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Post by solodriver on Aug 13, 2018 8:33:31 GMT -5
JMX, huge hug!!
I got there myself this past summer. I'm tired of being miserable day after day and so horny and touch deprived and wanting to be with someone to love and enjoy life with.
I started my countdown in July. But I do have to make my finances work or it won't happen Divorce costs a lot of money. But when I finally get the chance to be with someone and we're sharing beautiful lovemaking. IT WILL BE WORTH IT!!
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Post by workingonit on Aug 13, 2018 9:34:00 GMT -5
JMX sister! Preach it! I am so there with you. When my hormones are in the swing of the moon my thoughts and food intake get wild. Last month I was pretty sure I needed to get my clitoral hood pierced (I have not). I also will literally feel like I cannot live in this marriage another second. One day this summer I just walked out my front door and walked for roughly 3 hours, just needing to feel like I am capable of MOVEMENT. Hugs to you sister. Keep posting. We are here!
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Post by ironhamster on Aug 13, 2018 10:51:30 GMT -5
Regarding the "Baz1 solution", I wish I had not been so damned good at managing the problems I knew. JMX, welcome to the other half of the club.
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Post by JMX on Aug 13, 2018 12:52:36 GMT -5
Regarding the "Baz1 solution", I wish I had not been so damned good at managing the problems I knew. JMX, welcome to the other half of the club. Unfortunately, I know that this too will pass - and then I will be firmly in both camps again.
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Post by flounder on Aug 13, 2018 12:59:09 GMT -5
You are -- quite possibly -- right. I know -- we all know -- how hard it is. Sending big hugs. (... preferably with you standing, and me sitting in a chair, so I get a bit of that tit-action... ) Don’t tempt me. If memory serves, I can probably get to you in about 12 hours - just to rub my boobs in your face. Go,Dan,go !
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Post by JMX on Aug 13, 2018 13:03:38 GMT -5
JMX sister! Preach it! I am so there with you. When my hormones are in the swing of the moon my thoughts and food intake get wild. Last month I was pretty sure I needed to get my clitoral hood pierced (I have not). I also will literally feel like I cannot live in this marriage another second. One day this summer I just walked out my front door and walked for roughly 3 hours, just needing to feel like I am capable of MOVEMENT. Hugs to you sister. Keep posting. We are here! You know what the crazy thing is? On a good week - I am totally into myself. I feel amazing, I am doing everything right, checking all the boxes. I am happy, smiling at everyone. Crushing my job. Adoring my kids. Taking care of myself. And I FEEL it. But by the next week, despite all the self love in the world, I have not had a hug, or physical touch or any words of affirmation that didn’t come from myself or maybe from work. I go from thinking of myself (entire package, that is) as quite the catch to falling hard and into misery. I am not wired to be unnoticed. I recognize it as selfish. When I feel selfish like that - I also wear the shame of not counting my blessings. My self talk during this week is quite wholly made up of (SHAME on you!!! You were born in a place where you get to CHOOSE your life - this is YOUR fault. SHAME on you! You have two beautiful souls for daughters!!). It goes on and on and on that week. Shaming myself for not being properly grateful. My mood is still okay during this week. I can pick myself up and keep going. The week that follows? Extreme and painful misery where I cannot do anything and punish myself the entire week. Self sabotage extraordinaire. Wash, rinse, repeat.
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Post by sadkat on Aug 13, 2018 14:46:22 GMT -5
I have the very same self talks as you! I’m commiserating. I’m still in the “I’m leaving” camp but my H is being so nice to me lately that I’m wondering if I should stay. Then, I ask myself -“has he touched you?” The answer is NO!! So, I’ve still gotta find the strength to leave my best friend.
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 13, 2018 17:19:58 GMT -5
Hugs to you JMXGosh I could remember going back and forth between both camps and not mind being at work - it was like an escape. So I get it. Eventually I did pull off the bandaid and I got out of my marriage, but don’t put so much pressure on yourself to know exactly when to do that - whether it’s 2019 or 2020 or 2025, you will just know for sure and then rip off the bandaid when it’s the right time for YOU! I would say maybe take a day off of work during the week when your girls are at school - have a spa day, get a pedicure, go to a movie, take a soothing bath or a nap, go to a yummy restaurant for lunch - for yourself, by yourself in order to focus on yourself. I’m feeling for you and you know I’m here if you need to talk. Big hugs honey. I know you are a strong lady but take care of yourself first.
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Post by Dan on Aug 13, 2018 22:00:52 GMT -5
OK... you HAVE to see this... But, ONLY because it is Tina Fey explaining her "sheet cake therapy" for dealing with stress.
It IS pretty political, so PLEASE don't watch it if you can't take the ribbing that SNL might deal to you-know-who.
But the "carb craving as self medication" bit is ENTIRELY in line with this thread!
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Post by Dan on Aug 13, 2018 22:19:01 GMT -5
I would say maybe take a day off of work during the week when your girls are at school - have a spa day, get a pedicure, go to a movie, take a soothing bath or a nap, go to a yummy restaurant for lunch - for yourself, by yourself in order to focus on yourself. Pretty good advice. Just one warning: Since your parents expect you to be at work and the girls to be in school, don't go near the tree house...
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Post by baza on Aug 13, 2018 22:25:58 GMT -5
Some thoughts on this "indecision" situation.
The fact is, that at this moment in time you ARE staying. That is the fact in the here and now. That's where you ARE. That is the reality right now. This is what you have chosen.
You may well have chosen it by default, you may well have chosen it reluctantly, resentfully, unhappily or even willingly. But you have chosen it.
You are not standing off to one side looking at two different paths you could take. You have done that. You ARE on one of the paths already. That choice has been made. By you. You have to own that. You are not going to be able to move forward until you DO take ownership of that, and responsibility for that.
Now, once that bitter pill of ownership and responsibility has been swallowed, the question becomes - "am I going to stick with this choice, or not ?
In many ways, this is a helluva lot easier a question, because it is based on fact. That fact being that by choice you are already a long way down the path of staying. It is not as if staying is a brand new option for you. That makes it "simpler". Your only real option is whether you are going to continue down that chosen path of yours, or not.
To cut to the chase here, you are not really in "a state of indecision". You HAVE chosen. You ARE in the staying camp at this moment. There is nothing indecisive or wavering about that. You may well not be real happy with your choice, in which case you might wish to re-visit that choice, maybe even reverse that choice, but right now, you know where you are.
And knowing where you are is a good thing. In this case, a very unpleasant bit of knowledge, but really really valuable knowledge.
You are NOT deciding what you will do - that choice has already been made by you. Rather, you are now choosing whether you will stick with that real life, real time choice.
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Post by ihadalove on Aug 13, 2018 22:45:13 GMT -5
I disagree about there being no indecision. It's not about looking at two paths and picking one, it's about not even being able to decide to take a hard look at your life and be proactive and take active control. This attitude could extend outside of an sm. Should I ask for a raise, or look for a different job? Can't decide, I'll just keep my head down and stay where I am. Sure, you decided to do that, but you couldn't decide between two choices that you consider better, THAT is the indecision.
In an sm it would probably be deciding between getting out, or giving your marriage your all and being accepting of what that gives you. It's easier to not be able to pick, and just barely get by while more and more damage occurs to both sides.
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Post by ihadalove on Aug 13, 2018 23:01:56 GMT -5
Oh, and I'm definitely projecting about where I see myself at with the above post! Hence my therapy thread.
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Post by JMX on Aug 13, 2018 23:50:10 GMT -5
baza - I need to think about this more - so I deleted the last post. In retrospect / it sounded dumb. I need to go to sleep so I can get up and pretend that I enjoy my choice to work out tomorrow morning
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Post by ironhamster on Aug 13, 2018 23:55:01 GMT -5
baza - I need to think about this more - so I deleted the last post. In retrospect / it sounded dumb. I need to go to sleep so I can get up and pretend that I enjoy my choice to work out tomorrow morning JMX, trust me. You do want to work out. At least, when I was at the stage you are, I know I wanted to work out. Nevermind the endorphins, I got more positive reinforcement during one hour at the gym than I got during a week at home. I hope you are getting that, too.
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