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Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 24, 2018 16:19:21 GMT -5
I am in Hawaii right now. I flew in Thursday morning and am staying through Wednesday night. This morning, I told my friend (who lives in one island) goodbye, and hopped a flight to a different island for two days of solitude.
This is my third solo trip. In summer 2014, I went to Canada alone for a couple of days and at the end of 2015, Mexico for 2 days. This is my first domestic solo trip as well as my longest.
I posted a photo to Facebook yesterday afternoon and a while later, got a private message from a former HS classmate:
“Not meaning this to be embarrassing in any way. How does your husband and son feel about you vacationing alone?”
My husband has been on solo trips here and there - mostky to go to conventions or see his brother or go camping, etc. The message shocked me, and I spent most of my flight this morning thinking, “She’s right! Why am I so selfish?? THIS is why my marriage is failing.”
My friend/hostess who lives on the other island had a different take: “Girl, don’t worry what anyone else thinks. You need to take a break go get refreshed and come back ready to be a mom again!”
Maybe she’s right, or maybe I should not flaunt my vacation status (I’m feeling guilt too since many of my friends and family are wildfire victims). Uggghhhh. I dunno.
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Post by baza on Feb 24, 2018 16:53:38 GMT -5
Temporary Zipcode therapy from an ILIASM deal is a real good idea.
Permanent Zipcode therapy is even better.
Incidently, a total of something like two weeks total solo holiday since 2014 hardly seems like overkill.
And, on what your stories have thus far said, there is no known way that your marriage is failing because of your selfishness.
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 24, 2018 17:28:17 GMT -5
And here I was thinking as I read about your vacations: Good for you!! I was jealous and wishing I could do that as well!
Don’t pay any attention to what others say. You know what you need for you and if that does not include vacationing with your family then so be it.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 24, 2018 17:30:44 GMT -5
Flaunting your vacation status on "fakebook" is a whole nother topic. However traveling alone away from the H makes a statement,at least it does here on ILIASM. Now as far as your fakebook friends? I am surprised that one of them even cared to notice, or dared to question it. So many people on fakebook just hit the like button and scroll on!
It's sad to watch people get divorced or live so sperate and post dozens of "family photos" and one of the spouses is never there, and never a question from anyone?
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 24, 2018 18:17:33 GMT -5
Flaunting your vacation status on "fakebook" is a whole nother topic. However traveling alone away from the H makes a statement,at least it does here on ILIASM. Now as far as your fakebook friends? I am surprised that one of them even cared to notice, or dared to question it. So many people on fakebook just hit the like button and scroll on! It's sad to watch people get divorced or live so sperate and post dozens of "family photos" and one of the spouses is never there, and never a question from anyone? Well, the woman in question is someone I’ve known since we were 12 (haven’t seen her since we were 18, and all of us are turning 44 this year). I’m surprised at what is noticed and what’s scrolled past! The teeny town I live in got national attention and I shared an article. Nothing. I replied to my friend and fold her this is a girls trip... |
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 24, 2018 23:06:26 GMT -5
I've solo vacationed and thoroughly enjoyed it. I think that most people could flourish more if they took the time to travel alone sometimes or to otherwise nourish themselves.
I don't see a problem with talking about your vacations -- solo or not -- on Facebook. People who are your real friends will be happy for you. The others, you can do without.
Even in my post SM relationship, I have solo vacationed. About 2 years into the relationship, I took a solo trip to a retreat center about 1,000 miles away. Love doesn't mean being glued together.
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Post by LEXUS46 on Feb 25, 2018 1:04:34 GMT -5
Don’t worriy what other people think. Traveling alone sounds like time to rejuvenate your mind, body and spirit!
Enjoy and have fun!!
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Post by obobfla on Feb 25, 2018 1:26:33 GMT -5
No mypaintbrushes, it is not selfish - unless taking a breath of fresh air is too self-serving. It’s like that safety speech they give on airlines. Put your own oxygen mask on first before you put it on others. I’ve taken a few solo trips myself, Kept me together, I plan another one soon, just so I can sit back and see where i am going. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2018 17:29:35 GMT -5
I wouldn't mind a solo vacation, but a vacation with the right person could be a hell of a lot better!
A man can dream....
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Post by WindSister on Feb 25, 2018 19:11:28 GMT -5
I would so love to hike Hawaii. Enjoy! Seize every opportunity you can! Other's opinions need not worry you.  |
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Post by jim44444 on Feb 26, 2018 11:30:53 GMT -5
I see nothing wrong with a solo vacation. I assume you also take joint vacations. A solo vacation gives me a chance to do what I want without boring my W to death.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2018 17:40:59 GMT -5
Solo vacations are a great idea. Even in a really good relationship, you do need a break from each other sometimes. And if you have interests that your mate does not share, or a different approach to vacations (for instance, constant activity vs. vegging out the whole time), if you both go on a trip that only one person really enjoys...that’s not a good couples’ vacation.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 26, 2018 20:43:01 GMT -5
I’ve taken every kind of vacation imaginable. Our last family vacation (all four of us) when I was a kid was in 1979, and from then on, I remember my mom driving my brother and me to New Mexico (where my grandparents lived) every summer, driving straight through from the Bay Area, or maybe staying in a cheap motel in Indio or some place. My Grandma would always crtizice her and her parenting, but every year we’d go see Grandma & Grandpa anyway. They hated my dad, so he always stayed home. He never took vacation again after the 1979 trip; his focus on life was acquiring money and possessions.
My mom always felt very duty-bound and put upon. She never took a trip for pleasure until my dad died. I decided to live my life differently. Sometimes my son and I will go somewhere, just the two of us (by request, because he loves that kind of stuff). Sometimes my husband will go with him. Sometimes all three of us go. Last time I came to Hawaii, we brought my mom too.
This trip has been really good for time to think. My husband’s texts seem to indicate he misses me, although when I posted on Facebook that we had flash flood warnings where I was, he posted pics of the women he had over to our house for a party.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 26, 2018 20:46:47 GMT -5
And I have to say, I never imagined that one day I’d be driving around North Shore Oahu in an orange Mustang convertible while listening to The Buzzcocks on the radio. And yet, guess what I did this afternoon? I can’t see ANYBODY else I know enjoying doing something like that, spontaneously.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 28, 2018 17:38:20 GMT -5
Leaving the islands to fly home tonight!!
Last night, my husband FaceTimed me, and put our son on the phone. OMG, the number of times a teenager can blow kisses to his mom! They both kept telling me how much they miss me. Shocking, absolutely shocking.
More than 30 of my Facebook contacts unfriended me this week. People are so weird!
Anyway, back at work tomorrow...
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