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Post by flyingsolo on Jun 15, 2018 11:50:34 GMT -5
Just wanted to take a quick minute and wish all the dads out there a Happy Fathers' Day since I won't be around this weekend. This Fathers' Day is especially tough for me as I lost my dad two months ago so this is my first Fathers' Day without him. Although my dad and I weren't as close as we would have liked to have been, we were working on things when he passed. If you still have your dad in your life, make sure you tell him you love him this weekend. I never got that chance with my dad and didn't know that when I saw him eight months ago that it would be the last time.
If you are a dad, spend some time with your kids this weekend if you can, make some memories, and be the best dad you can be. Being a father myself, I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. They are my greatest accomplishment and my greatest love. When I am having the worst day and really stressing about life or the current marital situation, my kids brighten my day. I've been struggling a bit emotionally with losing my dad and dealing with my marriage, so this Fathers' Day I decided I would write each of my kids a heartfelt letter telling them how much I love each of them and that I will always be there for them, no matter what. So, on Fathers' Day this year, I'm giving my kids a small gift in the form of a letter to each of them.  |
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 15, 2018 12:54:24 GMT -5
That’s sweet. Happy Fathers Day! I’m sorry for your loss.
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Post by workingonit on Jun 15, 2018 16:14:09 GMT -5
Awesome idea! Happy Fathers day to you!
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 15, 2018 20:47:55 GMT -5
That is a beautiful gift that your kids will always treasure.
Happy Father's Day to all the dads on the forum! Enjoy your day!!
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Post by javba on Jun 17, 2018 13:50:17 GMT -5
Thanks
My now 18 yr old gave me a small book of notes about things she likes about me.
Very touching. I wish I could talk to them about how I'm damaged due to their moms lack of interest.
Maybe one day.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2018 20:20:39 GMT -5
W: Let me take you out for Father's Day.
Me: I'm not in the mood, but if you want to go out, fine.
W: Where do you want to go?
Me: I don't know, maybe that burger place.
W: Ugh. OK, if you want, it's your day.
W. How about the fish place?
Me: I'm not really in the mood for fish.
W: OK, it's your day.
(Driving)
W: Are you sure you don't want to go to the fish place?
Me: I didn't really, but if you want I'll go.
W: No, no, it's your day, you decide. Just the burger place might be crowded.
Me, resigned: OK, we'll pass by the fish place and you can look in and see if it looks crowded.
W: OK....it looks like there are some seats. You sure you are OK going here?
Me: Sure, it's fine.
(At meal)
W: See? Isn't this better than the other place?
Me: It's very good. (Which it is, I just wasn't in the mood.)
W: Thanks so much for coming here.
If we would have gone to the burger place, I would have listened to complaints about the food.
So I gave in, and she got her wish for where to eat and I didn't, but she can claim that she let me make the decision.
This is a microcosm of the marriage in the good times. Mostly polite but she will always get her way because it isn't worth it for me to fight.
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Post by baza on Jun 17, 2018 21:42:22 GMT -5
"Picking your battles" is not such a bad policy Brother @shynjdude .
In an ILIASM deal, if you fired up every time something came up that wasn't to your liking, you'd probably spend an inordinate amount of time in pointless conflict.
Do you happen to have read that book by Mark Manson titled "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck" ? (I must sound like Mark Mansons publicist with my continual recommendation for this book !!)
There might be some helpful stuff in there.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2018 22:29:10 GMT -5
Do you happen to have read that book by Mark Manson titled "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck" ? (I must sound like Mark Mansons publicist with my continual recommendation for this book !!) There might be some helpful stuff in there. No, I'm waiting for you to post the whole thing eventually |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 18, 2018 12:36:21 GMT -5
W: Let me take you out for Father's Day. Me: I'm not in the mood, but if you want to go out, fine. W: Where do you want to go? Me: I don't know, maybe that burger place. W: Ugh. OK, if you want, it's your day. W. How about the fish place? Me: I'm not really in the mood for fish. W: OK, it's your day. (Driving) W: Are you sure you don't want to go to the fish place? Me: I didn't really, but if you want I'll go. W: No, no, it's your day, you decide. Just the burger place might be crowded. Me, resigned: OK, we'll pass by the fish place and you can look in and see if it looks crowded. W: OK....it looks like there are some seats. You sure you are OK going here? Me: Sure, it's fine. (At meal) W: See? Isn't this better than the other place? Me: It's very good. (Which it is, I just wasn't in the mood.) W: Thanks so much for coming here. If we would have gone to the burger place, I would have listened to complaints about the food. So I gave in, and she got her wish for where to eat and I didn't, but she can claim that she let me make the decision. This is a microcosm of the marriage in the good times. Mostly polite but she will always get her way because it isn't worth it for me to fight. This was straight out of the last few months of my marriage. I was getting my tubes tied and H made a big deal in front of the nurses - because I had had to fast for 12 hours prior to the outpatient procedure, he would take me anywhere I wanted to go afterward! Then it became any drive-thru. Then when I said I wanted Arby's he said Wendy's. As I tried to debate the pros & cons with him, I just GAVE UP and said yeah, wherever you want. And yes - I would have had to put up with whining if we had gone where I said and I did have to listen to him "talk up" the place he took me instead. How good it was! What fast service! (DUH - it's a freaking drive thru, for crying out loud) It was SO stupid that I literally couldn't even get "my treat" of a meal from the place I wanted and he had NO CLUE he had even done it. Good luck with this - it just gets so petty at times.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 18, 2018 13:34:16 GMT -5
Father’s Day was spent letting H sleep until 11 then go golfing with a friend.
I took our young son out for the day (a reptile zoo and mini amusement park) for yet another new experience that was sadly, only with mom and not with dad. But if I waited for H to be available in these things, our kid would never get to experience anything new!
After, son and I visited with some family and then came home to meet H for dinner because he wanted to grill steaks.
We gave him a couple small gifts and a homemade card from the kiddo.
I am ok with him wanting to do what he wants to do on his day. But it does make me a little sad that what he wants to do on Father’s Day does not include spending time with his son. Especially since he is gone for work so often.
On a similar topic, I went on Facebook that night and saw all the happy pictures of friends’ families spending the day together. It just reinforced for me that this is not the marriage or life that I want.
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Post by h on Jun 18, 2018 14:00:01 GMT -5
I went with my W to visit my Dad yesterday afternoon. I brought him a funny card and a small gift and we sat outside and enjoyed a beer together. It was a very bitter day for me personally. Father's Day gets worse every year for me as a reminder that I'm not a father as a direct result of my SM. My W has been trying a little bit and has improved some, but "slightly more than almost nothing" is still pretty darn close to nothing. A her current rate of improvement, she will be in her late 40's before we have an acceptable sex life. I would be ok with it if we tried and couldn't have children. The not trying hurts though and especially more so knowing that she has told people in the past that we were trying.
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Post by solodriver on Jun 18, 2018 20:46:01 GMT -5
Father’s Day was spent letting H sleep until 11 then go golfing with a friend. I took our young son out for the day (a reptile zoo and mini amusement park) for yet another new experience that was sadly, only with mom and not with dad. But if I waited for H to be available in these things, our kid would never get to experience anything new! After, son and I visited with some family and then came home to meet H for dinner because he wanted to grill steaks. We gave him a couple small gifts and a homemade card from the kiddo. I am ok with him wanting to do what he wants to do on his day. But it does make me a little sad that what he wants to do on Father’s Day does not include spending time with his son. Especially since he is gone for work so often. On a similar topic, I went on Facebook that night and saw all the happy pictures of friends’ families spending the day together. It just reinforced for me that this is not the marriage or life that I want. lonelywifey, all I can think of is what a difference a year makes. Some day in the future, your h. may wake up and realize all of the wonderful things he let pass him by. I would not want to be in his shoes when that happens.
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Post by solodriver on Jun 18, 2018 20:49:30 GMT -5
W: Let me take you out for Father's Day. Me: I'm not in the mood, but if you want to go out, fine. W: Where do you want to go? Me: I don't know, maybe that burger place. W: Ugh. OK, if you want, it's your day. W. How about the fish place? Me: I'm not really in the mood for fish. W: OK, it's your day. (Driving) W: Are you sure you don't want to go to the fish place? Me: I didn't really, but if you want I'll go. W: No, no, it's your day, you decide. Just the burger place might be crowded. Me, resigned: OK, we'll pass by the fish place and you can look in and see if it looks crowded. W: OK....it looks like there are some seats. You sure you are OK going here? Me: Sure, it's fine. (At meal) W: See? Isn't this better than the other place? Me: It's very good. (Which it is, I just wasn't in the mood.) W: Thanks so much for coming here. If we would have gone to the burger place, I would have listened to complaints about the food. So I gave in, and she got her wish for where to eat and I didn't, but she can claim that she let me make the decision. This is a microcosm of the marriage in the good times. Mostly polite but she will always get her way because it isn't worth it for me to fight. OMG you must be married to my wife's twin sister. It's all about them being in control, ALL THE TIME! |
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 18, 2018 21:03:22 GMT -5
Shyndude said: "So I gave in, and she got her wish for where to eat and I didn't, but she can claim that she let me make the decision.
This is a microcosm of the marriage in the good times. Mostly polite but she will always get her way because it isn't worth it for me to fight."
You are very passive. You could have dodged the whole thing by planning a day in which you got up early and did whatever you wanted. You even could have planned that in advance and have told your wife. What would she have been able to do about it if you went out without her? Sure, she could have complained later, but you wouldn't have to sit there listening to her.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2018 21:31:00 GMT -5
I really don't care much about Father's Day, northstarmom; wife wanted to go out and used FD as an excuse. And this was a fairly tiny irritation in the scheme of things. My seared tuna pepper steak was quite tasty anyway, even if all I wanted was a burger. (We did have plans for a barbecue but my daughter had to go to the hospital so we visited her, which took up a good part of the day.) |
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