gashino
New Member
Posts: 10
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by gashino on Sept 14, 2018 23:14:23 GMT -5
That’s a lot to be going through. I hope it all works out for balls of confusion and the children.
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Post by thebaffledking on Sept 15, 2018 9:35:23 GMT -5
baza , you've been here like 60 years. Have you ever heard of anyone here or on EP who had a spouse, stbx, or ex come out of the closet? I am not baza, but my father's gay. One of the best lines from Seinfeld, but also true life for me. He divorced my mom when I was around 19 or 20 and almost immediately was living with a male partner. He is now married to his partner and they are the coolest guys ever - tons of fun, love visiting them. That's neither here nor there, though. The point is, my father's gay. He's 82 now. I don't think my mom has ever fully recovered, though she did remarry.
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Post by hopingforachange on Sept 15, 2018 10:28:06 GMT -5
It sounds like boc has leverage to move the process along quicker.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 15, 2018 11:37:44 GMT -5
My ex will most likely never admit to herself that she is assexual/greysexual or gay. However what is "comforting" for me lately is to have my teenage daughters encourage me to " start dating" meanwhile they say this about their mom " mom doesn't even know how to like a man". So, they see it and understand it. You,BOC can use it as reinforcement ( confirmation) for your decision to leave and press forward, for a better example of what a loving, healthy relationship ought to be. Someday your family will thank you for it!
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Post by elkclan2 on Sept 15, 2018 13:17:06 GMT -5
Personally, for me, homophobia is one of my 'no go' areas - so I'd be really careful about 'outing' and suchlike. Obviously the guy is complete tool and piece of work, so in that sense his exposure to young people is questionable. But the gay bit, to me, doesn't matter in terms of employment. Though I know it's a Catholic school and they may feel differently. I completely agree with greatcoastal advice to tell the lawyer for all the reasons he suggested. And this IS hearsay. But it's hearsay the lawyer needs to know. And while I'm against the idea of outing him both for moral and practical reasons - a careful threat along those lines could well be advantageous. None of this addresses the emotional 'whammy' of realising - 'so that's it' - most of the people here whose partners allege sexual abuse...well, I'm not so sure (doesn't mean I think they're lying or not - I think they could even believe it and sometimes it must also be true). Even if you know in retrospect the marriage was shit, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt that your partner lied to you all those years and blamed you for the sexual problems when really it was them. And yes, this does happen to other people. And there are certainly people on the old forum that I thought it was really likely. Heck, there was even a lesbian couple where I said to the refused - I'm really sorry, but I think your wife is straight - she's with you because she loves you and you're kind to her kids and she doesn't want to be with a man because of how abusive her ex was. But she is never gonna wanna fuck you.
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Post by shamwow on Sept 15, 2018 15:52:26 GMT -5
baza , you've been here like 60 years. Have you ever heard of anyone here or on EP who had a spouse, stbx, or ex come out of the closet? I am not baza, but my father's gay. One of the best lines from Seinfeld, but also true life for me. He divorced my mom when I was around 19 or 20 and almost immediately was living with a male partner. He is now married to his partner and they are the coolest guys ever - tons of fun, love visiting them. That's neither here nor there, though. The point is, my father's gay. He's 82 now. I don't think my mom has ever fully recovered, though she did remarry. I'd be interested at how you digested and processed it when your dad so radically changed his lifestyle.
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Post by thebaffledking on Sept 15, 2018 17:41:07 GMT -5
Shammy, I was already checked out anyway....was going to school out on the west coast, all my friends out there, etc etc.....so I was 'distant' from the day-by-day unraveling happening in the upper midwest. You just adapt to whatever. Peoples' shit, even direct family shit, is honestly none of our business. The pain comes from trying to MAKE IT our business. Live and let live, man. Best philosophy ever created (probably by Siddartha).
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Post by shamwow on Sept 15, 2018 19:19:28 GMT -5
Shammy, I was already checked out anyway....was going to school out on the west coast, all my friends out there, etc etc.....so I was 'distant' from the day-by-day unraveling happening in the upper midwest. You just adapt to whatever. Peoples' shit, even direct family shit, is honestly none of our business. The pain comes from trying to MAKE IT our business. Live and let live, man. Best philosophy ever created (probably by Siddartha). The reason I ask is because BOCs kids are in that college range except for the seventeen year old daughter. Good to know.
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Post by thebaffledking on Sept 15, 2018 21:00:39 GMT -5
IMHO, they are SO busy and surrounded by fun and activity and countless others whose parents are divorced.......and nowadays the whole 'gay' thing is such a non-issue for most people........it hardly registers a blip these days. That's my experience. ballofconfusion, it's going to go much better than you expect, I almost guarantee it.
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Post by h on Sept 16, 2018 4:57:52 GMT -5
It sounds like boc has leverage to move the process along quicker. That is a great idea! You don't have to out him at all. All you have to do is hint to him that if he doesn't move forward with the divorce in a timely fashion, the information could somehow be leaked to his school and church... It may make him a little easier to work with shamwow and ballofconfusion
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Post by shamwow on Sept 16, 2018 8:04:44 GMT -5
It sounds like boc has leverage to move the process along quicker. That is a great idea! You don't have to out him at all. All you have to do is hint to him that if he doesn't move forward with the divorce in a timely fashion, the information could somehow be leaked to his school and church... It may make him a little easier to work with shamwow and ballofconfusionUnfortunately, it will likely work the opposite from that. He is completely self absorbed and focused on discovering his new identity in the gay community. He is considering TELLING the school himself. The church and the school he is principal at in particular wishes to avoid scandal at all cost. His current plan appears to be to find another job. As a principal this job would start next July. He would then tell his current school he is gay and will be leaving next year. Hell, he may even tell them that he has a live in boyfriend who is staying at his work-provided housing. The church will likely try to avoid controversy and not fire him mid year. Remember this is the same parish who ran BOC off because of the "scandal" of her getting divorced. After she left, they had to hire two full time people to do the job she was doing part time. He can then tell his new school that he had to do the right thing and leave because he had discovered he was gay. He looks like a man of principles. His daughter's tuition? Whatever. His gold plated medical insurance that has saved the life of his son who has cancer? Whatever. This guy is a HUGE narcissist and is shockingly good at manipulating people - particular BOC. Unfortunately for him, he never counted on me being in the equation. He counted on running over BOC during the divorce. If I had an X-Man mutant power, it would be spreadsheets. Earlier this year, he agreed to talk with me directly rather than run up legal bills. I have been slowly and methodically working with BOC's attorney to ever so gently slip a noose around this fucker's neck. Now that the next hearing isn't until next January, I'm yanking that noose tight. I'm going to make sure this literal cocksucker gets nailed to the wall. Since the divorce won't finalize until after January 1, I am taking advantage of the new tax law that makes spousal support taxable to him, not BOC. That will cost him tens of thousands of dollars. He has a trust fund that he received with assets totalling over $570k. He has claimed in court documents that it was all spent on the family. I have pulled bank records since 2011 and can account for less than half of that. I have a strong case he co-mingled the funds which means they are no longer protected. I am going to use that to get the records and either find the money or discover what he spent it on. If he lied, California precedent may entitle BOC to everything. He dumped his daughter on BOC so he have his new barely out of teen years boyfriend live with him. Well he didn't factor in that 90/10 custody will cost him over $700 a month more in child support than 50/50. That one is a slam dunk with the court. He then told the daughter that I said he was a terrible father. She told her dad that didn't sound like something I would say. BOC asked her daughter if she would like to read my email. Her daughter said yes. In the email I emphatically state that BOC (my opinion doesn't even factor in here) would like him to spend as much time with his daughter as he can. Daughter nodded and said she understood. Then said how excited she was for me to take her driving next week. When the marriage was going downhill fast 2 years ago he took out 45k in student loans in BOC name and then hid them from her. After they were separated he went into the account and changed the postal address so that it would be undeliverable and so that statements would go to him. He also took distributions from the kids college loans and swept them directly into his own trust fund. He then "loaned" the kids the money and had the kids partially pay him back on a debt the kids actually owe to the federal loan agencies. This is also included as a community debt in the divorce proceedings. This is criminal fraud. All of this? This, my friends, is leverage. I don't care if this guy prefers tacos or sausage. He is a disgrace of a human being. He knew BOC was not savvy in these areas and before I began to help her it looked as though he was going to run her into bankruptcy. I am this fucker's worst nightmare. It has taken a year to turn the tables on this asshole, but yes, we do have leverage. But the lesson for everyone else here is that BOC does not get MORAL leverage here in the eyes of society. Nobody is condemning this man for his moral failings as a husband, father, or as a man. Our society doesn't condemn people for their behavior anymore. No matter how grevious. Indeed, he has spun his story to be the victim. If you are in a SM and looking for the satisfaction of the world condemning your spouse then you will be disappointed. Nobody condemned my bait and switch ex. Nobody cared. Not their business. No. The lesson here is that if you want justice for your SM and you have been truly wronged, then see an attorney to see how things will shake out. I'm just doing a lot of the legwork to save money. But it is BOC's attorneys who will be the one who will truly be able to use leverage.
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Post by choosinghappy on Sept 16, 2018 8:14:17 GMT -5
Wow. Shitbag.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2018 9:20:44 GMT -5
shamwow, perhaps you don't have leverage against the asshole, but you do have leverage against the parish. If they are so concerned about this news getting out, let them know that the news that they give a sweetheart deal to a man who hypocritically railed against gays while they fire ballofconfusion for divorcing him will be hugely embarrassing. Newspapers love that shit. No lawsuit needed, the threat should at least let them pony up to make up for her lost salary until she finds something comparable.
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Post by solodriver on Sept 16, 2018 9:39:44 GMT -5
Wow what a piece of work.
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Post by workingonit on Sept 16, 2018 9:53:17 GMT -5
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