Family -- Do Not Erase

I understand the feeling, but remember that your wife destroyed the marriage, and that is the foundation of the family

The drawing may well have been an accurate depiction of the unit as it stood 8 years ago Brother @creelunion .

And nothing stays static.
The passage of time alters things and people and environments
That 2009 picture has changed as by 2017
It will have altered and changed further by 2025
Further still after adding on another 8 year block to take you out to 2033

I don't think you can ever "erase" your family though, even if you wanted to.
Those relationships endure, subtlely changing all the time, usually for the better, but not without pain.

Feeling for you at this time Brother.

I read something recently that really touched me. Marriages are not 'things' that can be won or lost or owned or protected. They are relationships. And a relationship is simply the space between two people and how they are interacting together. And I think the same goes for families. If the superficial appearance of your family is no longer 'perfect', but the underlying connections and relationships between the family members have more depth and authenticity, I don't think that is any kind of loss. In fact it is the opposite.

And knowing how you feel about your kids, I know you are going to do whatever it takes to make sure that is what happens.

Yes, you really stirred the pot.    And I'm sure with more than just me.   

But, this stuff is rolling all over my mind at a million miles per hour.    And with my kids as well.   

Someone mentioned Christmas ornaments to me.    There's a heartbreaker.    The kids even asked about that when wife and I were explaining it to them.   Then they asked again the next day.  Where will Daddy go for Christmas?    Birthdays?    

I just told them I hoped mom would see clear to letting me visit on those days.   I thought that would be better than the "Two Holidays" deal.  

Mom's not sure yet.    

Absolutely.   If I'm going to her place on the holidays and eat, etc. at her house.   

Now, I can also force two 16 year olds to come to my place and have a second holiday, but that's tortured and ...  I don't want to subject them to that.    Everything will be better if Mom and I can just get along.    I'm hoping we will.  

This following post is a sidebar to Brother @creelunion 's main thrust.

I left in Oct 2009 so Xmas 2009 was a bit early to be trying to extend the olive branch to my ex missus and kids.
However, every subsequent Xmas, I have invited them to Xmas at wherever Ms enna and I have been celebrating the event. That's 7 xmases.
All such invitations were declined or side stepped up to 2015.
My ex missus was likely never going to accept my invitation, and the kids probably felt their loyalties to her took priority.
All of which I completely understand.
My ex missus passed on in 2015.
In 2015 both my kids came up here for xmas.
In 2016 one of them did.
They both tend to come up here 3 or 4 times a year nowadays. And I go down to visit them about 6 or 7 times a year.

Now I had best make a disclaimer here - that being that I hate Xmas and all the bullshit elements that go with it. So if we invite someone and they can't come or don't want to come, I couldn't give a shit. My idea of Xmas is "the fewer the better" as far as invitees are concerned. "None" would be my preferred option ! (I ought add that Ms enna's attitude is the exact opposite !!)

Anyway, I think getting on the front foot with these things is a pretty good idea.
Don't wait for them to invite you.
Get in first and invite them. Take a pro-active position is my suggestion.
Now they are almost certain to reject the invitation, but it sends a very clear message -
- that you are getting on with your life, and that they are welcome to remain part of it
- that you respect them enough to leave their choice(s) up to them and you won't get pissy with them if they choose not to attend

Again, the above is a sidebar - I've no wish to hi-jack the thread.