5
crazyheart
Welcome to the club...hope you stick around and enjoy the company.
My advice? You are highly self aware and that is a great quality. You know what you want and are willing to fight for it, even if it means killing your marriage.
You are aware that sex and initmacy are important to you. And you do not have this with your wife. Whatever the reasons may be.
What seems to be holding you back is your guilt. And your wife playing that up to the max. I suppose there will always be some guilt, but you must do what is best for you, come what may.
Consider the alternative. You stay and lead a life unfulfilling. That seems like martyrdom to me. Will that make you a great husband? Will that make you a great father? I suspect the answer is no. You have already been doing this for the past 10 years. It will only get worse.
If Im in your shoes, I wouldnt allow yourself to get caught up in your SO's projections and fear of the unknown. Do you what you must do. The only way you can serve your family best is when you are whole in body, spirit, and mind. This should be your focus
Your kids will always have you, regardless of whether you are with your wife or without. At this age, your physical presence is not as significant for them as it might have been in the past. Even so, you will always be in their life. They will adjust.
If you really want to test yourself, try a thought experiment. Suppose that you and your W split. Suppose that after hitting the dating market, you meet someone you get along with and sex is great. W may find the same. All that time, whatever was holding you both back sexually is gone and now you both refind that mojo. Now the thought of your W finding that fulfillment may make you angry at first. But in the big scheme of things, whatever W's aversion to you was, do you really want to live with for the rest of your days? Do you want to live with someone who has to suppress their sexuality to be with you?
Now this is just a thought experiment so your W may never find that sexual fulfillment nor might she care. But the exercise is useful in providing some context.
All the best!
Welcome to the club...hope you stick around and enjoy the company.
My advice? You are highly self aware and that is a great quality. You know what you want and are willing to fight for it, even if it means killing your marriage.
You are aware that sex and initmacy are important to you. And you do not have this with your wife. Whatever the reasons may be.
What seems to be holding you back is your guilt. And your wife playing that up to the max. I suppose there will always be some guilt, but you must do what is best for you, come what may.
Consider the alternative. You stay and lead a life unfulfilling. That seems like martyrdom to me. Will that make you a great husband? Will that make you a great father? I suspect the answer is no. You have already been doing this for the past 10 years. It will only get worse.
If Im in your shoes, I wouldnt allow yourself to get caught up in your SO's projections and fear of the unknown. Do you what you must do. The only way you can serve your family best is when you are whole in body, spirit, and mind. This should be your focus
Your kids will always have you, regardless of whether you are with your wife or without. At this age, your physical presence is not as significant for them as it might have been in the past. Even so, you will always be in their life. They will adjust.
If you really want to test yourself, try a thought experiment. Suppose that you and your W split. Suppose that after hitting the dating market, you meet someone you get along with and sex is great. W may find the same. All that time, whatever was holding you both back sexually is gone and now you both refind that mojo. Now the thought of your W finding that fulfillment may make you angry at first. But in the big scheme of things, whatever W's aversion to you was, do you really want to live with for the rest of your days? Do you want to live with someone who has to suppress their sexuality to be with you?
Now this is just a thought experiment so your W may never find that sexual fulfillment nor might she care. But the exercise is useful in providing some context.
All the best!