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Post by ihadalove on Jun 1, 2018 22:49:04 GMT -5
Moving goalposts. First it's about him, then it's something you were doing all along. Sounds familiar.
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Post by saarinista on Jun 2, 2018 13:15:35 GMT -5
My theory on this (derived from lots of reading and common sense but not scientific, fwiw) is that when a person gets therapy and changes their mindset, they MIGHT be able to have a happy, healthy, sexy RELATIONSHIP thereafter.
However, they probably won't be able to have that great new relationship with YOU, alas. They're so used to acting the certain same old way with you that only in a NEW relationship with another person will they manifest their freshly acquired, psychologically healthy behaviors. In other words, a change of scenery must accompany the learning and therapy.
I'm sure there are exceptions, but those rare judging from what I intuit and see on this forum. 😕
Any other takes on my personal theory?
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Post by baza on Jun 2, 2018 19:58:11 GMT -5
My theory on this (derived from lots of reading and common sense but not scientific, fwiw) is that when a person gets therapy and changes their mindset, they MIGHT be able to have a happy, healthy, sexy RELATIONSHIP thereafter. However, they probably won't be able to have that great new relationship with YOU, alas. They're so used to acting the certain same old way with you that only in a NEW relationship with another person will they manifest their freshly acquired, psychologically healthy behaviors. In other words, a change of scenery must accompany the learning and therapy. I'm sure there are exceptions, but those rare judging from what I intuit and see on this forum. 😕 Any other takes on my personal theory? I believe your theory is sound Sister saarinista . In an ILIASM context for example, the refused spouse often undertakes a journey of self-realisation and personal growth. The main beneficiary of this change is NOT the current relationship, but rather the next relationship. As an example, have a look at Sister northstarmom and many many others. Her personal growth and evolvement didn't produce much - if any - positive effects on her ILIASM deal. But it paid off in spades in the next one. So on the other side of things - let's say Mr elynne had an ephinany and chose to mend his misogynist manipulative ways ..... it is awfully difficult to see that being enough to repair the damage he has wrought on his marriage, but might be of great value for his next time at bat. For my own part, I think that what I learned about myself in my ILIASM deal didn't have much impact on improving that deal, but was and is tremendously valueable in my deal with Ms enna.
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