Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2019 10:28:44 GMT -5
I don’t think she is having an affair. Drugs, well, she smokes pot but... I agree though it is far from normal. She is a little fucked up. She has to be right all the time, even when she is painfully wrong. It’s rather annoying. Right now I’m worried about financial situations changing if I left. I’m thinking about just finding a girlfriend. I joined a dating site. No hits yet but hopefully someday. I’m not even trying to hide myself there. I’ll be hard to get a hit though as I’m being truthful of my situation so most girls wouldn’t want to get invovled. Her behavior is far enough from normal that you're giving her the smallest benefit of the doubt...........and you shouldn't be.
|
|
|
Post by saarinista on Jul 16, 2019 18:38:06 GMT -5
michael I agree. She treats you like dirt, and it cant help but to make you feel horrible about yourself. I hear the self-loathing in your voice. We do tend to start to loathe ourselves when those who are supposed to love us treat us so badly. It seems that you've been in this pit for ages. Have you considered talking with a professional counselor to get some input about why you are staying with her despite her mistreatment of you? Marriage is supposed to be about love and joy-not a life prison sentence to misery. :-(
|
|
|
Post by michael on Jul 16, 2019 19:45:55 GMT -5
I have considered counseling. I. don’t know where to start though as I’m in limbo. Do I talk about how to deal with her leaving or staying? She keeps me guessing what her intentions are.
i did see a psychiatrist one time but he smirked when I told him I’m depressed about my lack of intimacy. He was more interested if I suffered from abuse or not. Or whether I lash out in any way. I felt like he was trying to entrap me.
|
|
|
Post by hopingforachange on Jul 16, 2019 20:05:47 GMT -5
I have considered counseling. I. don’t know where to start though as I’m in limbo. Do I talk about how to deal with her leaving or staying? She keeps me guessing what her intentions are. i did see a psychiatrist one time but he smirked when I told him I’m depressed about my lack of intimacy. He was more interested if I suffered from abuse or not. Or whether I lash out in any way. I felt like he was trying to entrap me. A good counselor will help start the conversations and guide you where it needs to go.
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Jul 16, 2019 21:05:15 GMT -5
I have considered counseling. I. don’t know where to start though as I’m in limbo. Do I talk about how to deal with her leaving or staying? She keeps me guessing what her intentions are. Go to aasect.org - participating counselors specialize in sexual-related issues, including intimacy. Be sure to ask if their focus is on low-intimacy relationships (as opposed to sex addiction). Keying off some nuances in your writing, you seem to be at a loss for how to deal with whatever she decides to do. You need help to change that perspective - you have a voice in this relationship, and the ability to make decisions if it’s unacceptable to you. It’s not all up to her, and you don’t have to accept whatever she decides (or doesn’t).
|
|
|
Post by baza on Jul 17, 2019 1:16:33 GMT -5
I have considered counseling. I. don’t know where to start though as I’m in limbo. Do I talk about how to deal with her leaving or staying? She keeps me guessing what her intentions are. i did see a psychiatrist one time but he smirked when I told him I’m depressed about my lack of intimacy. He was more interested if I suffered from abuse or not. Or whether I lash out in any way. I felt like he was trying to entrap me. She may well - "keep you guessing what her intentions are" That doesn't particularly matter - AS LONG AS YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR INTENTIONS ARE. If you know what your intentions are, and if you have the appropriate legal advice and all, and if you have a do-able exit strategy, and if you have the wherewithal to see it through, then it really doesn't matter what your missus says or does. Straight up Brother michael .... what are your intentions ?
|
|
|
Post by lessingham on Jul 17, 2019 3:37:03 GMT -5
Are you sure the guy smirked? When I first went to a shrink I was way off the charts and lost in my own head. I was on a tick list of reasons I would walk out of the office. If she smiled, she was patronising. If she did not smile she was boring. If subject A, B, or C were raised I was out of there! It took a session or two for the suspicions to fade and the work to begin. So, I would suggest you go back and give therapy another try. I have been there, the willingness to believe any lie and accept any behaviour rather than confront. I wish you well with your journey.
|
|
|
Post by michael on Jul 17, 2019 5:15:02 GMT -5
I have considered counseling. I. don’t know where to start though as I’m in limbo. Do I talk about how to deal with her leaving or staying? She keeps me guessing what her intentions are. i did see a psychiatrist one time but he smirked when I told him I’m depressed about my lack of intimacy. He was more interested if I suffered from abuse or not. Or whether I lash out in any way. I felt like he was trying to entrap me. She may well - "keep you guessing what her intentions are" That doesn't particularly matter - AS LONG AS YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR INTENTIONS ARE. If you know what your intentions are, and if you have the appropriate legal advice and all, and if you have a do-able exit strategy, and if you have the wherewithal to see it through, then it really doesn't matter what your missus says or does. Straight up Brother michael .... what are your intentions ? I want her to stay, and ideally having sex with my wife but I don’t think that will ever happen again. Perhaps I could get a girlfriend. I think my wife would be open to it. Of course that doesn’t mean I’m open to her sleeping with someone else. And if I get laid by someone else I’ll likely have changed feelings for my wife. So I don’t know.
|
|
|
Post by baza on Jul 17, 2019 6:24:23 GMT -5
I guess then, that sorting out what your intentions - I stress YOUR intentions - are is key Brother michael . Otherwise you are condemned to being in a re-active position where your missus makes her choices, and you are just dragged along for the ride. The chances of that working out to be in your best long term interests is pretty hard to see.
|
|
|
Post by saarinista on Jul 17, 2019 18:34:02 GMT -5
I have considered counseling. I. don’t know where to start though as I’m in limbo. Do I talk about how to deal with her leaving or staying? She keeps me guessing what her intentions are. Go to aasect.org - participating counselors specialize in sexual-related issues, including intimacy. Be sure to ask if their focus is on low-intimacy relationships (as opposed to sex addiction). Keying off some nuances in your writing, you seem to be at a loss for how to deal with whatever she decides to do. You need help to change that perspective - you have a voice in this relationship, and the ability to make decisions if it’s unacceptable to you. It’s not all up to her, and you don’t have to accept whatever she decides (or doesn’t). That's great advice, DryCreek. A caveat: I looked at the counselors listed, and unless Michael lives in a large city, there may not be any member therapist available on that list. michael, another idea would be for you to call your local United Way organization and ask for a referral to an organization they fund which provides counseling services; perhsps even services offered on a sliding fee scale. Another thought: you'd probably benefit more from a psychotherapist, not necessarily a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is an MD. While they can prescribe medication or other physical interventions, almost no psychiatrist does actual counseling today. Talk therapy is provided by psychologists, LMFTS, CSWs, MSWs, etc. These are usually Master's-level or higher professionals who are also licensed by a state board (at least here in the US) and have extensive training in doing talk therapy, which is likely the best start for you. My friend, you sound like you're in a really negative place. I recommend you not overthink finding the perfect counselor. Just find someone who is licensed and go to them for a time or two. See how it goes. In general, it could hardly hurt you.
|
|
|
Post by michael on Jul 18, 2019 2:44:53 GMT -5
I was going to talk to a pastor in my area. He was recommended by a friend. She also recommended a psychotherapist, but she costs $100 an hour, so I’ll have to see if it’s covered by my work. In live in Canada. Health care is free but super sucks despite what many Americans think.
Here is an unrelated example of how our health care works. My dad’s friend needed a test done. The appointment was for six months in the future. It would be free but he may have died by then. He called a hospital in Buffalo, NY. He got the test done right away for a couple hundred dollars..
|
|
|
Post by snowman12345 on Jul 18, 2019 4:35:19 GMT -5
Probably cheating on her part would be the dealbreaker for me. For her, well, she already wants to leave me and the kids. I got bitter over the lack of sex so I was moody. She said I’m obsessed with sex. I think once a week is quite acceptable. As it turns out it’s neen two years now and that was only pity because my dad died. She just hasn’t yet because I didn’t want her to. I trying to be more pleasant even though I feel bitter. I don’t know if she really wants leave to or if she is just using the threat to get what she wants out of me. BTW, how does this situation sound. Yesterday was my birthday. She wanted to go to a restaurant. We did. I drove my vehicle for a half hour to get there using my gas. The bill was almost $100. I paid. That was my birthday present. Nothing from the kids either. I always make sure that the kids get something for her on her days. Even if it’s something little. Think that was a one off? Last Christmas I spent almost $800 dollars on her from me and the kids. From her to me? I got a pair of socks. Sounds to me like you both have already checked out. Whether you initiate the breakup or she does - you should be proactive and consult a lawyer to protect your kids and yourself.
|
|
|
Post by michael on Jul 18, 2019 7:10:41 GMT -5
I’ve heard that. If it happens she is going to the other house and I’ll stay here with the kids. That is what she has already said. We will see over the next couple months. Whether we put the house up for sale or she moves over there.
|
|