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Post by northstarmom on Jan 12, 2019 19:38:29 GMT -5
nyctos said: "I suspect he's at the very least ashamed by his performance and it wouldn't take much to make him feel emasculated. And that he might be gay, and in the closet even to himself."
So, what keeps you expecting and wanting to have sex with him?
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Post by baza on Jan 12, 2019 21:50:48 GMT -5
It doesn't matter a rats arse "why" he is as he is. All that matters is that he IS as he is. And that is entirely on him, not you.
What IS on you is the call as to whether you are going to stay in the sub-optimal situation or not.
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Post by tirefire on Jan 13, 2019 9:19:42 GMT -5
I don't have any animals but I think I'd be seeing red watching an animal get all the affection that I was not getting. I'm sure he has some positive qualities but you have every right to feel anger and lots of it.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 13, 2019 13:50:29 GMT -5
I suspect he's at the very least ashamed by his performance and it wouldn't take much to make him feel emasculated. And that he might be gay, and in the closet even to himself. Why do you think that? People who are gay often marry thinking that it will all "work out". For ballofconfusion this act played out for 25 years. Only when the marriage became unbearable did he "realize" he was gay. Even in 2019 coming out isn't easy. While I have no problem with gay folks, they definitely have a tougher road to follow. Much easier if they can "camouflage" themselves. Of course to do this they have to sacrifice someone else's chance at happiness. But some people are just like that.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2019 14:37:03 GMT -5
I have been around LL and ILIASM-type forums for many years. There is a tendency of the HL's to project their HL-ness onto their LL partner while they are chasing whys. I can't count the number of times that someone commented, "They're getting some on the side, that's why they don't have sex with you" or similarly, "They're gay". The odds are that they're just LL or asexual or the relationship is f-ed up.
Don't chase the whys too long. As we say in the upper Midwest, "It is what it is."
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Post by Handy on Jan 13, 2019 18:36:31 GMT -5
Tooyoung.... Don't chase the whys too long. As we say in the upper Midwest, "It is what it is."This is so true. Even if and that is a big "IF" you do find an or some answers not much changes for the refused partner.
In addition, most times I believe the answers are a bit of this and that and not one simple answer.
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Post by warmways on Jan 13, 2019 22:46:25 GMT -5
I’m really sorry. My husband did the same things with the cats and then when we got a dog he was 100% loving and affectionate with all three of them but ignored me. It took me years but i finally got out. Same thing when I was sick. He stayed with me but paced up and down about three feet from my bed refusing to give physical touch. It’s so painful. You’ll be able to get out when you’re able. Good luck.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 14, 2019 11:38:21 GMT -5
I’m really sorry. My husband did the same things with the cats and then when we got a dog he was 100% loving and affectionate with all three of them but ignored me. It took me years but i finally got out. Same thing when I was sick. He stayed with me but paced up and down about three feet from my bed refusing to give physical touch. It’s so painful. You’ll be able to get out when you’re able. Good luck. You would think your STBX could learn a few "pointers" from the dog or cats? Why does he like the dog so much? because it's so easy! The dog comes to him first, the dog cuddles him, with just the slightest touch the dog is submissive, rolling over, giving him the belly... etc.. Our sexless spouses love to take , take , take, and give next to nothing in return, and expect the loyalty of a dog given back to them. Even the dogs and cats wise up eventually, and begin to distance themselves from these takers.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 17, 2019 17:53:23 GMT -5
Its obvious that your husband has some kind of mental barriers around being physical. That said he is obviously unwilling to seek help or attempt to address these issues. The question for you is how much are you willing crap are you willing to take from him?
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