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Post by northstarmom on Nov 2, 2018 8:49:47 GMT -5
Why I referred to men’s misinterpreting women’s smiles:: “Many women know that men sometimes mistake friendliness—say, smiling and eye contact—for sexual interest. Psychological research has long backed up their experience. A new study appearing in the April issue of the journal Psychological Science is no exception. It found that college-age heterosexual men who viewed images of women misidentified their body language and facial expressions as sexually suggestive 12 percent of the time. Women made the same mistake only 8.7 percent of the time. These findings are nothing new, but when the researchers ran the second part of the experiment a curious pattern emerged. It turns out the men weren't simply over-sexualizing their social environments, as is popularly thought, but they were interpreting facial expressions and body language wrong altogether.” www.popsci.com/scitech/article/2008-04/science-confirms-obvious-men-mistake-female-friendliness-sexual-interestAnd how many men here have had women overestimate your sexual interest in them?
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 2, 2018 9:01:04 GMT -5
“My plea to women: next time a guy you are interested in seems to be going "a bit slow" (you'd actually like him to show his interest in you if he is interested), please send him a sign -- as plain as possible -- that you are OK with him turning up the flirt. PLEASE consider that the good men are trying to be respectful, and women are not only hard to read but very different from one another. ”
My early signals to post sm lover that I was interested. On our second date, I was deliberately wearing a leopard patterned v neck. He said, “I’m enjoying looking at your cleavage.” I laughed. While I didn’t plan to sleep with him then (and didn’t), I was happy to see he had a libido.
Next signal: second time we kissed, he invited me to his place by saying, “come over to my house. We can get naked but I promise we won’t do anything.” I happily laughed and declined the invitation. He told me later the fact that when I responded with laughter, not by being insulted or prudish, he knew some day we would have sex.
I believe that noticing how a woman responds to sexual innuendo is a good way to measure her sexual interest in you. Hint: if she slaps you or rolls her eyes and leaves, she’s probably not interested.
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Post by Handy on Nov 2, 2018 11:54:18 GMT -5
Dan ......just so you women here know -- men like me hate Assholish Men, too. In part because they generally make women substantially more circumspect about dealing with men, and that makes things MUCH dicier for the good men. (In other part, because no one of either gender should have to suffer assholes of either gender.)
My plea to women: next time a guy you are interested in seems to be going "a bit slow" (you'd actually like him to show his interest in you if he is interested), please send him a sign -- as plain as possible -- that you are OK with him turning up the flirt. PLEASE consider that the good men are trying to be respectful, and women are not only hard to read but very different from one another.
My plea to men: don't be assholes.
My sentiments, exactly.
I want to be respectful and would like the woman to show interest in an obvious way. Reading clues isn't my strong suit.
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Post by sadkat on Nov 2, 2018 17:45:39 GMT -5
I am a smiler- I smile at everyone in greeting. I do it unconsciously. Lots of times I’ll smile instead of saying hello. I have never been treated “assholeishly” (yes, I made a new word) as a result of a smile. Now, I’m not a millennial and I do have a wedding ring on my finger. Perhaps that’s the reason. I do get a lot of doors opened for me though! 😉
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Flirting
Nov 2, 2018 18:49:48 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by flounder on Nov 2, 2018 18:49:48 GMT -5
...or 3) he could just flat out be an asshole. There are plenty of those out there too. Yeah, that was a given. You know, I understand why women hate the fact they there are Assholish Men out there... because they have to deal with them. But -- just so you women here know -- men like me hate Assholish Men, too. In part because they generally make women substantially more circumspect about dealing with men, and that makes things MUCH dicier for the good men. (In other part, because no one of either gender should have to suffer assholes of either gender.) My plea to women: next time a guy you are interested in seems to be going "a bit slow" (you'd actually like him to show his interest in you if he is interested), please send him a sign -- as plain as possible -- that you are OK with him turning up the flirt. PLEASE consider that the good men are trying to be respectful, and women are not only hard to read but very different from one another. My plea to men: don't be assholes. This times a million.
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Post by DryCreek on Nov 2, 2018 19:42:14 GMT -5
I am a smiler- I smile at everyone in greeting. I do it unconsciously. Lots of times I’ll smile instead of saying hello. I have never been treated “assholeishly” (yes, I made a new word) as a result of a smile. Now, I’m not a millennial and I do have a wedding ring on my finger. Perhaps that’s the reason. I do get a lot of doors opened for me though! 😉 Ditto, plus eye contact. I look too intense / pissed off if I don't, so I go out of my way to smile. (Google: RBF.) It's a great icebreaker, and a smile back opens the door to making a pleasant comment, etc.
But as a guy, it gets a rather suspicious reaction in NYC. And on the street in Vegas it attracts a lot of "interesting" women. And does not make women open doors for me - that's a whole other level of game. ;-)
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 2, 2018 20:46:52 GMT -5
I have been married for 20 + years. In the past 15 years we’ve only had sex 5 or 6 times, non in the past 5. We still love each other but there is no intimacy whatsoever. I’ve had sex with 3 women in my life, two high school girlfriends (who pretty much asked me out) and my wife (the only women I’ve ever pursued). I don’t want to divorce or hurt her in any way, but something has to change. Lately I’ve considered outsourcing. My problem is I am completely clueless when it comes to ladies flirting, I’m talking oblivious people. Don’t get me wrong, I love women of all types, and I am a nice, polite person. I don’t think I’m horribly unattractive. I don’t even wear a ring because being a mechanic I have had to cut two of them off my finger after smashing them. Can anybody help me here, any advice, what am I missing? Not quite sure what help,advice or testimony you are looking for? My guess is this. You sound like I was after 20 yrs .into my marriage. So accustomed to the "I'm married" mindset that when and if a woman had 'flirted' with me, I was totally unaware of it! That false sense of comfort that comes with the protective 'marriage wall'. And, (dare I say it) the brainwashing that occured " no one's interested in me, anyways". There are actually people who find the notion of even considering outsourcing scary, due to the decades of lack of experience and the years of avoiding the "FOG Fear, Obligation Guilt" along with never being anywhere around others who you could even begin to trust with such a question? Also the big fear of being rejected all over again." I really am not desirable. I am going to say and do all the wrong things. It's been 20+ years and it's now 2018 I know nothing about how to outsource in today's world" Sadly these are all reasons why the SM continues till death. Then there's the media image of " everyone cheats, I can get sex anywhere, anytime i want it" ....Really? Not for the person with so much to risk, and years and years of mental ( self doubting) hurdles to overcome.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 2, 2018 21:44:05 GMT -5
All this talk of 'flirting' brings to mind an experience, 10 yrs ago.
I worked part time at a Church day care. There was one day a week when we had a program called M.O.P.S. ( Mothers Of Pre Schoolers) I was the only male in the one year old room with two to three other female employees ( all married woman close to my age). WE had a new employee, after her 2nd or 3rd week with us, she one day opened up about her 'marital problems'. That's ALL they where to me, "her problems". ( I had never even heard the notion SM before, while I was years into it)
Myself and the other woman I worked with did what a good, caring, giving person would do. WE listened, and we offered her encouragement, friendship and support. That made her thankful, and emotional. The three of us had a group hug, and over all a really fun time. One of the most energetic, happiest times ,in a while with what seemed to be the right three or 4 people to be handling 26 one year olds.
The next week the new employee was put in another classroom. I found out ,she was upset, and not happy about the change. I wanted to know how she was doing? Not just in the other classroom but her marriage? Why couldn't she be in our room? We all enjoyed each other as employees, I had been working with the other women for years. I knew they would be good people for her, what was the problem?
I finally got told by one of the higher ups ( a man) " she likes you. She was flirting with you, a lot. We are afraid she will be coming on to you , and you won't realize it but the others see it,, because of the troubles she is having in her marriage. You may think you will be helping her, by being a friend, but you won't. She's better off to be with the older woman. It was done for your own protection, and for hers".
Flirting, can cover a wide spectrum of definitions. Being mr " faithful, married,family man" it went right over my head!
The only 'flirting' I could even think of ,back then, was the women had to bend over a lot picking up the children, this happened in front of me, often. I never thought of it as 'flirting', my mind stayed pure and focused. We ( me and the women) sat and layed on the floor together with the children. Not the most 'ladylike' positions. Little one year olds grab your shirts, they pull on them, they put their hands down your clothes, they drool on you, etc.. I was constantly being handed one year olds, sometimes 3 at a time. I was given the 'problem' ones. The ones that needed the most constant carrying. Lots of contact near your waist and chest. I handed off babies back to all the moms. I actually was the one with the most experience, years of volunteering there and 4 babies of my own! All part of making it through the day.
Now come full circle. How much 'flirting' happens now and I still don't even know it?
When I use the term " all new ground" it pertains to doing the flirting, asking, inviting, leading, pursuing, calling, planning, follow up, etc... in the dating world.
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Flirting
Nov 2, 2018 22:17:48 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by flounder on Nov 2, 2018 22:17:48 GMT -5
I have been married for 20 + years. In the past 15 years we’ve only had sex 5 or 6 times, non in the past 5. We still love each other but there is no intimacy whatsoever. I’ve had sex with 3 women in my life, two high school girlfriends (who pretty much asked me out) and my wife (the only women I’ve ever pursued). I don’t want to divorce or hurt her in any way, but something has to change. Lately I’ve considered outsourcing. My problem is I am completely clueless when it comes to ladies flirting, I’m talking oblivious people. Don’t get me wrong, I love women of all types, and I am a nice, polite person. I don’t think I’m horribly unattractive. I don’t even wear a ring because being a mechanic I have had to cut two of them off my finger after smashing them. Can anybody help me here, any advice, what am I missing? Not quite sure what help,advice or testimony you are looking for? My guess is this. You sound like I was after 20 yrs .into my marriage. So accustomed to the "I'm married" mindset that when and if a woman had 'flirted' with me, I was totally unaware of it! That false sense of comfort that comes with the protective 'marriage wall'. And, (dare I say it) the brainwashing that occured " no one's interested in me, anyways". There are actually people who find the notion of even considering outsourcing scary, due to the decades of lack of experience and the years of avoiding the "FOG Fear, Obligation Guilt" along with never being anywhere around others who you could even begin to trust with such a question? Also the big fear of being rejected all over again." I really am not desirable. I am going to say and do all the wrong things. It's been 20+ years and it's now 2018 I no nothing about how to outsource" Sadly these are all reasons why the SM continues till death. Then there's the media image of " everyone cheats, I can get sex anywhere, anytime i want it" Really? Not for the person with so much to risk, and years and years of mental ( self doubting) hurdles to overcome. [ Nail on the head GC.
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Post by choosinghappy on Nov 3, 2018 6:49:05 GMT -5
I am a smiler- I smile at everyone in greeting. I do it unconsciously. Lots of times I’ll smile instead of saying hello. I have never been treated “assholeishly” (yes, I made a new word) as a result of a smile. Now, I’m not a millennial and I do have a wedding ring on my finger. Perhaps that’s the reason. I do get a lot of doors opened for me though! 😉 Ditto. (Minus the ring.) And hell yeah I flirt a little sometimes, why not? It makes me feel good and I assume them as well. Just one of the things that makes life fun.
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Post by solodriver on Nov 3, 2018 11:45:23 GMT -5
choosinghappy, how do you flirt with them?
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Post by isthisit on Nov 3, 2018 14:46:48 GMT -5
I couldn't flirt if my life depended on it. Never could. Not in my teens and twenties when I should have been doing it, so I don't fancy my chances in my forties. The more I am attracted to someone the less equipped I am to communicate who I am, let alone interest. Damn, I'm going to be on my own forever!
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Flirting
Nov 3, 2018 16:41:01 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by northstarmom on Nov 3, 2018 16:41:01 GMT -5
Could someone explain to me the difference between flirting and conversing with someone? To me, having a friendly conversation with someone of the gender one is attracted to is just s friendly conversation unless one deliberately does things to inspire or demonstrate sexual interest.
I have conversations a lot with people and ask them about their travels, aspirations, hobbies, etc. I don’t consider that flirting, just being charming and nice nor do I consider such conversations hard to do. They are fun and make a day more pleasant. However, from what some have said here I’m wondering if some people regard any non business conversations with a person of the opposite sex to be flirting.
Flirting to me is complementing a person on their body, touching them, doing things to oneself (changing the timber of your voice, fiddling with one’s hair, gazing into their eyes then looking away, bending over to reveal cleavage or hikining one’s skirt up) that causes them to notice one’s body.
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Post by choosinghappy on Nov 3, 2018 19:52:18 GMT -5
Could someone explain to me the difference between flirting and conversing with someone? To me, having a friendly conversation with someone of the gender one is attracted to is just s friendly conversation unless one deliberately does things to inspire or demonstrate sexual interest. I have conversations a lot with people and ask them about their travels, aspirations, hobbies, etc. I don’t consider that flirting, just being charming and nice nor do I consider such conversations hard to do. They are fun and make a day more pleasant. However, from what some have said here I’m wondering if some people regard any non business conversations with a person of the opposite sex to be flirting. Flirting to me is complementing a person on their body, touching them, doing things to oneself (changing the timber of your voice, fiddling with one’s hair, gazing into their eyes then looking away, bending over to reveal cleavage or hikining one’s skirt up) that causes them to notice one’s body. No, that last paragraph is not what I do. None of that. I don’t need to do any of that stuff to flirt, I just am friendly, pay attention to them, smile and usually say something amusing/cheeky/sassy. I’m not sexual about it. But I can tell by the reaction that they take notice. Laughing, eyes twinkling, making an excuse to talk to me again... I can tell it makes us both feel good. Then I go on my merry way.
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Post by Handy on Nov 3, 2018 22:26:21 GMT -5
choosinghappy Then I go on my merry way.
So, you are a teaser. Get the guy's hopes up then disappear.
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