|
Post by saarinista on Mar 16, 2018 19:54:18 GMT -5
No sex on the wedding night but we did have sex on our honeymoon - because I initiated every time and I "did all the work" if you catch my drift. He refused to have sex in the beautiful shower built for two. He refused to have sex in the jacuzzi tub in the room. He refused to have sex in the soaking tub out on the veranda. He refused to have sex anywhere but in bed, at the same time of day each time, while we were in the most amazing, sexy, romantic place we had ever been. Hello, red flag! ugh!
|
|
|
Post by flounder on Mar 16, 2018 20:28:14 GMT -5
No. But like iron hamster,we had been partying all night and we were both exhausted. 3 days she made me wait. WTF !
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Mar 17, 2018 0:11:07 GMT -5
No. But like iron hamster,we had been partying all night and we were both exhausted. 3 days she made me wait. WTF ! About a year, in our case.
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Mar 17, 2018 0:15:52 GMT -5
My foreshadowing was literally at the altar... "You may kiss the bride." I was expecting a kiss with enthusiasm; she was expecting a chaste peck. Awkward.
I don't remember wedding night sex, but we must have or I *would* remember otherwise..
I do remember being disappointed that she metered the sex heavily on the honeymoon. It wasn't about us, it was about being tourists. (And we'd agreed on a place that was romantic and not particularly touristy.)
So many f'ing wasted romantic efforts... Nah, I'm not bitter about it...
|
|
|
Post by flounder on Mar 17, 2018 7:04:42 GMT -5
No. But like iron hamster,we had been partying all night and we were both exhausted. 3 days she made me wait. WTF ! About a year, in our case. WTF !
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Mar 17, 2018 7:30:54 GMT -5
No, but it was pretty much a mutual mindset. Our wedding was late in the afternoon, and afterwards we helped our relatives clean up the church fellowship hall for church activities the next day, so we were there until late. Then up early the next morning driving for something like 16 hours. We were exhausted and just collapsed on the bed, not even showering.
|
|
|
Post by tirefire on Mar 17, 2018 8:28:11 GMT -5
I'm not sure if this can be called a red flag in the understatement category. Exhausted so mutually agreed to wait to morning after. Cool. But only oral just like dating. This continued for 4 years. First PIV was to create children. W said doesn't trust birth control. Problem is she gets sore jaw after about 60 seconds. So mostly manual. This definitely cut into my drive to do anything sexual with her. I'm looking back and wondering what state I was in to accept this. W has always been fear driven. Always driven by negative emotions. Writing this, I realize I was half asleep for so many years and let those years drift away. And extending this thought I am scared I will not have the courage to pull the chute. Just waiting on some financial details of my exit plan but I'm scared. Just scared. So stupid. Was that foreshadowing?
|
|
|
Post by tirefire on Mar 17, 2018 8:31:52 GMT -5
My foreshadowing was literally at the altar... "You may kiss the bride." I was expecting a kiss with enthusiasm; she was expecting a chaste peck. Awkward. I don't remember wedding night sex, but we must have or I *would* remember otherwise.. I do remember being disappointed that she metered the sex heavily on the honeymoon. It wasn't about us, it was about being tourists. (And we'd agreed on a place that was romantic and not particularly touristy.) So many f'ing wasted romantic efforts... Nah, I'm not bitter about it... The f*cling peck. I hate the damn thing now. It symbolizes everything else. I wish it were an object so I could smash it with a hammer. Sorry. I keep seeing the peck mentioned in so many posts.
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Mar 17, 2018 8:41:03 GMT -5
My foreshadowing was literally at the altar... "You may kiss the bride." I was expecting a kiss with enthusiasm; she was expecting a chaste peck. Awkward. I don't remember wedding night sex, but we must have or I *would* remember otherwise.. I do remember being disappointed that she metered the sex heavily on the honeymoon. It wasn't about us, it was about being tourists. (And we'd agreed on a place that was romantic and not particularly touristy.) So many f'ing wasted romantic efforts... Nah, I'm not bitter about it... The f*cling peck. I hate the damn thing now. It symbolizes everything else. I wish it were an object so I could smash it with a hammer. Sorry. I keep seeing the peck mentioned in so many posts. tirefireI call it the pity-peck. And I fucking hate it. That is now the ONLY touching or affection I receive from my H and I’m beginning to loathe it.
|
|
|
Post by tirefire on Mar 17, 2018 8:49:10 GMT -5
The f*cling peck. I hate the damn thing now. It symbolizes everything else. I wish it were an object so I could smash it with a hammer. Sorry. I keep seeing the peck mentioned in so many posts. tirefireI call it the pity-peck. And I fucking hate it. That is now the ONLY touching or affection I receive from my H and I’m beginning to loathe it. I hear ya'.
|
|
|
Post by elynne on Mar 17, 2018 9:17:00 GMT -5
I'm not sure if this can be called a red flag in the understatement category. Exhausted so mutually agreed to wait to morning after. Cool. But only oral just like dating. This continued for 4 years. First PIV was to create children. W said doesn't trust birth control. Problem is she gets sore jaw after about 60 seconds. So mostly manual. This definitely cut into my drive to do anything sexual with her. I'm looking back and wondering what state I was in to accept this. W has always been fear driven. Always driven by negative emotions. Writing this, I realize I was half asleep for so many years and let those years drift away. And extending this thought I am scared I will not have the courage to pull the chute. Just waiting on some financial details of my exit plan but I'm scared. Just scared. So stupid. Was that foreshadowing? Does she have a history of being sexually abused?
|
|
|
Post by flounder on Mar 17, 2018 9:23:37 GMT -5
The f*cling peck. I hate the damn thing now. It symbolizes everything else. I wish it were an object so I could smash it with a hammer. Sorry. I keep seeing the peck mentioned in so many posts. tirefireI call it the pity-peck. And I fucking hate it. That is now the ONLY touching or affection I receive from my H and I’m beginning to loathe it. Least you get a peck.
|
|
|
Post by tirefire on Mar 17, 2018 9:32:14 GMT -5
I'm not sure if this can be called a red flag in the understatement category. Exhausted so mutually agreed to wait to morning after. Cool. But only oral just like dating. This continued for 4 years. First PIV was to create children. W said doesn't trust birth control. Problem is she gets sore jaw after about 60 seconds. So mostly manual. This definitely cut into my drive to do anything sexual with her. I'm looking back and wondering what state I was in to accept this. W has always been fear driven. Always driven by negative emotions. Writing this, I realize I was half asleep for so many years and let those years drift away. And extending this thought I am scared I will not have the courage to pull the chute. Just waiting on some financial details of my exit plan but I'm scared. Just scared. So stupid. Was that foreshadowing? Does she have a history of being sexually abused? No. Just a personality of doing things based on fear rather than desire.
|
|
|
Post by elynne on Mar 17, 2018 10:45:47 GMT -5
Does she have a history of being sexually abused? No. Just a personality of doing things based on fear rather than desire. I’m scared too. H will have to pay me 1/2 if his share of his part of the practice. He’ll also have to pay me alimony for 12 years. I’m assuming we’ll have shared custody of the kids - and I think it’s better for them to stay in the same school, so it forces me to live in a rural area where I can’t work in finance IT, the field where I used to earn a really respectable salary. I’ve been a portrait painter for the last few years, a piece in a Museum show, won some national and international juried competitions - so I’ve got some talent. My lawyer warned me that if H decides to play hardball he may insist I stop painting and get a ‘real job’. I wonder if I could counter with “Ok. But then we need to move the kids to an area where I can work in finance without commuting 3 hours per day.” I digress. I understand the financial worries. They weigh heavy on my mind too. Though the hopeful part of me believes that if I spent the amount of the time I currently invest on dealing with my unhappy relationship on improving my earning with painting I’d be ok.
|
|
|
Post by tirefire on Mar 17, 2018 12:39:27 GMT -5
No. Just a personality of doing things based on fear rather than desire. I’m scared too. H will have to pay me 1/2 if his share of his part of the practice. He’ll also have to pay me alimony for 12 years. I’m assuming we’ll have shared custody of the kids - and I think it’s better for them to stay in the same school, so it forces me to live in a rural area where I can’t work in finance IT, the field where I used to earn a really respectable salary. I’ve been a portrait painter for the last few years, a piece in a Museum show, won some national and international juried competitions - so I’ve got some talent. My lawyer warned me that if H decides to play hardball he may insist I stop painting and get a ‘real job’. I wonder if I could counter with “Ok. But then we need to move the kids to an area where I can work in finance without commuting 3 hours per day.” I digress. I understand the financial worries. They weigh heavy on my mind too. Though the hopeful part of me believes that if I spent the amount of the time I currently invest on dealing with my unhappy relationship on improving my earning with painting I’d be ok. Sounds like you need another trip to the lawyer to ask more questions. I'd say make it a priority to go back and get your new questions answered. You said Finance IT. If you are/were in IT and can paint, I'm so jealous. I'm in IT but my drawing is stickmen. 😊. I'd love to be able to create something artistic. Sounds like you are really good.
|
|