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Post by baza on Jun 3, 2019 20:40:12 GMT -5
Picture I'm getting as you divulge more information Sister GoldenBubble , is that your spouse is jealous, manipulative and controlling. Maybe it is he who needs to get into individual counselling to work on his assorted issues. He seems to be the one with all the problems. He recently admitted to the jealousy. When I challenge him on it he says "I've just never felt this way before so I don't really know how to handle it. I just feel scared and I don't know why." Guess that explains why his previous partners were ugly. It made him feel secure. I'd have my money on your spouse being a jealous manipulative controller with partner #1, and she gave him the arse. Then he learned nothing out of that and did the same thing with partner #2 until she got sick of it, again learned nothing and is currently doing the same thing with you.
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Post by noregretz on Jun 3, 2019 21:09:24 GMT -5
Classical narcissistic behavior...
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larry101
Junior Member
Posts: 45
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by larry101 on Jun 3, 2019 22:43:45 GMT -5
Classical narcissistic behavior... I gotta say, my wife exhibits a lot of similar behavior so I totally feel your pain. She has a bimonthly libido too. She's pulled the fake sleep many times. Though there are some unique, rather bizarre segments in your story. It might just be difference in gender and his role in relationship. Is this how a lower sexed dominant male would duplicate the actions of a lower sexed submissive female?
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Post by GoldenBubble on Jun 4, 2019 8:31:51 GMT -5
Interesting update....I initiated last night just for kicks. I took the dominant role and he went right along with everything. Was very compliant and we had a great time. I went into the bathroom to do my nightly beauty routine and he was "asleep" when I came to bed. Wow, that was fast. So I laid in bed and watched a movie on my tablet. When I got sleepy I put in my earplugs, turned out the light and perhaps one minute later he got out of bed, put on his robe and went to the living room. He slept on the couch. Never said a word to me. And then this morning instead of the usual 20 minute morning cuddles I got 3 minutes (yes I timed it) of rough bear hugs and loud smacking kisses. Then he left the room. I was furious so I put on my robe and went out to the living room. He was watching the news. I made some playful comments about the tv being my competition. He told me he was in a hurry and didn't have time to hang out in bed. But, he had time to discuss to weather, the dog, hunting, finances....for 40 minutes. Nope, no games being played here
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Post by workingonit on Jun 4, 2019 10:52:53 GMT -5
I find myself in the very unusual position of feeling sympathy for your h. I feel like in his position I would not know what you were upset about. Are you clearly and without anger and judgment saying "Hey I really enjoy long cuddles in the am. They are really good for my sense of self. It hurts my feelings when you cut those short and watch TV." If you say that calmly and show that you have a need and he does not respond well then I would understand. But, and I am sorry if I am misunderstanding, it sounds like you are expecting him to intuit your needs and you are making snide comments when he does not. He does not have the same needs as you. That is not wrong- that is human. Are you able to communicate without angrily accusing him of playing games?
As someone whose h did not TOUCH me (literally) for years I guess my POV is a bit different. I really am saying this with a kind tone!
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 4, 2019 11:35:43 GMT -5
I see workingonit’s point. If you want cuddles, say so, don’t silently steam. If you say what you want and he does refuses to comply then he is deliberately not giving you what you wanted.
When I was in my sm, the rare times) I.e. a year may have passed) we had sex, it was a quick in and out with no cuddles or tenderness then or in the morning.
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Post by GoldenBubble on Jun 4, 2019 13:40:21 GMT -5
The morning routine was well-defined two years ago so he is fully aware of the expectations. It's not just an emotional whim of mine--we do this every morning. He's usually consistent but about once a week pulls some stunt to show his upset. Yes, he's upset with me today. I just walked in from shopping and got a confrontation about where I was, can he go to the nail salon with me tonight, what's going on, why am I trying to upset him....blah, blah, blah. It's funny how when I stay calm in the face of his accusations he then accuses me of trying to upset him.
See folks, some people are going to make you really regret having sex with them so that you never ever suggest it again.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jun 4, 2019 16:32:16 GMT -5
The morning routine was well-defined two years ago so he is fully aware of the expectations. It's not just an emotional whim of mine--we do this every morning. He's usually consistent but about once a week pulls some stunt to show his upset. Yes, he's upset with me today. I just walked in from shopping and got a confrontation about where I was, can he go to the nail salon with me tonight, what's going on, why am I trying to upset him....blah, blah, blah. It's funny how when I stay calm in the face of his accusations he then accuses me of trying to upset him. See folks, some people are going to make you really regret having sex with them so that you never ever suggest it again. So that I'm understanding correctly, you did have sex and it was enjoyable, but it was the follow-up affection that was the sticking point? Honestly, it doesn't sound like he is trying to make you regret asking for sex.
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Post by GoldenBubble on Jun 4, 2019 16:37:32 GMT -5
The morning routine was well-defined two years ago so he is fully aware of the expectations. It's not just an emotional whim of mine--we do this every morning. He's usually consistent but about once a week pulls some stunt to show his upset. Yes, he's upset with me today. I just walked in from shopping and got a confrontation about where I was, can he go to the nail salon with me tonight, what's going on, why am I trying to upset him....blah, blah, blah. It's funny how when I stay calm in the face of his accusations he then accuses me of trying to upset him. See folks, some people are going to make you really regret having sex with them so that you never ever suggest it again. So that I'm understanding correctly, you did have sex and it was enjoyable, but it was the follow-up affection that was the sticking point? Honestly, it doesn't sound like he is trying to make you regret asking for sex. I don't really know what his problem is. He ghosted me today for a pre-planned lunch so I took myself shopping. Then he got angry when I came home and accused me of purposely trying to upset him. WTF??? I wish I knew why he acts this way AFTER we have sex.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 4, 2019 16:42:19 GMT -5
Golden Bubble, he obviously has intimacy issues. Unfortunately, you can’t change him. He’ll change only if his dysfunction bothers him enough for him to do whatever is necessary to change. If he doesn’t, it’s likely that the intimacy you have now is the best you will have from now on.
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Post by jim44444 on Jun 5, 2019 1:41:11 GMT -5
There have been articles published about this phenomenon. Some people become angry or depressed after sex. Researches theorize that it is due to a drop in hormones following orgasm. I wish I could find a link to share.
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Post by Handy on Jun 5, 2019 11:31:14 GMT -5
GoldenBubble wish I knew why he acts this way AFTER we have sexMy W didn't do exactly what your H does but she had some high expectations of me after we had sex. There is a concept of something similar to "people are nice to the spouse before having sex and once the sex happens there is a decrease in empathy for the spouse. Some people practice no orgasm for the H but have sex several times a week or month. The idea is the man loses interest in the woman's emotional interests if he cums. here is a website that covers something similar. www.menswelfare.com/benefits-of-nofap/
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