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Post by choosinghappy on May 1, 2018 8:59:26 GMT -5
It happened again! Back to the computer for research just now, H texts sweet nothings again out of nowhere. Some sort of twisted telepathy apparently.
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Post by choosinghappy on May 1, 2018 9:01:33 GMT -5
I'm just floating this idea out there for you to mebbe think about Sister choosinghappy - and it doesn't matter whether it's right or wrong either - but is it possible that your rearview mirror is a bit warped ? Is it possible that the two-way connection you think was there back in the day really wasn't, or was not present at the level of intensity that you recollect ? ... I am just pointing out that we can sometimes put on our rose coloured glasses when reviewing things. Thanks baza. Good point to think about. I find myself thinking about both the good and the bad and I don't *think* I have rose colored glasses on but who knows. Regardless, my plan is to move forward, despite "good" memories or "bad" coming to mind.
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Post by h on May 1, 2018 11:17:04 GMT -5
It happened again! Back to the computer for research just now, H texts sweet nothings again out of nowhere. Some sort of twisted telepathy apparently. Would he be suspicious enough to install spyware on the computer to alert him to certain keyword searches?
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Post by greatcoastal on May 1, 2018 11:22:10 GMT -5
It happened again! Back to the computer for research just now, H texts sweet nothings again out of nowhere. Some sort of twisted telepathy apparently. Just a guess, his actions fall in the category of "control". Those subtle little "my way" reminders he sends you, that "things are just fine as long as they remain this way". Weather he is that aware of it or not, it's up to you how to handle the truth in the communication.
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Post by choosinghappy on May 1, 2018 11:42:10 GMT -5
Would he be suspicious enough to install spyware on the computer to alert him to certain keyword searches? h Doubtful. I would be very surprised if he were to do something like that. (But it WOULD make sense, wouldn't it?...) It happened again! Back to the computer for research just now, H texts sweet nothings again out of nowhere. Some sort of twisted telepathy apparently. Just a guess, his actions fall in the category of "control". Those subtle little "my way" reminders he sends you, that "things are just fine as long as they remain this way". Weather he is that aware of it or not, it's up to you how to handle the truth in the communication. greatcoastal I think maybe it's more like "things are just fine as long as we continue to both pretend they are". As for how I handle the truth in the communication: I will still respond that I love him because it is true. But I have not responded to "I miss you" in many months now. He still keeps at it though, and your guess is as good as mine as to whether he is truly oblivious to my lack of response or just so determined to keep up the pretense that all is well that he perseveres, hoping it will keep me from calling him out/trying to change anything/divorcing him.
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Post by choosinghappy on May 1, 2018 11:48:12 GMT -5
On a related note: I've had two friends contact me in the last couple days out of the blue, asking me how everything is going and if everything is alright, saying that they can't help but notice that I never mention anything about my H anymore, we're never together (it's always me and my son doing things together), oh yeah - and we're often on separate coasts. No shock whatsoever from them when I revealed that I'm making plans to leave him. Yeah, this plant has been wilted for a while now and apparently it's evident even to friends I rarely see.
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Post by northstarmom on May 1, 2018 12:28:08 GMT -5
“On a related note: I've had two friends contact me in the last couple days out of the blue, asking me how everything is going and if everything is alright, saying that they can't help but notice that I never mention anything about my H anymore”
Any chance your h instigated their contact?
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Post by choosinghappy on May 1, 2018 12:55:00 GMT -5
“On a related note: I've had two friends contact me in the last couple days out of the blue, asking me how everything is going and if everything is alright, saying that they can't help but notice that I never mention anything about my H anymore” Any chance your h instigated their contact? northstarmom Nope. He doesn't even know these friends.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 1, 2018 13:03:49 GMT -5
Refusers can be quite tactful with their words. That's all your getting, flowery words from a safe, safe, distance. Meaningless without action. ( about as valuable as a rehearsed, ceremonial good bye peck, or how many people say 'bless you' when you sneeze?)
Personally, these would be some of those thankful times. Where I would smirk and remind myself," this confirms my thoughts, more word salad, and I'm thankful that I ain't buying it!."
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Post by saarinista on May 1, 2018 14:21:46 GMT -5
Listen to their actions, not their words—especially when the two are in conflict. This. I'm sorry you're experiencing conflict, choosinghappy but it's not surprising or unusual. Being nice or sending a sweet text are easy. But it takes a lot more than that to make a good marriage. I think you're doing the right thing seeking out legal advice. Good for you!
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Post by choosinghappy on May 1, 2018 17:11:35 GMT -5
Consult tomorrow afternoon! If anyone just happens to have a list of questions or things to think about handy or could even just point me in the direction of a specific post about this stuff that would be super helpful! It might finally be time for me to read shamwow 's neverending T-Minus thread ;-)
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Post by greatcoastal on May 1, 2018 17:19:22 GMT -5
Consult tomorrow afternoon! If anyone just happens to have a list of questions or things to think about handy or could even just point me in the direction of a specific post about this stuff that would be super helpful! It might finally be time for me to read shamwow 's neverending T-Minus thread ;-) iliasm.org/thread/103/advice-free-first-consultation
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Post by shamwow on May 1, 2018 19:31:36 GMT -5
Consult tomorrow afternoon! If anyone just happens to have a list of questions or things to think about handy or could even just point me in the direction of a specific post about this stuff that would be super helpful! It might finally be time for me to read shamwow 's neverending T-Minus thread ;-) As I'm out longer I have less to report. Starting to be months between posts.
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Post by flounder on May 1, 2018 20:36:56 GMT -5
FWIW, pick 3 if you can get free consults. They will have different styles, which will become more evident by the 3rd one. And by the 3rd one, your questions will be more pointed as you have time to think on the prior consults and what questions you have left, and facts / strategy you want to confirm. Yes I interviewed 3 attorneys and I went with the one that was agressive and played devil's advocate with me. I asked him a question about me getting alimony and he answered with " well there's no guarantee and if I was your husband's attorney...". I liked that there was some fight in him. In the end I didn't go after alimony and when signing the papers at the end my attorney asked "remind me again why we aren't going after alimony"? Pit bulls really are bred to be attack dogs.
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Post by baza on May 1, 2018 23:12:01 GMT -5
Just to add to your stuff Sister choosinghappy , it appears from his texting unsolicited sweet nothings 14 hours ago, you may have an attempt at re-set sex to contend with soon. As unlikely as it might seem, it could be worth a few minutes thought as to how you might handle that.
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