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Post by fearless on Jun 3, 2018 20:33:31 GMT -5
I've been wondering about how Meyers Briggs personality types affect the SM, especially when the two types are polarized. Mine is INFJ and my h is basically the opposite--ESTP. Our styles of interacting in relationship and with the world put us into conflict in multiple areas. Knowing this makes it easier to accommodate each other's style to some extent, but it takes way more effort, causes many more misunderstandings, and is much more tiring than dealing with a similar personality type. Communication is complicated when I assume that certain things are obvious (my intuitive process) and my tendency to lose the "feeling" process (become analytical) under stress. We also use words very differently. Frequently, when we talk about precisely what our words mean, we could be using two completely different dictionaries.
Just curious about others' experiences with this. Do you think Meyers Briggs differences contribute(d) to your SM?
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Post by baza on Jun 4, 2018 2:08:42 GMT -5
Meyer Briggs incompatibilities probably did contribute to a marriage being a fuck up. Incompatible "attachment theory" probably contributed to a marriage being a fuck up too. Incompatible "love languages" probably contributed as well. As did "Maslows hierarchy of needs theory". Quite possibly some hopeless miss match of zodiac signs played a role as well.
And all this before you even start on "the spouse being a narcissist" or other mental impairment being in play - let alone the physical issues of a real or bogus nature.
There are many many facets that go into making a marriage a fuck up.
Any one of the "whys" is pretty much as good as another.
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Post by jim44444 on Jun 4, 2018 5:40:25 GMT -5
I agree with baza that any relationship theory may apply to SM but it makes no difference to our reality. However, understanding where our relationship failed and understanding what are the signs of potential failure are important for our future relationships. We need to know how to access future prospects so that we can minimize future problems. Is Myers-Briggs a good tool? Maybe. I have little faithful in it because I always screwed with the answers. I assume others do likewise.
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Post by elynne on Jun 4, 2018 6:14:08 GMT -5
I agree with baza that any relationship theory may apply to SM but it makes no difference to our reality. However, understanding where our relationship failed and understanding what are the signs of potential failure are important for our future relationships. We need to know how to access future prospects so that we can minimize future problems. Is Myers-Briggs a good tool? Maybe. I have little faithful in it because I always screwed with the answers. I assume others do likewise. I’m an ENFP. H is an ENTP. In theory we’re quite compatible. But the fact that he doesn’t support my life goals and dreams puts a fly in the ointment. baza, as he does so well, gets to the core of the issue. It really doesn’t matter which theory points to incompatibility. Be it MBTI, love languages, attachment style, personality disorders or childhood baggage. If your spouse can’t love and respect you for who you are and isn’t willing to treat you as an equal partner, what are you fighting for? What’s keeping you in the relationship? Fear? Hope that you can build an equal partnership? Inertia? Dig in to what’s keeping you stuck. Address those underlying issues. Then make a choice. Stay and accept your partner as they are or go build the life you dream of. Not making a choice is the only wrong answer.
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Post by baza on Jun 4, 2018 8:34:33 GMT -5
Again, it is a question of which problem you would sooner have. Wondering what is keeping you in your ILIASM shithole ? -----or------ Wondering what kept you in your ILIASM shithole ?
In the sub-optimal environment of an ILIASM shithole, it is extraordinarily difficult to think straight.
Out of the sub-optimal environment of an ILIASM shithole, it is way waaaay easier to do so.
I think that in an ILIASM context, you really only start to get clarity about wtf happened when you look at it through the rear view mirror.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 4, 2018 13:32:31 GMT -5
If your spouse can’t love and respect you for who you are and isn’t willing to treat you as an equal partner, what are you fighting for? What’s keeping you in the relationship? Fear? Hope that you can build an equal partnership? Inertia? Dig in to what’s keeping you stuck. Address those underlying issues. Then make a choice. Stay and accept your partner as they are or go build the life you dream of. Not making a choice is the only wrong answer. elynne!! Listen to yourself on this one! “Stay and accept your partner as they are or go build the life you dream of.” Can you accept your H as he is? I don’t think so. I think you believe you could accept him as you WISH he were. So if the answer there is no, then GO BUILD THE LIFE YOU DREAM OF!
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 4, 2018 13:53:14 GMT -5
Btw elynne I am also an ENFP. My H is an INTJ which is supposedly the most natural partner for us. Bahaha! Perhaps that would be true if he could express feelings...
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Post by flounder on Jun 4, 2018 17:09:34 GMT -5
Btw elynne I am also an ENFP. My H is an INTJ You need a license for that ?
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 4, 2018 17:17:08 GMT -5
I'm an ENFP, too, and my post SM lover is INTJ as is my younger son.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 4, 2018 18:20:05 GMT -5
I'm an ENFP, too, and my post SM lover is INTJ as is my younger son. I’m sensing a theme... 😕
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 4, 2018 18:55:04 GMT -5
ENFP and it seems like just about everyone else I know is some sort of introvert. I NEED more extroverts in my life!!!! Being an extrovert absolutely sucks when almost everyone you know - including your family and your best friend - wants alone time, 24/7/365. I would give anything to be an introvert and be able to be recharged by being alone. I would be the most energetic person on the planet.
Pretty sure my h is an ISTJ. He’s taken the test several times and keeps forgetting the result. But I know for fact that first letter is I and I’m pretty sure the last one is J.
One of his observations over the years is that I’m talkative. Very, very talkative. I had to join two public speaking groups in order to get my fill of people who are just willing to talk.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 4, 2018 19:17:15 GMT -5
I am an ESFJ my spouse is ESTJ. As I get older I think I am shifting a little towards and introvert at times. I'm not alone a lot so I crave alone time.
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Post by fearless on Jun 5, 2018 20:15:50 GMT -5
Meyer Briggs incompatibilities probably did contribute to a marriage being a fuck up. Incompatible "attachment theory" probably contributed to a marriage being a fuck up too. Incompatible "love languages" probably contributed as well. As did "Maslows hierarchy of needs theory". Quite possibly some hopeless miss match of zodiac signs played a role as well. And all this before you even start on "the spouse being a narcissist" or other mental impairment being in play - let alone the physical issues of a real or bogus nature. There are many many facets that go into making a marriage a fuck up. Any one of the "whys" is pretty much as good as another.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 5, 2018 20:29:59 GMT -5
Define "alone time"? Can alone time mean sharing intimate "alone" moments with someone else? Holding each other and watching the sun set without talking, just holding and being together, falling asleep in their arms? Not having to put EVERYTHING into words but instead having 'touch", actions, you know... S E X!!
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Post by nyartgal on Jun 6, 2018 10:48:26 GMT -5
There was a thread about this on the old EP site---it's funny how it always comes back periodically. I too am an INFJ and despite being supposedly the rarest type, the majority of people who answered on EP or at least a big percentage were also INFJ.
In any case, the only letters that matter here are S-E-X!!!
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