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Post by baza on Oct 28, 2018 21:43:55 GMT -5
This reads - to me - like "if I can afford to be picky I will be, but if I can't afford to be then I won't be picky". I have perhaps read this wrong. I think it is incumbent on you to have a consistent 'standard' of "pickiness" Brother greatcoastal . Your core values are your core values. People either meet them, or they don't....irrespective of whether you meet them on meetup...or on eharmony or plentyoffish or your local church group or in the pits at the Indianapolis 500. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 28, 2018 22:20:30 GMT -5
“To answer your fine question ( even if it is off topic) I want a relationship that also provides hooking up. I don't want a hookup that doesn't provide a relationship. ( Those are the woman I am attempting to reach out to)” “Hooking up” to me means very casual sex. Indeed, I don’t think it’s a term used by people 40 and older and using it may give prospective partners the wrong idea. To me, having a real FWB means having a friend- someone whom one knows reasonably well and can share some emotional intimacies with -. Whom one also shares sexual intimacies with. By contrast, to me, “hooking up” means just getting laid. An example would be meeting a stranger at a bar, having superficial conversation and then fucking them that night. One would have gotten off but had no emotional connection. I have never wanted that kind of sex nor have had it. Everything you have written, GC, indicates that’s not what you want either. So, my suggestion is to remove the cold term , “hooking up” from your vocabulary when it comes to saying what you want. I suspect that what you want to find is a monogamous emotionally and sexually intimate relationship with a person whom you consider at the least to be a friend. You like the woman. You have things in common. You know her well enough to trust her. You’ve seen how she is when stressed and she’s still a person whom you are comfortable being with. For instance, when stressed, she may cry or need more alone time but she doesn’t emotionally, verbally or physically abuse you or project blame on you. You sexually desire her. She sexually desires you. You enjoy each other’s company and enjoy lovemaking. Your lives fit well together including when it comes to your children. Finding such a person and establishing such a relationship will take time. You can help things along by saying in your profile and on your first date that what you are looking for is an emotionally and physically intimate relationship with a person whom you’ve gotten to know well enough to consider them to be a friend. This will immediately tell sexually averse women and the women who want to get immediately laid that you are not for them. What do you think? I just wanted to "check in" I've been under the weather this weekend. There's a lot of good positives here and I want to expound upon them later. I thank you for that! I would like to say that the term "hooking up" is NOT in my vocabulary. I went back and reviewed the last 2 months of my posts and I found it. It was part of the description of passion.com being a dating site and a hook up sight. There are several abbreviations and "vocabulary" you use when you are writing posts and threads about your experience on a dating sight. Words that are used on these sights, that you would find yourself never saying. So it really isn't a problem. My recent use of the word "hooking up" was my response to shamwow@ using his same wording. (no offense or problem with it on my part) I did find myself today with an opportunity to meet a woman who I know little about. My friend is wanting to match us together. We have both spoken to each other with a very brief conversation. One day I was dropping my friend off at his home and taking his bike out of the back of my car. He shares a house with an elderly woman. We have spoken many times and she was up on the roof fixing it. I said hello to her, and soon realized it wasn't her, it was her daughter ,who happens to be very close to my age. I have never seen her daughter before . Well, honestly what I saw of her and remember about her was her legs! She was sitting on the edge of the roof with her legs hanging off the roof. Speaking to me in the Florida summer heat. She was wearing some pretty short, shorts! My friend was telling me all about her this weekend, how long she is visiting, her house in Colorado, that her house is for sale, she is divorced, her political views etc.... All well and good. Then my friend said " you two could hit it off and have a quick fling together, she is going back home in a few weeks". Well all I heard was "have a quick fling together" and I responded, "I want to meet the person, I want to be able to relate with her first. I'm really not interested in someone who saw me from the roof and wants to have sex". He went on to say, "she remembers you, and wants to meet you. I told her a lot about you, and she is interested in getting together." That sounded better. That helped me know more of where I am at. My mind is still wondering the "why" from my last date. I still reflect on the hours of time relating so evenly on so many important topics. ( I really liked the person) One thing just easily led to another. She even showed me her paintings, I thought I had a paint partner! Then another hour in the parking lot relating about our past experience and how better things could and will be, due to our goals and what we both have learned from the past. Then came the ghosting. All part of the experience. |
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Post by WindSister on Oct 28, 2018 22:24:33 GMT -5
Yup. All part of the experience.
And then one day it clicks with the right person and you go, "oh... this is why the others didn't work out."
At least, it happened that way for me.
Good luck, have fun, keep on keeping on!
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 28, 2018 22:46:08 GMT -5
This reads - to me - like "if I can afford to be picky I will be, but if I can't afford to be then I won't be picky". I have perhaps read this wrong. I think it is incumbent on you to have a consistent 'standard' of "pickiness" Brother greatcoastal . Your core values are your core values. People either meet them, or they don't....irrespective of whether you meet them on meetup...or on eharmony or plentyoffish or your local church group or in the pits at the Indianapolis 500. Here is a knee jerk reaction to that (it's getting late here in Florida) I might want to reword, or change what i say later. There's two parts to standards and pickiness. There's the physical. Most often that comes first. Online or meeting in person there is the visual. Then there is getting to know the person inside. Like my experiences when I go to a meetup group at a local bar for a table together. There are eight ladies , myself, and one other man. We all go down stairs to dance. I can be picky. What do I have to go on? Physical appearance ( and how well they can dance). I get to do more of the pursuing by my actions and words. The getting to know the person inside happens more online. Your words, and questions show each other your core values, and standards. So I feel less selective. Most of the time the control of how much farther things go is in the hands of the woman . if she wants to pursue things further all through turning words into actions, " I would like to meet with you" |
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