Post by Deleted on May 17, 2016 10:05:40 GMT -5
Yesterday was another screaming downhill on my rollercoaster divorce. More mind games and intimidation. You would think by now I could take it in stride, but no. Looking back at it from today, I can see exactly how intentional it was, how he set me up.
Sunday night, he dropped a huge packet of escrow papers on me that were supposed to be delivered to the escrow company by noon on Monday. Theoretically, he had already gone through them and filled out his part, but of course there was a ton of missing information. Things that were hard for me to find, but would have been simple for him since he has all the paperwork at his apartment. There was even a section that had to be notarized. So he knows I have to teach on Monday mornings and there’s no way I can get a sub at such a late notice. Also, he had the escrow papers since Wednesday and decided not to tell me about them until Sunday night. So, I was already stressed with all this last minute, time sensitive paperwork.
Monday morning I woke up to another letter from his lawyer, demanding documentation of a number of things, most of which I haven’t done. For example, they asked for copies of job applications I had filled out between October 1 and now. Except we had agreed that I would not start looking for work until after my semester is over since I would not be able to accept a job that started before the end of June. There were a number of other things as well and frankly, I freaked out. All I could think about is how bad they were going to make me look in front of the judge. Then I would spiral around to the reasons I hadn’t done the things and wonder if I would be allowed to defend myself, then worry that it would sound like I was making excuses, then get upset because that’s not fair, and round and round on the hamster wheel of panic in my mind.
Fortunately for me I have good friends who supported me, and a good lawyer who labeled this last tactic as harassment and intimidation and reassured me that the judge will not be impressed. She also thinks this last round is backlash because last week at the status conference with the judge, she told the judge that my STBX has not given me any support since I moved out and the judge very pointedly told his lawyer to have him give me some support immediately. (And no, he still hasn’t.) There’s also a whole issue with my daughter that I will post separately, but the point of all this is that the man set me up. He created a high pressure situation, then dropped a bomb into it and sat back to watch me dissolve.
Sadly, it worked. He got to me. I was a mess yesterday, but I made it through and got the escrow stuff done which he tried to make impossible. So, he didn’t completely win. But I’m left wondering how long it is going to take for me to learn to stand up to him, and when I’ll grow a thick enough skin to take his nasty mind games in stride. Today I’m exhausted and behind schedule on my own work, and still struggling to let go of all this enough to be able to focus on catching up on things I really need to do.
Sometimes this feels like it will never end, like he will never stop trying to control me and punish me. I get it – I upset his nice little life, but it isn’t like he loves me or wants to be with me so why the hell can’t he just let me go? I haven’t been ugly or difficult with the settlement – all of the issues are coming from him, unreasonable demands, blah, blah, blah. He’s dragging this divorce out long past any sensible point. What does he think he is accomplishing? All I can think is that he is going to punish me any way he can.
Sunday night, he dropped a huge packet of escrow papers on me that were supposed to be delivered to the escrow company by noon on Monday. Theoretically, he had already gone through them and filled out his part, but of course there was a ton of missing information. Things that were hard for me to find, but would have been simple for him since he has all the paperwork at his apartment. There was even a section that had to be notarized. So he knows I have to teach on Monday mornings and there’s no way I can get a sub at such a late notice. Also, he had the escrow papers since Wednesday and decided not to tell me about them until Sunday night. So, I was already stressed with all this last minute, time sensitive paperwork.
Monday morning I woke up to another letter from his lawyer, demanding documentation of a number of things, most of which I haven’t done. For example, they asked for copies of job applications I had filled out between October 1 and now. Except we had agreed that I would not start looking for work until after my semester is over since I would not be able to accept a job that started before the end of June. There were a number of other things as well and frankly, I freaked out. All I could think about is how bad they were going to make me look in front of the judge. Then I would spiral around to the reasons I hadn’t done the things and wonder if I would be allowed to defend myself, then worry that it would sound like I was making excuses, then get upset because that’s not fair, and round and round on the hamster wheel of panic in my mind.
Fortunately for me I have good friends who supported me, and a good lawyer who labeled this last tactic as harassment and intimidation and reassured me that the judge will not be impressed. She also thinks this last round is backlash because last week at the status conference with the judge, she told the judge that my STBX has not given me any support since I moved out and the judge very pointedly told his lawyer to have him give me some support immediately. (And no, he still hasn’t.) There’s also a whole issue with my daughter that I will post separately, but the point of all this is that the man set me up. He created a high pressure situation, then dropped a bomb into it and sat back to watch me dissolve.
Sadly, it worked. He got to me. I was a mess yesterday, but I made it through and got the escrow stuff done which he tried to make impossible. So, he didn’t completely win. But I’m left wondering how long it is going to take for me to learn to stand up to him, and when I’ll grow a thick enough skin to take his nasty mind games in stride. Today I’m exhausted and behind schedule on my own work, and still struggling to let go of all this enough to be able to focus on catching up on things I really need to do.
Sometimes this feels like it will never end, like he will never stop trying to control me and punish me. I get it – I upset his nice little life, but it isn’t like he loves me or wants to be with me so why the hell can’t he just let me go? I haven’t been ugly or difficult with the settlement – all of the issues are coming from him, unreasonable demands, blah, blah, blah. He’s dragging this divorce out long past any sensible point. What does he think he is accomplishing? All I can think is that he is going to punish me any way he can.
