endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Oct 26, 2018 13:39:10 GMT -5
...and couldn't do another day.
I'm not sure if there is even a point to this post.
I tried leaving a few times over the last decade, each time something (real or imagined?) Got in the way. Cancer, credit crunch, other stuff.
Recently I have been planning, yet again, on the best way to leave. Do this, do that, exit strategy, blah blah.
It was a Tuesday, I woke on the sofa, again. But, this Tuesday, I simply couldn't do another day. I have no better way to describe it.
Maybe I ran out of excuses?
I had no concrete plan, no ducks in a row, no funds stashed away.
This time, she CAN SEE the difference in me. No amount of negotiation, no amount of pleading, explaining, crying, putting herself as victim, aggressor or any other tactic worked.
I feel there is a difference when one literally can't do another day.
I am free.
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Post by h on Oct 26, 2018 13:47:24 GMT -5
On the bright side, you can honestly say that you have clarity and that can drive you towards resolution.
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Post by jim44444 on Oct 26, 2018 13:57:43 GMT -5
Then the time to start is now.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 26, 2018 14:08:04 GMT -5
Six years ago, I woke up and realized that I had had it with my h of 33 years. I e-mailed him that i wanted a divorce. And then I found lawyers to consult with . Unlike most on this site, I hadn't the benefit of this site or its precursor EP before I decided to divorce. I didn't find EP until a week or so after my divorce. Otherwise, I would have consulted with a lawyer first, but things still worked out for me fine.
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Post by shamwow on Oct 26, 2018 15:48:26 GMT -5
...and couldn't do another day. I'm not sure if there is even a point to this post. I tried leaving a few times over the last decade, each time something (real or imagined?) Got in the way. Cancer, credit crunch, other stuff. Recently I have been planning, yet again, on the best way to leave. Do this, do that, exit strategy, blah blah. It was a Tuesday, I woke on the sofa, again. But, this Tuesday, I simply couldn't do another day. I have no better way to describe it. Maybe I ran out of excuses? I had no concrete plan, no ducks in a row, no funds stashed away. This time, she CAN SEE the difference in me. No amount of negotiation, no amount of pleading, explaining, crying, putting herself as victim, aggressor or any other tactic worked. I feel there is a difference when one literally can't do another day. I am free. I believe I've stated this elsewhere, but people tend to WAY overestimate their breaking point. That being said, it's still possible to have had enough and get a plan together. Get all your financials together. If you have kids, make sure you're active in their lives. Talk to a lawyer. Shore up a support network. Hell, you can take real steps on all of those in two weeks. It has a tendency to work itself out.
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Post by workingonit on Oct 26, 2018 15:56:38 GMT -5
Wow. Huge. Sounds like you are honoring yourself and your needs. Beautiful.
Best of luck. Keep posting here. Support is pretty readily available when you need it and venting will likely be useful.
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endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Oct 26, 2018 16:42:22 GMT -5
Thanks for the comments all.
This isn't about ducks in a row, practical issues, being there for kids or lawyers or anything like that.
Ultimately leaving, and saying it to one's partner, and acting upon it, purely comes down to loving yourself enough to act, respecting yourself enough to stop taking shit and being brave enough to hope for a better future. I can't talk for others, but I feel worries about practical issues fall away when your heart and soul shout loud enough.
Maybe I'm wrong, who knows. After being on this board and it's predecessor EP for way too long I see the repetition of FOG thinking dressed up as 'reason' story after story after story. I was the same.
I simply had enough. Enough of it all, the FOG, the neglect, the solitary life. A good friend asked me "When will you love yourself enough to leave?" In the end it was very simple - Next Tuesday
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Post by shamwow on Oct 26, 2018 17:19:36 GMT -5
Thanks for the comments all. This isn't about ducks in a row, practical issues, being there for kids or lawyers or anything like that. Ultimately leaving, and saying it to one's partner, and acting upon it, purely comes down to loving yourself enough to act, respecting yourself enough to stop taking shit and being brave enough to hope for a better future. I can't talk for others, but I feel worries about practical issues fall away when your heart and soul shout loud enough. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows. After being on this board and it's predecessor EP for way too long I see the repetition of FOG thinking dressed up as 'reason' story after story after story. I was the same. I simply had enough. Enough of it all, the FOG, the neglect, the solitary life. A good friend asked me "When will you love yourself enough to leave?" In the end it was very simple - Next Tuesday So you love yourself enough to leave. That's a huge step. Do you love yourself enough to not shoot yourself in the foot on the way out? Huge steps can be made even more difficult if you're bleeding from self inflicted wounds.
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endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Oct 26, 2018 17:26:10 GMT -5
The benefits of failing to leave twice is by the third time, by default, I have a lot of ducks, and lawyers. I even have lawyers dressed as ducks.
The difference between this time and last time is I have fuck all for her to take from me, lol. Looking at this optimistically, it's a win win!
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Post by shamwow on Oct 26, 2018 17:29:27 GMT -5
The benefits of failing to leave twice is by the third time, by default, I have a lot of ducks, and lawyers. I even have lawyers dressed as ducks. The difference between this time and last time is I have fuck all for her to take from me, lol. Looking at this optimistically, it's a win win! Fair enough. Your original post sounded like you were at the "I'm out now even though I have no planning done" stage. If you've done your homework and have thought this through then godspeed.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 26, 2018 17:35:24 GMT -5
Fly, you fools!
-Gandalf
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2018 21:00:21 GMT -5
A good friend asked me "When will you love yourself enough to leave?" In the end it was very simple - Next Tuesday Ooh-I’m excited for you EtG!! Game over! What happens next Tuesday? Inquiring minds demand to know!
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Post by elkclan2 on Oct 27, 2018 4:32:30 GMT -5
Yay!
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endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Oct 27, 2018 6:17:25 GMT -5
Next Tuesday, that's my bar writing causing confusion.
I'll start on Monday. Last Monday. I was talking to my god friend, my best friend, on the phone. My friend asked when will I love myself to leave. I didn't have an answer.
I woke up last Tuesday, and said I'm leaving. Plans are being made as I type.
Next Tuesday I will go to work, happier than last Tuesday.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 27, 2018 8:55:02 GMT -5
This is the real deal. It’s an inner experience that I can’t sum up in just a few words. It is the answer to the question: When do you know it’s over? I don’t know how we know, but when it’s done, this thing happens inside our own thinking- and we are done. We’re finished trying, done justifying their poor treatment of us, sick of staying in a place that we are not valued. You know when you know. endthegame - I agree that certain problems and worries just fall away. I didn’t have any “magically more” money than when I worried about finances. But I knew that I’m a grown up and I could figure it out. I talked to the lawyer before vacating the premises, but a lot of things I just figured out after getting my apartment. My thinking was even clearer after I left, making certain decisions even easier to make. Congrats on clarity, brother. Godspeed.
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