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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2018 15:03:27 GMT -5
A man I only like as a friend has asked me out. I’ve known him about 6 months, and I am not attracted to him at all. In the interests of not being “too picky” should I go out with him anyway?
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 30, 2018 15:26:02 GMT -5
You have nothing to lose by going out with him and talking to him and asking him questions to find out whether he is a man who is attractive to you. If you’ve already checked him out this way, then don’t bother going out since you have enough info already.
When I went out with Post sm lover, I’d known him as an acquaintance for 3-4 years due to our being in a theater troupe together. I’d even seen him virtually naked in a sketch he performed in that was about when he worked as a stripper when he was young and 50 pounds lighter..
I thought he was ok, but boring. I didn’t think he was attractive. I went out with him not expecting to find the love of my life or even a
Over dinner, I learned a lot about him that caused me to admire him and to regard him as someone who was a potential good friend. We had in common similar values, friends, interests, politics, lack of religion and his life story reflected a great deal of resilience, leadership supporting ideals we both believe in and lots of respect for and real friendships with women.
Date ended with his kissing me in the cheek. I wasn’t yet sexually attracted to him but definitely viewed him as fun to hang out with.
We had a couple of more casual dates over the next couple of months: a stroll through an art fair; a group outing to see a play with friends; brunch( an Oscar party at his house. Dates were widely spaced because both of us were in rehearsal for different shows and neither of us were desperate to be in a relationship. During those experiences, I became aware of his intelligence, creativity and quick wicked sense of humor.
When we finally had our first kiss: wow! Yes, I definitely found him sexy! About 3 weeks later, after at my insistence he got STD tested, we had sex for the first time. Best sex ever in my life!
We started out as what I wanted — monogamous fwb and over the months that evolved into a romantic relationship and then a live in one.
So my advice is to check him out by going on the date and getting to know him unless you already have verbally explored him enough to know you’re not interested.
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 30, 2018 15:40:21 GMT -5
I think you should go. Very often attraction changes as we get to know someone better.
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Post by jim44444 on Jan 30, 2018 16:35:01 GMT -5
Yes. Worst that could happen is you remain friends. It might be a start of something.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 30, 2018 16:44:44 GMT -5
Yes. Worst that could happen is you remain friends. It might be a start of something. Good point! Friends can later introduce you to other friends, and you can do the same. |
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Post by baza on Jan 30, 2018 17:12:07 GMT -5
A man I only like as a friend has asked me out. I’ve known him about 6 months, and I am not attracted to him at all. In the interests of not being “too picky” should I go out with him anyway? Suggestion(s) #1 - go on this outing. What's the downside to an outing ? #2 - remain "picky" as far as who you might want to have a rooting relationship with. "Picky" is a good thing. Outings can be a good thing too. The two things are not necessarily connected. |
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Post by obobfla on Jan 30, 2018 17:33:40 GMT -5
A man I only like as a friend has asked me out. I’ve known him about 6 months, and I am not attracted to him at all. In the interests of not being “too picky” should I go out with him anyway? I think it depends on where you are going. If it’s a certain movie or concert that you both like equally, go! I wanted to see The Shape of Water, which is a great movie but not everyone’s cup of tea. I just mentioned I wanted to go, and a woman I met online joined me. We both liked the movie. But we also happened to like each other, too. I’ve gone out with female friends often, knowing in advance we’re staying in the friend zone. So the only good reason to say no is whether or not he wants to stay there. If he expects more than friendship out of you, then don’t go. Otherwise, it never hurts to practice. |
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Post by wewbwb on Jan 30, 2018 17:45:04 GMT -5
A man I only like as a friend has asked me out. I’ve known him about 6 months, and I am not attracted to him at all. In the interests of not being “too picky” should I go out with him anyway? The only thing that I suggest - as a man who has "been there" is make sure he knows that you have no other interest in him. |
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 30, 2018 17:53:37 GMT -5
If she hasn’t given herself a chance to really get to know him, she doesn’t yet know whether he could be a romantic interest. If she definitely knows she wouldn’t want to date him romantically, I ageee that she should tell him. I also think she should split the bill to reflect her regarding him as a friend only.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2018 18:47:43 GMT -5
Considering that on another post, I was complaining about how I’m tired of time-wasters and things that don’t work out....I’m just thinking: is it ethical for me to waste somebody’s time?
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 30, 2018 18:59:38 GMT -5
SK, do you feel you know him well enough to be certain you wouldn’t consider him a romantic partner? If so, either don’t go out with him or go out with him as a friend and let him know that while splitting the check.
If you don’t even like him for a potential friend, don’t go out with him at all. Don’t waste either of your money or time.
If you simply don’t know him well enough to consider him for dating, go out with him and use that as an opportunity to see if you might be romantically compatible. That’s investing time, not wasting it even if it ends up you wouldn’t want to date him.
Also, if due to your mother’s death, you aren’t ready to date now or to even go out as friends, tell him and don’t go out with him.
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Post by jim44444 on Jan 30, 2018 19:09:45 GMT -5
Considering that on another post, I was complaining about how I’m tired of time-wasters and things that don’t work out....I’m just thinking: is it ethical for me to waste somebody’s time? No ethical dilemma as far as I can see. He asked you out, the burden to not waste time is upon him. Now if in some alternate universe an evil SmartKat was to accept an invitation to a concert or other event that she was dying to attend and she manipulated some guy into inviting her (although she had zero interest in him) just for the purpose of attending the aforementioned event on his dime then yes that would be unethical. But I think I can speak for all of us on this forum when I say our SmartKat would not do that in our universe. |
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Post by DryCreek on Jan 30, 2018 19:30:31 GMT -5
@smartkat, you could be up front without being rude... "On the surface, I'm not sure that there's potential here, but I'm willing to explore if you are."
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2018 19:31:53 GMT -5
Well, yes, I do think about ethics.
I don’t like it when a man strings me along, and is not seriously interested. So, I feel like I shouldn’t do it to somebody else.
When I was younger, I could do stuff like that. Not so much anymore. It’s harder for me to be dishonest with people than it used to be.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 30, 2018 19:33:55 GMT -5
Do you know him well enough to be able to judge whether there is potential?
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