What Does This Mean...if anything?

I'll take a stab at this for you. He sounds interested in you due to two things. You spoke to him, (and spoke to him by smiling back at him) You again spoke with him for 5 minutes. that's a conversation. He then asked you to "move to another area so we could chat a little more". That's a lot more than just talking the weather!

Second,"he smiles at me, he looks across at me a couple of times". That's a lot more than just "here let me help you load that in your car" and then wishing you a good day.

Now, personally , my experiences have been with hundreds of women being a stay at home, homeschool dad for 19 yrs. Small talk comes easy and natural when someone is "forced"-not the best word- to be with me. Volunteering together, working together, waiting for kids at practices together, watching team sports together, etc....

There are times when I will go out of my way to give a strong compliment to a woman. Like" that is a beautiful dress! and it looks really good on you!" many times these ladies are married and I know their Husbands, he's normally standing right there. (his loss that he hasn't said that to her in years!)

Other times I will tell a complete stranger in line behind me at the check out, "Those glasses look really good on you! Did you pick them out yourself? someone did a good job fitting you! I'm an optician and I can't help but notice them! Then I'm on my way out the store and off to my car. It's a win ,win. I've made myself feel good by giving to someone-and practicing complimenting a lady- and she gets to receive what may be the nicest thing she will hear all day.

Maybe he is looking for a RELATIONSHIP? with someone as attractive and stimulating as you!! You are about a year or two ahead of me in the recovery from SM process. It sounds like we will both have to kiss a few frogs.

I hope he put a smile on your face. It's a lovely one that deserves to come out more often in your new adventures!

My analysis, Caris... Yes, it means something.

You caught his eye. Some combination of him finding you attractive and seemingly available / approachable since you were solo.

He finds you interesting. He paid you a compliment and engaged you in conversation. Appearing happy instead of miserable greatly increases the odds of receiving a compliment / conversation starter.

He wanted to take it further. He decided you were interesting enough to spend more time talking, and hoped you found the same. He's looking for more than just a quick chat.


Now, the part that's on you to figure out is... what are his intentions, and are they genuine?

The extreme: he's a serial killer / con man looking for an easy target. No, probably not, but let's call out the elephant in the corner. Don't live in fear, but be prudent about safety.

The unlikely: He just wants conversation.

The possible: He's a smooth-talker looking for easy sex. Your bullshit detector will sniff him out, or he'll disappear because you don't prove to be a pushover.

Also possible: He's a man with attention to detail and enough boldness to say something instead of missing what he sees as an opportunity. The odds thin as more filters are applied, but did he make it past the serial killer / bullshit detector?

Do you have the time and emotional energy to have more conversation and explore? If so, find a comfortable / safe setting and enjoy a chat. If he passes that gate, have another chat. Learn more about him, do your homework, and decide if he deserves more of your energy.

Thanks for your analysis, DC.

I don't actually know him. He is a stranger to me, although he introduced himself (first names), and he lives in another city, so I can't do any follow up. I think it's more about my understanding of what happened, how I use this, and learn from it, maybe increase my confidence as a woman. I need a better sampling than one man to know if it's possible that I may be somewhat attractive to some men.

It happened again this evening, the same place. I had a nice conversation with a man who started speaking to me as I walked past him. We spent about 30-minutes together. This is the second one in two weeks. Both just started talking to me as I walked by.

They both invited me to sit with them. I declined. What is the protocol here? What is proper etiquette in a chance meeting with a stranger, where you have a conversation, and they invite you to sit? I feel if I sit, it's looking like a pick up. Is it? Or are they looking for companionship and conversation? I'm not sure why they talk to me as I pass. I enjoy it because I don't know any men here, and don't have conversations with any, except a chance meeting like these.

"It happened again this evening, the same place. I had a nice conversation with a man who started speaking to me as I walked past him. We spent about 30-minutes together. This is the second one in two weeks. Both just started talking to me as I walked by.

They both invited me to sit with them. I declined. What is the protocol here? What is proper etiquette in a chance meeting with a stranger, where you have a conversation, and they invite you to sit? I feel if I sit, it's looking like a pick up. Is it? Or are they looking for companionship and conversation? I'm not sure why they talk to me as I pass. I enjoy it because I don't know any men here, and don't have conversations with any, except a chance meeting like these."


Men do not just talk to random women for no reason. There has to be something appealing about the woman. Think about it: People in general don't talk to random strangers unless there's something appealing about them. The person is either physically attractive or has something else attractive about them such as having a kind looking face or nice smile. Even the most gregarious people don't just strike up conversations with anyone. The exception to this are the mentally unbalanced people who wander around talking to themselves and to anyone in earshot. However, I'm sure that if those were the kind of men who have been approaching you, you would have noticed and had the good sense to move away. You wouldn't be here asking us to interpret the men's behavior.

I am curious about what kind of place this has happened to you. A bookstore with a coffee shop? Such a place can be for the erudite a good place to meet like minded, intelligent potential dates.

No matter how lonely the men were, there was a reason that the men selected you, not someone else. It's highly doubtful that all of the men were serial killers. I actually -- even in recent years when I was in my 60s -- have had nice conversations with men and women for that matter in places like bookstores and coffee shops. I've met some very nice people that way. I've also met some people who've been a bit off, not dangerously off, just weird in a way that told me I didn't want to establish a relationship with them.

I don't see the harm in having a careful conversation with someone whom you meet like that. What does it mean if you accept their invitation to sit and talk? It means you find them to be someone interesting to talk to. It's not a date. It may not lead to a date or any kind of follow-up. It may, however, be a nice experience in itself. If you sit down and get creeped out such as if the person starts staring at your breasts, touching you or making dirty jokes, then get up and leave. No reason to linger if they are that type of person. And given how much those date rape drugs are used, I wouldn't accept a drink, even coffee, from a strange man. I'd also keep a close eye on any drink I was drinking.

A year or so ago, you thought you were so ugly that you shouldn't go out in public. Now, you're noticing more evidence that you're at least tolerable to look at. After all, the men are approaching you. They aren't looking at you and running away screaming.

Sure, the men may be lonely or looking to kill time. However, they have other options beside offering to sit down and chat with you. The reason they picked you was that something about you appealed to them. Doesn't mean they want to date you, have sex with you or do something horrible to you. It just means that you seemed like someone whom they'd enjoy talking to.

A few thoughts run through my head, Caris...

Certainly the setting must lend itself to casual introductions. And you caught their eye. And you held their interest for a very respectable conversation length. I'd say you're doing pretty well in the attraction department.

Do they think you're "easy", or even a hooker? I really doubt it if they're engaging you in a 30-minute conversation when you won't accept a seat.

Are they looking for conversation? Clearly. More? Odds are good they have longer-term interests; not necessarily the same night, though I bet they wouldn't pass on an opportunity.

Why? Only they know, but if it happens again, you could be forward and ask. On the basis that they aren't someone you're likely to see again randomly, there isn't much risk if you embarrass yourself doing so. A la, "So, I have a curious question... this isn't the first time a man has struck up a conversation with me here, and I'm curious why here more than usual. Is there something unique about this place, or the patrons? Is it a secret singles hangout?" Or... you might also ask the staff a similar question.

One possibility that comes to mind is if it's a place that travelers might frequent, like a bar, coffee shop, or restaurant near hotels in a business district. Business travel can be quite solitary and boring, and I'm more likely to strike up a conversation with a woman if she's dining alone at an adjacent table, and it doesn't appear I'm interrupting anything. Because she's probably also traveling on business and killing time too.

If she engages, we might have an interesting chat, nothing more - probably with me inquiring about what it's like where she's from, because I find people and cultures interesting and it makes for an easy conversation.

But that's me. It may not be them. If they're single, they could be evaluating dating potential too. And sure, some guys might hope for easy sex, but I doubt those would hold your interest for a 30-minute conversation, so I'm going to say that's not their primary goal.

Now... what should you do? Nobody knows who Miss Manners is anymore, so the notion of etiquette has become very fluid and circumstantial. If you're at a coffee shop and you join someone for a chat, I don't think anyone would think much of it. In a bar or restaurant, perhaps hopes are higher for an extended evening, but certainly no expectations. Just keep a close eye on what you're drinking or eating.

I would think that they are simply enjoying the conversation with you, and feel rather intrusive by causing you to stand there for a great while. The offer to sit is perhaps just a kind gesture for you to be comfortable because they'd like more time to chat without feeling like the conversation is imposing on your comfort or time.

I'll be curious to hear what you learn.