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Post by darktippedrose on Nov 17, 2017 15:00:49 GMT -5
It is mind boggling to me to that there are men that actually help and clean up after themselves.
Just hugely mind boggling.
I pay most of the bills, buy almost half the food and most of the necessities and do all the cleaning.
I don't get much help at all with any of those things. Its soooo tiring. But I do it, because no one else will.
My husband thinks its unnatural for most men to help out with chores.
so yeah - so mind boggling.
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Post by JMX on Nov 17, 2017 21:26:37 GMT -5
“Last night I’m doing my daily post dinner dishes/laundry/etc while the ladies predictably lounge around in another room. “ Don’t your daughters have chores? Empower yourself to invite — I.e. tell them to join you and help. You could do this in a nice way, “come help me with the dishes and after we’ll go out for ice cream.” Or , “come help me with the laundry and tell me about your day.” You also could make your kids responsible for washing, folding and putting away their own clothes. That’s what o did with my sons starting at age 10. If they didn’t have clean clothes it wasn’t my problem. Another option would be rotating the chores among the 3 of you. northstarmom is dead on with this. when my sons were probably around 8 I started them doing household chores that were directly related to their own needs. I did the laundry but they had to put the clean cloths back in their dressers. they had to pick out their own clothing to be worn that day and when dirtied they put it in the laundry basket to be washed. as they grew I had them vacuuming and dusting their rooms. By age 13 they were making their beds and helping make salads or setting and cleaning off the table following a meal. taking responsibility for maintaining the household is good preparation for when they are teens and possibly have autos that have to be cleaned, require oil changes( yes, your girls can do oil changes) and other maintenance. Children benefit from learning responsibility. I had a friend in high school - didn't know how to pump her own gas. Her dad physically took her car and pumped her gas. She would get really upset for me that my dad taught me how and had me change my own oil in my hand-me-down 1986 Pontiac Grand Am (that I affectionately named Jean Claude Grande Am - because it "kicked ass"). Know what I appreciate the most? I don't turn into a crying mess when I need something done. Sure, I might bitch about not having time - but daddy taught me I can do anything. He would not stand for silly girls. That friend is still my friend. She is like a sister. She is smart and capable and has had to do a whole host of stuff to do since her divorce. She didn't think she could but she does it now. I am proud of her. I am also thankful I got through the last year of hearing her whine about it before she realized she could do it for herself.
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Post by JMX on Nov 17, 2017 21:42:54 GMT -5
itme - hmmm... Agree with most of the others, I do (yoda voice). They don't need to know specifics of your situation. At all. However - open and honest communication about sex (in general) I recommend! It am a little over-the-top for my area of the country (you understand). I explain it to them scientifically. And then, I use my hands to show "thrust". My motto is - would rather they heard everything from me than from someone else as well as - I will always shock them before they shock me. My goal was that they would come to me first. Ask me and confide. My oldest has - my youngest is 9. We haven't had the thrust explanation just yet. I have always told my oldest everything. Sex, oral, sexual identity - everything. I always end it with: your friends' parents may not trust them with this info, but I trust you and will always tell you the truth. If you hear something different, come to me and I will tell you if it's a "thing" or, we can laugh together about how much they have to learn. I have now heard the sex jokes told at lunch, the lesbian drama between two of her friends as well as one friends' porn findings on the family computer (she hasn't been told anything). My youngest and I make up fun songs about our vaginas. Vagina is a fun word to sing. So far, so good.
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Post by jim44444 on Nov 17, 2017 22:46:39 GMT -5
. . . My youngest and I make up fun songs about our vaginas. Vagina is a fun word to sing. So far, so good. ROFLMAO
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Post by snowman12345 on Nov 17, 2017 22:47:05 GMT -5
Having talks about sex with your kids is a good idea. I have had a few with both my son and daughter. The one thing that I did not talk to them about was that other four letter word - LOVE. I always thought that my relationship with my wife was model enough for them. I think I have learned a few lessons myself about love, what it is and what it is not. Love combined with sex is powerful - so powerful one can be compelled to commit their life to another person. But if it is truly love and not some incomplete sham, each person looks for the things that makes the other person happy and gives those things to that person. You do it, because it makes YOU happy to do so.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 18, 2017 5:28:06 GMT -5
Paying the kids to do chores definitely has it's place. Especially in the teen years when they need/want money. Here comes the rub--You have taken on a heap of responsibility. Delegating takes a continuous amount of following through. Who's going to be responsible for that?You? The W.? Both of you?
Then comes the times when one wants to control the other. Your ways are wrong, do it this way, and then there's no follow up, and things crumble.
I am not a good delegate,I'm more of a team player. I work better beside someone than across the room pointing a finger. All this takes time. Once my teens got older, time was less and less available, they had jobs that paid more and chores don't get done.
In my case with 9 people in the house ,there are lots of different personalities. The accountability part became the biggest problem. Things don't get done, the same one's get away with it, the same ones end up having to pick up the slack. The "how are you going to know who did what?" becomes a huge problem.
Get ready to take on more and more of this, by yourself. (if your case ends up being like mine). Since 'my ways' where always being questioned, changed, corrected, things are going to be better with 2 different households.
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 19, 2017 9:37:52 GMT -5
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 19, 2017 9:47:06 GMT -5
“But since we’ve got some extra $ coming in I’m going to keep raising the offer until they start helping. Screaming at them ain’t working. 50 bucks a week got their attention this morning... but they know they only get paid if they do the work!”
Everyone lives in the house so should have responsibilities. This could mean working a job and contributing towards the household expenses. It could mean doing chores to keep everything functioning. If your girls don’t do chores, simply stop their privileges. No phone, no rides places, no using the car, etc. I think offering them lots of money is a mistake because it indicates that they deserve to be paid for thing s That are necessary to keep the house running smoothly. I’m sure you do not ask them for payment for the many things you do for them.
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Black Days
Nov 19, 2017 19:45:01 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Caris on Nov 19, 2017 19:45:01 GMT -5
I had the “talk” when I was 11, and I was mortified. In fact, I told my mother that I hope I get run over before “all that stuff” happens to me. My first instinct was to say, she’s too young, but then I recall I started menses at 12, so it’s just as well I was told because I would have thought I was hemorrhaging, and needed a doctor, so I guess 11 is not too young as long as It’s sex Ed. I agree with Baz, anything more is too much information for that age too handle.
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Black Days
Nov 19, 2017 19:52:12 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Caris on Nov 19, 2017 19:52:12 GMT -5
11 is old to begin telling kids about sex. Sex should be an ongoing, age-appropriate education beginning when kids are preschoolers. For instance telling preschoolers the proper names for genitals and that no one but themselves or someone like a doctor should touch their genitals is appropriate. Elementary school aged kids should be taught pregnancies result from sex, not from angels or the cabbage patch. If they happen to see animals having intercourse, it’s fine to tell them the animals are making babies. Don’t lie and say they are playing. Sex is s natural part of life and knowledge of its existence needn’t be kept a secret. Include info about your values. For instance, I was very clear with my sons that pregnancies can occur even with birth control, so I recommended that they not become sexually active until they had the wisdom and finances to be able to financially support and be a present father to a child. We also talked about abortion and how the decision is the woman’s, regardless of the man’s beliefs And I told them that love making is an important part of marriage. One kept trying to find out how often his dad and I had sex. I just responded that was too personal a question to answer. There are plenty of good books and articles that can help you know how to approach this important subject with your children and can help you do it in a way that doesn’t make it sound shameful. Pre-school is far too young to be discussing sex. Let kids be kids before we indoctrinate them into the adult world. They grow up too fast as it is.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 19, 2017 21:12:35 GMT -5
Pre school is not too young to discuss sex. One discussed s c with kids in an age appropriate way. For preschoolers, it’s appropriate for them to know that babies grow inside their moms and come out through a special hole for babies. It’s aplropriate for kids to know the proper names of their sex organs and that others shouldn’t touch them in the areas their bathing suit covers them. They should know to tell their parents if anyone tries to touch them in those private
Keep in mind that preschoolers can be victimized by sexual predators and that being ignorant of the things I described could make them vulnerable.
Ignorance is not bliss. Sex Is natural and not dirty. Telling kids silly things like babies come from cabbage patches is silly. Learning about life in an age appropriate way is part of what parents should teach kids. If you don’t do it, probably they not only would be vulnerable to abuse but also they may learn false information.
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