|
Post by ironhamster on Apr 11, 2019 2:54:59 GMT -5
I think you're right. We have had a fairly active intimate relationship, we have always been open to most positions, toys etc. We've tried different things just between us. Nothing weird or painful. So, we should have interesting times exploring different ways. And this really is a new territory for us, we just have to learn how to journey through it. . I don't know of any companies that make reasonably priced rugged bedframes, but the one I fashioned has a headboard that can be used for stability or leverage for agressive riding. If cowgirl/reverse cowgirl works, you may want to consider finding furniture that augments the experience. As far as his knees and shoulder, you may want to look into stem cell therapy. My shoulder has a type 3 AC separation, and conventional surgery offers little hope for improvement. The surgeon says SCT can get me 80% back.
|
|
|
Post by rejected101 on Apr 12, 2019 19:16:27 GMT -5
I know he loves me but he no longer has any desire for me. This has been going on coming up on 3 years. I miss being wanted by him. I have asked, insinuated, sexted, you name it, I've tried everything. The only response I get is that he is over 40 and just no longer has the "drive". I think what he really means is that he no longer has the drive for me. I want to not hurt so much by his rejection. How do you handle it? From the post I can not tell whether you still have sex with your husband. Maybe you have sex once a week, once a month, once a quarter, once a year or zero sex altogether. What is very very clear though is something that is absolutely the theme of this forum. Our partners have as much sex as what pleases them. Whether that is one of the above frequencies, you can bet your bottom dollar that they do not let themselves miss out on what ever that is. It could be that after 3 months a without, they fancy a little tickle so....they take it. And like a dog starved of food for long enough, when the meal is placed down on the floor before them, they chew it up with a big smile on their face without a second thought about what what an absolute cunt their owner is. Or... It could be after 6 months they want yet another sexless week and guess what. That’s exactly what they take.
|
|
|
Post by baza on Apr 12, 2019 19:31:25 GMT -5
Very telling point Brother rejected101 makes here. One of the spouses in the marriage is getting the exact amount of sex they want.
|
|
|
Post by ashbysmom on Apr 12, 2019 19:59:06 GMT -5
Up until about three years ago, our activities happened 2/3 times a week, sometimes more. They did not always end up in intercourse. Sometimes it was just petting, rubbing, having fun with each other. For the last few years, its only about once or twice every 3 months. After talking with him this week, he still has a strong desire, waking in the middle of night wanting to be with me but he moves the wrong way and the pain hits him and he ends up not acting on it. We are working on alternatives that will provide him with relief and by understanding what he is going through, I think our relationship will be stronger.
|
|
|
Post by rejected101 on Apr 12, 2019 20:23:57 GMT -5
Up until about three years ago, our activities happened 2/3 times a week, sometimes more. They did not always end up in intercourse. Sometimes it was just petting, rubbing, having fun with each other. For the last few years, its only about once or twice every 3 months. After talking with him this week, he still has a strong desire, waking in the middle of night wanting to be with me but he moves the wrong way and the pain hits him and he ends up not acting on it. We are working on alternatives that will provide him with relief and by understanding what he is going through, I think our relationship will be stronger. I haven’t read the entire thread so forgive me “the pain hits him”. So he has a physical issue that makes sex or certain movements physically uncomfortable?
|
|
|
Post by ashbysmom on Apr 12, 2019 20:47:28 GMT -5
Yea, his knees are bone on bone and he has a rotator cuff injury (torn). He just never told me that the pain has steadily gotten worse. He's not a complainer. I would ask how he would be feeling, if his pain was any better. He would tell me he was ok. So, that being said, I can help with pain alternatives.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Apr 12, 2019 21:03:27 GMT -5
Ashby’smom, would he hurt if you got on top or if you Ben over the bed?
|
|
|
Post by ashbysmom on Apr 12, 2019 21:15:14 GMT -5
No, we done those several times. And if he moves the wrong way, his shoulder makes him pay for it and it tends to put an end to it. So, we are working on different things.
|
|
|
Post by baza on Apr 12, 2019 23:43:05 GMT -5
You'd figure that in a physically demanding job that the stresses and pressure on his shoulder would be far greater than the pressures and stresses in play when having a root.
Presumably then, whatever he does to get through at work would be applicable to when he gets home.
|
|
|
Post by rejected101 on Apr 13, 2019 5:37:18 GMT -5
Yea, his knees are bone on bone and he has a rotator cuff injury (torn). He just never told me that the pain has steadily gotten worse. He's not a complainer. I would ask how he would be feeling, if his pain was any better. He would tell me he was ok. So, that being said, I can help with pain alternatives. Hmmm, I think you are guilty of doing what i did and probably many many others have done before. Either making an excuse for your partner which explains why the sex has disappeared or accepting an excuse that when you scrutinise it fully, it just doesn’t stack up. You are not alone with this by any stretch. Until I finally lost my patience with this I used to except all of the following... “I’m too tired” (proceeds to play on her phone and stay up way longer then if we had just had sex and gone to sleep) “I have a headache” (one that there was no sign of all day when she doing this that and the other) I’m nearly on my period/I’m only just on my period (so not on your period then) I could go on and on and list 100 things or more. You get the point though? I accepted and tolerated and sympathised with each and every excuse for years and years until.... I realised that they were bull shit excuses.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Apr 13, 2019 6:44:31 GMT -5
In an earlier reply to your post I recommended your H see his doctor and be tested for potential hormonal deficiencies. Now I would recommend he see his physician for a sensible approach to pain management. There may well be a non addictive means of dealing with the issue, at least for short periods, say an hour or so during intimacy. And there may be alternative approaches other than conventional medicine. Something that comes to mind is hypnosis. Others here may have better suggestions. Maybe I am barking up the wrong tree but don't limit yourself to the obvious. Help may be available via means other than pills or shots. Good luck.
|
|
|
Post by csl on Apr 13, 2019 12:26:27 GMT -5
Very telling point Brother rejected101 makes here. One of the spouses in the marriage is getting the exact amount of sex they want. As might be expected, I am going to dispute that, and that is based on our own history. I tell the story on my blog, but basically, for Wife and I, 2010 was clinically sexless, at 11 times in 12 months. We "had The Talk" New Year's Eve, and lo and behold, neither of us was happy with our sexlife. Due to my hip I had extreme difficulty in going upstairs to our bedroom and slept in my recliner in the living room. I didn't make much attempt to go up, because I had mistakenly assumed that she didn't like sex anymore. Wife didn't say anything because she believed I was in too much pain to go upstairs but she would get horny as Hades, and had to take care of the situation on her own. After The Talk, we both realized that our wrong assumptions was the driving force for our sexless marriage, and we took steps to deal with our wants and exigencies. By the middle of Feb., 2011, Wife and I had surpassed the "record" of 2010. So it isn't necessarily true that one spouse is getting the exact amount of sex that they want.
|
|
|
Post by rejected101 on Apr 13, 2019 13:04:05 GMT -5
Very telling point Brother rejected101 makes here. One of the spouses in the marriage is getting the exact amount of sex they want. As might be expected, I am going to dispute that, and that is based on our own history. I tell the story on my blog, but basically, for Wife and I, 2010 was clinically sexless, at 11 times in 12 months. We "had The Talk" New Year's Eve, and lo and behold, neither of us was happy with our sexlife. Due to my hip I had extreme difficulty in going upstairs to our bedroom and slept in my recliner in the living room. I didn't make much attempt to go up, because I had mistakenly assumed that she didn't like sex anymore. Wife didn't say anything because she believed I was in too much pain to go upstairs but she would get horny as Hades, and had to take care of the situation on her own. After The Talk, we both realized that our wrong assumptions was the driving force for our sexless marriage, and we took steps to deal with our wants and exigencies. By the middle of Feb., 2011, Wife and I had surpassed the "record" of 2010. So it isn't necessarily true that one spouse is getting the exact amount of sex that they want. But in most cases it is. I would say your situation which seems to be simply miscommunication is very rare. Generally speaking one person offers precisely the amount of sex that is perfect for them and no more.
|
|
|
Post by csl on Apr 13, 2019 13:17:11 GMT -5
As might be expected, I am going to dispute that, and that is based on our own history. I tell the story on my blog, but basically, for Wife and I, 2010 was clinically sexless, at 11 times in 12 months. We "had The Talk" New Year's Eve, and lo and behold, neither of us was happy with our sexlife. Due to my hip I had extreme difficulty in going upstairs to our bedroom and slept in my recliner in the living room. I didn't make much attempt to go up, because I had mistakenly assumed that she didn't like sex anymore. Wife didn't say anything because she believed I was in too much pain to go upstairs but she would get horny as Hades, and had to take care of the situation on her own. After The Talk, we both realized that our wrong assumptions was the driving force for our sexless marriage, and we took steps to deal with our wants and exigencies. By the middle of Feb., 2011, Wife and I had surpassed the "record" of 2010. So it isn't necessarily true that one spouse is getting the exact amount of sex that they want. But in most cases it is. I would say your situation which seems to be simply miscommunication is very rare. Generally speaking one person offers precisely the amount of sex that is perfect for them and no more. I am going to disagree with that, as well. Keep in mind that ILIASM is akin to a hospice, not a hospital. There is a greater world out there than ILIASM, and marriages in which both husband and wife are willing to work on the marriage. I've come to see that ILIASM is its own bubble.
|
|
|
Post by rejected101 on Apr 13, 2019 13:41:20 GMT -5
But in most cases it is. I would say your situation which seems to be simply miscommunication is very rare. Generally speaking one person offers precisely the amount of sex that is perfect for them and no more. I am going to disagree with that, as well. Keep in mind that ILIASM is akin to a hospice, not a hospital. There is a greater world out there than ILIASM, and marriages in which both husband and wife are willing to work on the marriage. I've come to see that ILIASM is its own bubble. I think we’ll have to agree to disagree as I don’t share your view. If better communication commonly resulted in the realisation that both parties wanted sex or more sex and there was something fairly simple that prevented it, life would be very easy. Indeed I would guess that the people on here are here because they have tried almost everything without success and feel strongly enough to have done more research than others have. ILIASM may very well be it’s own little bubble but if what you say happened for you was anything but extremely rare, it would come up more often on here. There would be a bubble within the bubble but there is not. I came here from a website called the omg chronicles when I read a post called “cheat, divorce or suffer” and it’s the only post that has continually grown with a mass of people in desperate need of some answers. The only post where people bring the same story to the table. The sex stopped and I’ve tried everything.... I’ll hazard a wild guess that your own experience of massive improvement was not one that has continued indefinitely i.e. you had more sex in the first quarter of 2011 than the whole of the previous year. That’s because of what often happens and is commonly discussed on here. People make an effort for a short period of time to protect their interests before returning to **their** comfort zone.
|
|