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Post by obobfla on Jan 10, 2018 21:16:00 GMT -5
Hmm, this thread reminds of a joke. Ladies, forgive the misogyny.
“If I offered you a million dollars, would you have sex with me?” “For a million? Sure!” “How about I give you a dollar to have sex with me?” “A dollar?! What? Do you think I’m a whore?” “We’ve already established that. Right now, we are just negotiating a price.”
Nothing against the professionals, but I prefer a woman who wanted to have sex with me because she found me sexy. @neonspace, I would mention to your wife that there are other women more expensive but better at what they do than she is.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 11, 2018 0:39:46 GMT -5
At some point my wife admitted to me that she uses sex to get me to do chores. As I thought about this, it seems like something that might be OK in a healthy relationship if done in a playful way, but seeing it now through the eyes of a SM shithole it just doesn't sit well with me. Over the weekend I did major work on an outdoor project my wife had requested as a Christmas gift, we also took family pictures(yes, I see the humor) that went fairly well. Later that night my wife tried to reset me. The only thing going through my mind was that I was a good boy and did my chores and didn't misbehave at pictures so I was being offered sexy as a reward. Just a complete turn off and further confirming that this situation isn't working for me any longer. I know this probably happens organically, I suspect a partner would naturally be turned on by seeing their partner do things for them, take care of them, or provide for them, but I just feel like there has to be a bit more there or it's just a business transaction. I'm just curious what everyone else thinks about the exchange of sex for chores? Brother neonspace sex for chores is a power game they play. They control the situation and therefore control you. I'm not judging i was a victim of the very same thing. Do xyz and you'd get some action for being a good boy. When i realised it was all a power play and refused to play along any further things changed.
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Post by ironhamster on Jan 11, 2018 9:02:36 GMT -5
Maybe the refused need to flip things around and suggest things like not putting out unless the refuser washes our car, or that if we do some special chores that the refuser will invite a friend over for a threesome.
I know none of this will work, but it might damage their belief that they are somehow in control.
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Post by Apocrypha on Jan 11, 2018 12:15:23 GMT -5
Maybe the refused need to flip things around and suggest things like not putting out unless the refuser washes our car, or that if we do some special chores that the refuser will invite a friend over for a threesome. I know none of this will work, but it might damage their belief that they are somehow in control. Given that the other partner is obviously averse to sex with her husband, what's in it for her? She won't do it for free, so why would she view the sex as a reward for her labour? Moreover, why would she wish to jeopardize her perceived monopoly as the sole supplier of sex in this sex for labour trade by inviting a friend for a threesome. There might be a chance she would agree to bang another guy, because then there's something in it for her, but I doubt that's what anyone has in mind. The only way to change the dynamic is to put the whole relationship on the line, with the foreknowledge that it may end. If she knows that her ceding her romantic role in the marital union means that her partner is seeking and finding that elsewhere and she no longer has the monopoly on sex, or if she knows that all the associated benefits of marriage are about to end (ie. separation and divorce), those will make her consider the dynamic.
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Post by csl on Jan 11, 2018 12:55:18 GMT -5
Hmm, this thread reminds of a joke. Ladies, forgive the misogyny. “If I offered you a million dollars, would you have sex with me?” “For a million? Sure!” “How about I give you a dollar to have sex with me?” “A dollar?! What? Do you think I’m a whore?” “We’ve already established that. Right now, we are just negotiating a price.” I used that story three years ago in the last of my Addressing The Sexless Marriage posts. I just went back and realized I also used the Choreplay line in the same paragraph back then.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 11, 2018 12:56:44 GMT -5
If my X had offered up sex after every thing I did around the house I would have had bone dry b*lls syndrome as a medical condition.
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Post by ironhamster on Jan 11, 2018 14:10:56 GMT -5
Hmm, this thread reminds of a joke. Ladies, forgive the misogyny. “If I offered you a million dollars, would you have sex with me?” “For a million? Sure!” “How about I give you a dollar to have sex with me?” “A dollar?! What? Do you think I’m a whore?” “We’ve already established that. Right now, we are just negotiating a price.” I used that story three years ago in the last of my Addressing The Sexless Marriage posts. I just went back and realized I also used the Choreplay line in the same paragraph back then. Good stuff, CSL. I got to these lines, though, and I think about what my situation has morphed into... "There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with your spouse. Do you know what is not natural? Not wanting to have sex with your spouse." Spouses that are resistant to sex, not wanting to have sex with their spouse, risk losing control. My sexual attraction for my wife was like a Pavlog's Dogs experiment done backwards, where I learned to stop salivating even when food was finally delivered. When sex with your spouse becomes as unthinkable as sex with one of your siblings, that IS a natural response. Get refused enough, and denigrated enough, and it does become natural to not want to have sex with your spouse. I know this special situation goes beyond the scope of that article, but I felt compelled to mention it.
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Post by brian on Jan 13, 2018 6:42:32 GMT -5
If she is trading sex for chores, how about trading sex for conversation or romance? I know, I know, our refusers say that those things are precursors to sex, but do they have to be?
You want me to talk to you? Have sex with me first. You want me to romance you? Have sex with me first.
To me, this is somewhat unpalatable. It's just not a transaction to me. But maybe it's necessary. idk.
For me, all of these these are just one giant feedback loop. Sex, romance, conversation, chores... each one begets the others. I would walk on water for a woman that shows her that she desires me.
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Post by johnwyo1 on Jan 13, 2018 7:30:08 GMT -5
If my X had offered up sex after every thing I did around the house I would have had bone dry b*lls syndrome as a medical condition. Same here, brother!
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Post by Casiyessie on Jan 13, 2018 12:29:33 GMT -5
She might have said it playfully. Then again I don’t know her, why don’t you ask her about it instead of sitting on it?
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Post by brian on Jan 13, 2018 18:43:01 GMT -5
My roomie asked me to vacuum the first floor of our house tonight. I told her that I would donit in the morning (6am). Now I just have to ask for “payment” prior to the chore. Lmao!
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 13, 2018 19:20:50 GMT -5
She might have said it playfully. Then again I don’t know her, why don’t you ask her about it instead of sitting on it? Welcome back!
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Post by Casiyessie on Jan 14, 2018 0:48:52 GMT -5
She might have said it playfully. Then again I don’t know her, why don’t you ask her about it instead of sitting on it? Welcome back! Thank you!!
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Post by tiredoftears on Jan 14, 2018 3:57:15 GMT -5
I stopped doing my chores because i get no sex. After 6 months of no sex, i stopped doing his laundry. Another six months i started doing MINIMUM housework. Another six months started MINIMUM cooking AND sleeping on the pullout in the living room. Do you think any change came about? No. He finally agreed to counseling, and we have been going, this coming appointment Monday he is supposed to have an answer to why the sex stopped.
I have known a few women who had a secret "kink" about men doing housework. That was about the only time they got horny. I admit, it is a bit of a turn on to me to, however it seems most thing are capable of arousing me, or i am just always aroused. I wonder, do you think this may possibly be a kink for her, and she is ashamed to admit it, so portrays it in a fashion that makes it look like she is withholding sex unless you "do your chores like a good boy?"
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 14, 2018 10:35:09 GMT -5
I stopped doing my chores because i get no sex. After 6 months of no sex, i stopped doing his laundry. Another six months i started doing MINIMUM housework. Another six months started MINIMUM cooking AND sleeping on the pullout in the living room. Do you think any change came about? No. He finally agreed to counseling, and we have been going, this coming appointment Monday he is supposed to have an answer to why the sex stopped. I have known a few women who had a secret "kink" about men doing housework. That was about the only time they got horny. I admit, it is a bit of a turn on to me to, however it seems most thing are capable of arousing me, or i am just always aroused. I wonder, do you think this may possibly be a kink for her, and she is ashamed to admit it, so portrays it in a fashion that makes it look like she is withholding sex unless you "do your chores like a good boy?" I tried it too a few years ago. Stopped the hoovering, stopped doing so much laundry, stopped tidying as often. There was a big change! The laundry bin was full all the time, the floor wasn’t as clean as I like it to be and the house was a mess. It just doesn’t work.
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